Angry at work? Here’s how to channel that energy into something productive in the office

I’ve been angry at work. Not just annoyed or irritated, but really angry. You know the kind – the anger that rises up from deep within, the kind that feels like it’s going to burn everything around you. And I’m sure you’ve been there too. The frustration that builds when you’re overlooked, dismissed, or disrespected. The anger you feel when you’re constantly told to ‘stay calm’ or ‘don’t take things personally.’

But here’s the thing: Anger isn’t a villain. It’s not a “bad” emotion. For so long, I thought that it was. I believed anger was something I should bury, something I should hide. I was wrong.

Anger isn’t just an eruption of emotion. It’s a signal. It’s a moment of clarity – telling us that something is off, that something isn’t right. But when we don’t understand it, we either suppress it or let it control us. So, how do we stop fearing anger, and instead, use it to fuel our growth, power, and authenticity at work?

What is anger, really?

Anger is an emotion that arises when we feel threatened, misunderstood, or wronged. It’s a natural response to frustration, injustice, or a sense of powerlessness. In fact, it’s one of the most primal emotions we have, deeply wired into our brains.

Think of anger as a warning system – like the smoke detector in your house. When the alarm goes off, it doesn’t mean the house is on fire right away. It means you need to pay attention. It’s the same with anger. When it rises within you, it’s your body signaling that something needs to be addressed. It’s not about the surface issue. It’s about what’s underneath that surface: a need for respect, fairness, or boundaries.

When anger strikes, it feels intense. It’s that heat you feel in your chest, that clenching in your jaw, and the tightness in your stomach. This is your body’s fight-or-flight response kicking in. It’s your instinct telling you that something is wrong, and your body is preparing to take action.

In modern work environments, we often suppress anger because we’ve been conditioned to associate it with unprofessionalism. We’ve been told it’s inappropriate for women to express anger, that it’s a “masculine” trait or a sign of weakness. As a result, we either bottle it up, pretending it doesn’t exist, or we let it explode in ways that don’t serve us.

The cost of ignoring anger

I’ve had my fair share of angry moments at work, moments that I really wish I had handled better, but also moments that taught me some hard truths. You see, there were times when I would feel that familiar heat rising in my chest, but instead of confronting it, I’d just swallow it down – because, well, that’s what you’re supposed to do, right? Keep it professional, smile, nod, and act like everything’s fine. Except, it wasn’t.

I can’t count how many times I’ve sat in a meeting, brimming with ideas and enthusiasm, only to have someone interrupt me mid-sentence, dismissing my idea like it was some half-baked thought. There was that one time I was in a boardroom, and this senior executive said, “Let’s just put that aside for now,” as if my words had no weight. I remember the exact moment when my face went red, and all I could think was: Did he just tell me to shut up? But of course, I didn’t say that. Instead, I just kept my mouth shut, pretending it didn’t bother me. Inside, though? I was boiling.

Then there were the after-work drinks. You know, those “casual” gatherings that were supposed to bond the team together? Except they always seemed like an inside joke fest that I wasn’t a part of. I stood there with a smile, nodding along, pretending I understood the humour, while internally, I was like, Am I the only one who didn’t get the memo? My anger would rise each time someone cracked a joke I didn’t get, or worse, when the same few people dominated the conversation, leaving me standing there feeling invisible.

And let’s not even get started on the countless times I was the only woman in the room, surrounded by older, more experienced men, all talking over each other while I tried to get a word in. And when I did speak up, there was always that one guy who’d say, “Yeah, that’s a good idea, but…” – like my idea wasn’t good enough until it was repeated by someone else. Oh, the sweet taste of mansplaining.

Looking back, I can’t believe I let all those moments slide. But I did. I smiled through the anger. I buried it. I told myself, “Stay professional, stay calm, it’s not a big deal.” But here’s the thing: It was a big deal. Every time I ignored that anger, I was ignoring my voice, my worth, and the change I needed to create.

That anger, the one I tried so hard to suppress, kept bubbling up in the most unexpected ways. It would sneak up on me during meetings when I’d hear myself say something I didn’t mean because I was so frustrated I couldn’t think straight. Or it would show up in emails, where I’d write something passive-aggressive because I didn’t feel heard. Eventually, the anger turned into something darker – resentment. And let me tell you, resentment is exhausting.

By not acknowledging my anger, I allowed it to grow into something that drained me. It made me doubt myself, question my place in the room, and even made me feel less capable than I was. Instead of using it as fuel for change, I let it cloud my confidence and my ability to communicate clearly.

Looking back, I can’t help but laugh at how I tried to keep my cool, pretending it wasn’t a big deal. But if I could go back, I’d tell that younger version of myself: Girl, feel your anger. Own it. Don’t let it control you – use it to take up space.

Making space for anger

Here’s the truth that took me years to realise: Anger isn’t something to run from. It’s something to understand. It’s part of who we are. And in the workplace, where we often face challenges related to gender, race, and power, anger is a healthy emotional response. It’s okay to feel angry – it’s what you do with it that matters.

1. Accept it without judgment: First, accept that anger is not a “bad” emotion. It’s not a reflection of your weaknesses. It’s a natural human response. Allow yourself to feel it without guilt. For so long, I thought that feeling anger made me “unprofessional.” But the truth is, anger is as human as joy, sadness, or excitement. The key is to process it, not bury it.
2. Understand the source: Anger often arises from unmet needs. It’s your emotional body saying, “This is important!” Is it a lack of recognition? A need for respect? Or a boundary being crossed? By understanding the root of your anger, you can pinpoint what needs to change.
3. Channel it constructively: When you feel angry, use it as fuel to communicate more effectively. Instead of snapping or staying silent, turn that fire into action.
   Example: When a colleague takes credit for your idea, instead of quietly simmering, calmly address the situation. “I appreciate your input, but I wanted to highlight that this idea came from our earlier discussion.” It’s about standing up for your contributions without aggression, but with authority.
4. Set boundaries and speak up: Anger can be a sign that your boundaries are being tested. Use that anger as a reminder that you deserve respect, space, and recognition. Speak up when you need to, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. You may be surprised at the respect it earns you.

Anger is a powerful tool when understood and used constructively. It’s a signal, not a setback. It tells us when something isn’t right, when we need to step up, or when it’s time to advocate for ourselves. In the workplace, particularly as women, we’ve been conditioned to keep our anger under wraps. But when we embrace it, we take control of our narrative. We let it fuel our growth, our voice, and our leadership.

So, the next time anger rises inside you, don’t suppress it. Ask yourself: What is this telling me? What needs to change?

Remember, you’re not weak for feeling angry. You’re strong for understanding it and using it to fuel your next steps.

Have you ever felt the sting of anger at work but struggled to express it? How did you handle it, and what did you learn from that experience?

Uma Thana Balasingam is the architect of RAW Leadership. She also is the founder and CEO of the Elevate and the Lean In Network in Singapore, and was formerly Vice President, Partner & Commercial Sales, Asia Pacific & Japan, VMware. For Her World, she writes about embracing emotions in the workplace.