Ask the expert: Disrespected like Miss Mexico? Here’s what to do when a boss crosses the line

In recent weeks, the Miss Universe 2025 pageant has made headlines for all the wrong reasons. The controversy began when Nawat Itsaragrisil, director of Miss Universe Thailand, publicly rebuked Miss Mexico Fátima Bosch for not posting promotional content – an exchange that was recorded, widely circulated, and led to an onstage walkout by Bosch and several other contestants. Since then, allegations of misconduct and internal tensions have snowballed, leaving audiences questioning the values behind the scenes of a brand built on poise and empowerment.

But beyond the glitz of pageantry, the moment struck a chord because it mirrored a scenario many of us recognise – being spoken down to by someone in power, and not knowing what to do about it. In the workplace, such encounters are often more subtle but just as corrosive. So how can employees protect themselves when confronted with disrespect, especially from a boss or senior colleague?

We spoke to Samantha Tan, HR business partner at Jobstreet by SEEK, for her take on when to speak up, how to escalate effectively, and what leaders must do to prevent such behaviour from becoming the norm.

Don’t react in the heat of the moment

First, give yourself space to pause. It’s normal to feel hurt, confused, or even angry when a comment catches you off guard, especially in a public setting. But reacting immediately can escalate things further.

If you feel safe, a calm redirect can help: “I’m happy to continue this in private,” or “Let’s align offline after the meeting.”

This keeps the situation from spiralling, while setting a boundary that you deserve to be treated with respect.

When does it cross the line?

Not all harsh comments are toxic. But if the behaviour happens repeatedly – or if it starts affecting your self-esteem, confidence, or ability to work – it’s time to take it seriously.

In my experience, it’s not just the person on the receiving end who suffers. When senior leaders let public put-downs slide, it sends a message to the rest of the team: this is acceptable here. Over time, it shapes the culture in subtle but harmful ways.

Speaking up doesn’t make you difficult

If the disrespectful behaviour continues, it’s okay to speak up. I always advise doing this in private, and only after you’ve had time to process what happened.

Be clear, calm and focused on impact. For example: “I felt uncomfortable with how the feedback was shared earlier. In future, I’d appreciate if we could align one-on-one.”

The goal is to address the behaviour without making the other person defensive. You’re not being emotional. You’re setting professional boundaries.

What if things don’t change?

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the behaviour continues. When that happens, start documenting specific incidents. Keep notes on what was said or done, when it happened, and who witnessed it.

Then, speak to someone you trust – a mentor, peer or a different manager. And if needed, bring it up with HR. Remember, escalation can be a form of self-respect instead of “retaliation”.

When raising concerns to HR or leadership, focus on how the behaviour is impacting your work, not just how it made you feel. Framing it this way helps keep the conversation solution-oriented.

Respect starts from the top

Ultimately, preventing this kind of behaviour is not just about reacting to it. It starts with leaders setting the right tone. When disrespect goes unchecked – especially from those in authority – it gets normalised.

According to Jobstreet by SEEK, we’ve found that employees thrive in workplaces where communication norms are clear. That means spelling out what respectful feedback looks like, training managers in psychological safety and conflict resolution, and most importantly, creating safe, accessible reporting channels.

It’s also about everyday culture. In our recent report, nearly 1 in 5 employees cited a mismatch between stated company values and what they actually experienced at work. That gap matters.

Leaders need to walk the talk, and that includes listening without defensiveness, acknowledging when something was handled poorly, and empowering others to speak up or support a teammate who’s been spoken down to.

Small acts of allyship go a long way. A quick check-in. A gentle redirection. A manager admitting, “That could have been phrased better.” These are the choices that build safer, more respectful workplaces over time.

And who knows? When we collectively choose empathy and accountability – we all win.

Samantha Tan is an HR business partner at Jobstreet by SEEK (Singapore). She specialises in organisational development and inclusive leadership, and is passionate about building kinder, high-performing workplaces.