Is workplace loneliness silently killing us at the office?

In today’s fast-paced professional environments, the emotional experiences of women often go unrecognised or are misinterpreted as weaknesses. In this series, called Feminine Fortitude, we delve into the rich emotional landscape of the workplace – focusing on emotions like vulnerability and fear – through the lens of feminine values. Uma Thana Balasingam explores how these traditionally undervalued emotions can be transformed into powerful assets for leadership, resilience, and career advancement.

Have you ever been in a crowded room and still felt invisible? That was me—25 years old, new to sales and surrounded by seasoned professionals. Conversations flew over my head. I didn’t know the jargon. I barely knew the rules. In short: I didn’t feel like I belonged.

The hardest part about being new? I was too embarrassed to ask for help. I told myself that I needed to prove my worth. So I kept my head down and stayed quiet, working longer hours while hoping that my hard work would speak for itself. It didn’t. The isolation was overwhelming, and I questioned whether I’d made the right career choice.

It wasn’t until I found two generous colleagues who offered their time and guidance that things began to change. They created a safe space for me to admit what I didn’t understand, ask questions, and learn. Their mentorship was a lifeline, showing me that connection can dissolve loneliness and lead to growth.

A study published in the British Medical Journal found that loneliness among adults varies globally, with significant rates across Southeast Asia. In the workplace, the McKinsey Health Institute reports that nearly one in three employees in Asia experience burnout. Female employees are particularly vulnerable, reporting higher levels of distress, depression, and loneliness than their global counterparts.

These findings highlight that workplace loneliness and its associated challenges are not just personal struggles—they’re regional and global realities that demand attention.

The loneliness of being ‘The Only’

As a woman in tech, I’ve often been “the only”—the only woman in the room, the only woman on the team, and the only woman not invited to after-hours drinks. It wasn’t just exclusion; it was a subtle reminder that I didn’t belong.

One day, I decided I’d had enough. The next time I overheard my male colleagues planning a bar outing, I told them, “I’ll see you there.” The first time I walked in, I felt every pair of eyes turn toward me. I was hyper-aware of how out of place I looked, but I stayed. And then I stayed again. Slowly, the awkwardness faded, and my presence became a quiet assertion: I belonged there just as much as anyone else.

Why loneliness is hard to see

Loneliness often disguises itself. It can take the form of exhaustion, overwork, or social withdrawal. In many workplaces—especially in cultures where hierarchy runs deep—admitting to loneliness can feel like admitting weakness.

But ignoring it doesn’t make it go away. Instead, loneliness festers, quietly convincing you that you’re the only one struggling. The truth? You’re not alone.

For senior women, loneliness can take on a unique shape. At higher levels, fewer women hold leadership roles, and those who do may feel pressured to compete rather than collaborate. This scarcity mindset can be deeply isolating.

One solution I’ve found is the power of peer circles. These are small groups of people at the same career stage, but without the “friendship tax.” Unlike friends, who may soften their feedback, my peer circle offers honest, constructive insights. They’ve become a vital source of connection, clarity, and courage, helping me navigate leadership challenges without the isolation.

What workplaces can do to reduce loneliness

Loneliness isn’t just an individual problem—it’s a workplace issue. Organizations have the power to take actionable steps to create environments where connection can truly thrive.

1. Foster inclusive networks

Establish structured peer-mentoring programs or peer circles where employees at similar levels can connect and share experiences without judgment. These spaces help reduce the isolation of being “the only” in the room, fostering a sense of belonging.

2. Recognise and normalise vulnerability

Leaders must actively acknowledge that loneliness is real and encourage open conversations about emotions in the workplace. Training for managers on empathy and inclusive leadership is key to building a culture of support, trust, and belonging.

Navigating loneliness by yourself

Loneliness doesn’t have to define your journey. Here are five steps that have helped me transform isolation into connection

1. Invite yourself

If you’re being excluded from informal gatherings, take the initiative. I started saying, “I’ll see you there.” The discomfort was real at first, but over time, it faded and became easier.

2. Find allies

You don’t need everyone to have your back—just one or two people who create a safe space where you can ask questions, admit struggles, and seek guidance.

3. Name it

Recognizing loneliness is the first step. Don’t dismiss or bury the feeling. It’s okay to admit you’re struggling without labeling it as a weakness.

4. Seek circles, not competition

Build or join a network of peers who can challenge and support you. Collaboration will always beat competition in the long run.

5. Reframe loneliness as an opportunity

Loneliness often shows up when we step into new territory. Instead of viewing it as a setback, see it as a sign of growth. You’re moving into spaces that require you to adapt, learn, and evolve.

Loneliness is a Shared Experience

The truth about loneliness is that it thrives in silence. It convinces you that you’re the only one feeling this way, but the reality is that it’s one of the most universal emotions we all experience.

As Brené Brown so powerfully puts it: “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”

If you’re navigating your career in isolation, know this: You’re not alone. Take it one step at a time, seek connection, and build the bridges that will carry you through. While loneliness may visit at every stage of your career, it doesn’t have to stay.

Loneliness is not a sign of failure—it’s a sign that you’re on the edge of growth. The key is to step forward, because connection is where courage grows.

Uma Thana Balasingam is the architect of RAW Leadership. She also is the founder and CEO of the The Elevate Group and the Lean In Network in Singapore, and was formerly Vice President, Partner & Commercial Sales, Asia Pacific & Japan, VMware. For Her World, she writes about embracing emotions in the workplace.