Is Shrekking the latest dating hack or is it just an emotional scam?

In the ever-evolving jungle of Gen Z dating trends, “Shrekking” has lumbered into the zeitgeist, and it’s not nearly as wholesome as its swamp-dwelling namesake.

Coined on social media and popularised by platforms like Pubity and TikTok, “Shrekking” refers to the act of dating someone you perceive as less attractive than yourself, with the hopeful assumption that they’ll treat you better because they’re lucky to have you. It’s part strategy, part self-preservation, and wholly rooted in appearances or the deliberate sidestepping of them.

As Pubity framed it, Shrekking is about “valuing personality, kindness, and connection more.” Sounds like a win, until you read the fine print.

According to Vice, the reality is messier. Shrekking is often less about emotional maturity and more about trying to outsmart heartbreak. The logic goes: if you’re the more conventionally attractive partner, surely you’ll hold the upper hand, right?

Not quite.

Is it smart to Shrek?

In theory, Shrekking makes emotional sense. Many modern daters, especially women, are exhausted. From ghosting and love-bombing to the hellscape of dating app fatigue, it’s no surprise that some are swapping sculpted jawlines for supposed emotional stability.

But as Cosmopolitan points out, “thinking you’re doing some poor peasant the grave honour of bothering to have anything to do with them” sets up a toxic dynamic from the start. When the premise of the relationship is “I’m settling for you,” there’s nowhere to go but downhill.

Amy Chan, founder of Breakup Bootcamp, notes that while deprioritising looks isn’t inherently wrong, the risk lies in believing that dating “down” guarantees good treatment. “It backfires when someone assumes that just because they’re dating ‘down’ in looks, they’ll automatically be treated better,” she told USA Today.

In other words, Shrekking is less of a shortcut to happily-ever-after, and more of a route to disappointment, with a few delusions packed in your emotional carry-on.

What if you’re the Shrek in this dating game?

Let’s address the elephant (or ogre) in the room. If someone is Shrekking, someone else is being Shrekked. 

Here’s the uncomfortable bit: no one wants to be the “settled for” person. If you’re in a relationship where your partner’s affection feels patronising, uneven, or performative, it might be time to reflect. Attraction isn’t a static metric. What someone looks like today isn’t what builds or breaks long-term intimacy.

The worst part about being someone’s Shrek is that you’re never truly loved. Instead, you’re used as a buffer against their past wounds. Romance? More like damage control in disguise.

Final thoughts

Sure, the appeal is there: settle for less and avoid the stress. But if you’re dating someone just because you assume they’ll never leave you, then let’s face it. You’re choosing control over love.

Shrekking might sound like a clever hack in a culture that gamifies love. But like most shortcuts, it skips the uncomfortable work of vulnerability, self-awareness, and mutual respect.

In the end, what most people want isn’t to win the dating game. They just don’t want to lose themselves in it.