She never expected to cry in front of her boss. Here's Uma Balasingam's full story

In today’s fast-paced professional environments, the emotional experiences of women often go unrecognised or are misinterpreted as weaknesses. In this series, called Feminine Fortitude, we delve into the rich emotional landscape of the workplace – focusing on emotions like vulnerability and fear – through the lens of feminine values. Uma Thana Balasingam explores how these traditionally undervalued emotions can be transformed into powerful assets for leadership, resilience, and career advancement.

I know a woman who once cried in the office in front of her boss and colleagues. Her boss labelled a tissue box in the office with her name on it.

I cringed hearing this. I can't imagine how terrible it must have been for her to continue working in that environment.

In the book Accelerating Women, Duncan Hewett, formerly the Senior Vice President of VMware, a cloud computing and virtualization technology company, shares this story from 2019:

"Fran is a new leader in the organization. She secured a key business role. She leads over 200 people for the first time. At this point, she is about five months into the role. She has invested time in listening to her team and her peers. This has given her a good understanding of the organization's issues. I coached her not to jump into changes.

Instead, I advised her to spend time understanding the issues. Then, I suggested she build a plan for change over the next three years. Now Fran is smart. She is not afraid to speak her mind. She is on stage for D&I events. Many young women look at her as one of our youngest VPs and a role model. So, the world is at her feet to take this business area to the next level, which is why I hired her.

It was a normal day in the office, and I could see her sitting there, and something was wrong. She looked unhappy, so I asked, ‘What’s up?’ She walked around to my desk and then started crying. First, we found a nearby room to provide some privacy. Then, I waved my assistant away from all the calls and meetings that were building up. In the course of the next hour, I let her find her own rhythm to tell me what was wrong.

It turned out she was stuck and could not find a way. She was happy to take five months of input. She showed her team and peers an amazing, world-leading strategy for our business. That was the simple one. The issue was complex. She felt huge pressure to show immediate results because I showed so much faith in her. She did not want to let me down. Plus, in many larger forums, I had talked about how she was going to take this area to a new level."

Guys, Fran is me.

And Duncan's action is what an actionable ally looks and feels like.

From my perspective

I remember the morning. I had stepped out of a meeting room after an early morning am call with the global team. My boss Duncan was the only one in the office. I was so overwhelmed that his small act of kindness that it burst open the floodgates. While Duncan writes about the huge pressure he felt he put on me, the reality is that I put that pressure on myself. Of course, I did not want to disappoint him. I was the youngest VP on the leadership team, and I felt I needed to prove why I was there, quickly.

I recall Duncan whispering to me as I had my head in my hands. "You're not the first one to cry. The rest were all men."

Duncan's kindness turned the situation into one I will remember for a long time. In the book, he says, "I know it sounds strange. I hear some men get very uncomfortable about women crying. They actually go out of their way to avoid it. Sorry, it's time to step up and provide a safe space to let the emotions out, whether through crying or not."

Crying is normal

To change the narrative around crying and vulnerability in the workplace, we can take these actionable steps:

1. Normalise emotions and educate: Encourage open discussions about emotions and provide training on emotional intelligence to reduce stigma and create a more supportive environment.
2. Set boundaries and model behaviour: Be clear about when and how to express emotions appropriately, and have leaders demonstrate vulnerability by sharing their own experiences. Celebrate stories of individuals who have shown strength through vulnerability
3. Offer support and implement policies: Create support systems like mentorship programmes and mental health resources, and establish workplace policies that support emotional well-being and flexibility.

By taking these steps, we can shift the workplace culture to one that values and respects emotional expression, seeing it as a strength rather than a weakness.

When crying is a strenght

It's not the first time I have cried in the workplace. It's just that all the other times, I did it without a witness. 

When it comes to crying, I can be vulnerable by setting clear limits and thinking about when I choose to express my emotions at work. By staying composed in most situations and choosing moments of vulnerability carefully, we demonstrate strength and emotional intelligence while maintaining professionalism.

The next time you cry in the workplace, remember that your tears are not a sign of weakness but a testament to your courage and authenticity, especially when they come from a genuine place. True leadership embraces humanity, and that thoughtfully expressed vulnerability is your superpower, not a tactic for attention or manipulation.

This is what it means to be raw- to be real, to be anchored, to be worthy.

Uma Thana Balasingam is the architect of RAW Leadership. She also is the founder and CEO of the Elevate and the Lean In Network in Singapore, and was formerly Vice President, Partner & Commercial Sales, Asia Pacific & Japan, VMware. For Her World, she writes about embracing emotions in the workplace.