The psychology of fear: How to use this emotion to your advantage

In today’s fast-paced professional environments, the emotional experiences of women often go unrecognised or are misinterpreted as weaknesses. In this series, called Feminine Fortitude, we delve into the rich emotional landscape of the workplace – focusing on emotions like vulnerability and fear – through the lens of feminine values. Uma Thana Balasingam explores how these traditionally undervalued emotions can be transformed into powerful assets for leadership, resilience, and career advancement.

When I started my first job as an engineer in Malaysia, I was constantly terrified —not the “butterflies in the stomach” kind of fear, but a deep, relentless anxiety that I wasn’t good enough. I feared being judged, that my work wasn’t up to par and that everyone around me could see how clueless I felt. In a male-dominated field, I knew I was already being scrutinised more than my male colleagues.

Instead of dealing with the fear, I went into overdrive. I signed up for every certification course I could find. I spent nights and weekends studying, desperate to prove to myself and everyone else that I was good enough. In less than two years, I became the second most certified engineer in the country. Did the fear go away? Not really. But I gained a sense of control—something tangible to hold onto when the doubts started creeping back in.

Then I switched to sales, thinking it would be a fresh start. But guess what? Fear followed me there, too. As the only woman on the sales team, I was terrified of failure, of being seen as weak, and scared out of my mind that I wouldn’t live up to my expectations. I had no sales experience but felt too embarrassed to ask for help. Everyone around me seemed to have it all figured out. And I was just floundering in the deep end, trying to stay afloat.

I felt paralysed, constantly doubting every move I made. Fear of saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, and missing out on the opportunity was exhausting. But here’s what no one tells you: fear doesn’t always destroy you. Sometimes, it pushes you to learn and adapt faster than you ever thought possible. That’s exactly what happened to me.

Fear as a catalyst for growth

Fear often has a bad reputation, but if we reframe it, it becomes clear that it can be a powerful motivator and catalyst for growth. Think about it—fear shows up when something matters deeply to us. It signals that we’re about to enter new, challenging territory, precisely where growth happens.

In my own experience, fear pushed me to become more qualified, prepared, and adaptable than I would have been otherwise. The key is understanding that fear can either paralyse you or propel you forward. It’s not about waiting for confidence to show up but about taking action despite the fear, knowing that confidence comes later as a result of that action.

Using fear to build unshakable leadership

Here’s another brutal truth: fear is an incredible leadership tool. Most people think leaders have to be fearless, but that’s nonsense. The best leaders I know are scared all the time. They’re just better at using that fear to their advantage.

I remember the first time I was given the opportunity to present in front of a large crowd. To say I was terrified would be an understatement. My heart was pounding so hard the night before that I could barely sleep. I spent hours practising in front of the mirror, trying to get every word and gesture just right. By the time I was backstage, ready to step onto the stage, my pants were sweaty, and my voice was shaky. It was one of those moments where fear and excitement were running neck and neck.

But here’s one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from moments like that: You have to be able to do hard things before you gain confidence, not the other way around. If you sit around waiting to feel confident before you take action, fear will most likely talk you out of it. Confidence is built after you push through the fear, not before. That day, I walked out on stage, even though my nerves were shot and my hands were trembling. But I did it. And after that, I had more confidence for the next time.

Fear makes you pay attention. It makes you think twice before making rash decisions, and it forces you to prepare. And when you’re a woman in a male-dominated space, fear often forces you to be better prepared than anyone else. I’ve lost count of the number of times fear kept me up at night, running through scenarios in my head, anticipating problems no one else saw coming. But that’s what made me a better leader—someone who could pivot quickly and make thoughtful, informed decisions when things got tough.

Steps to navigate fear in the workplace

Navigating fear is not easy, but it’s doable. Here are a few steps I’ve learned along the way that can help women manage fear in their careers:

Acknowledge the fear: Pretending you’re not scared doesn’t make fear go away. The first step is to be brutally honest with yourself. Acknowledge the fear without judgment. It’s okay to be scared.

Take action anyway: Don’t wait for the fear to disappear before you act. As I learned with public speaking, doing the hard thing while you’re afraid is what builds confidence. The more you do, the more capable you’ll feel.

Ask for help: One of my biggest struggles was thinking I had to figure everything out on my own. I was terrified of looking weak. But asking for help isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a sign of strength. The sooner you reach out for guidance, the faster you’ll grow.

Prepare, but don’t overprepare: Preparation is important, but it’s also a double-edged sword. Sometimes, overpreparing is just another way fear tries to keep you “safe” and avoid action. Prepare just enough to take the leap.

Reframe fear as excitement: Often, fear and excitement feel the same in our bodies. When I’m nervous, I remind myself that I’m not just scared—I’m excited. It helps shift the fear from something negative into something that motivates me to keep going.

From fear to fortitude: The real path forward

Let’s stop pretending that fear is something to be ashamed of. Fear is not a weakness. It’s the fire that can either burn you out or fuel your growth. For women, where cultural expectations often dictate that we stay quiet, play it safe, and not rock the boat, fear can be even more paralyzing. But here’s the truth I’ve learned: the only way forward is through. You have to face it, use it, and let it push you to places you never thought you could go.

I’m not fearless. I never have been. But I’ve learned to work with my fear instead of against it. And that’s made all the difference. So, if you’re out there feeling like you’re not enough, like you’re drowning under the weight of expectations and fear, let me tell you: you’re not alone. You don’t have to be fearless to succeed. You just have to be brave enough to keep going, even when fear is screaming in your ear.

Fear will always have a seat in your boardroom, but it does not have the power to make decisions for you.