Breathwork expert Carolyn Cowan on how to deal with pesky relatives this holiday season

The holiday season is hailed as a time of joy, warmth, and celebration with our nearest and dearest. But what if your nearest are far from your dearest, and you can think of nothing worse than spending the year-end and Chinese New Year forcing the fun, in the company of relatives who drive you crackers?

Spending time with the family you try and avoid all year can give you the feeling of impending doom but if it’s something you can’t avoid this season of celebration, finding a way to manage your stress levels is a good way to take care of yourself and help you avoid any festive fall outs.

While you may have said to yourself many times in these situations, take a deep breath and count to 10, using breathwork – or conscious breathing - to calm your mind and body is an incredibly useful tool for helping to reset the stress response.

Of course you may think that you know how to breathe, but long deep breathing is something that very few of us have been shown how to do. It is a relaxing way to breathe and can be done anywhere, anytime. 

The deep diaphragmatic breathing of breathwork activates the parasympathetic nervous system and helps counterbalance the ‘fight or flight’ response, promoting relaxation and a reduction in stress. 

The slowing down and deepening of the breath signals to the body that it is safe, reducing the intensity of the stress response and reduces the stress hormone, cortisol’s levels.

So if you are heading into the festive season with anxiety about how you will cope get prepared by following one of these beautiful breath practices and it will soon become a familiar friend you can’t live without.

Getting started with breathwork

To get started with breathwork, find somewhere quiet where you can be peaceful and sit uninterrupted. Choose a dining chair or a bench rather than a soft seat to avoid a slumped rounded back. Keeping a tall straight spine allows for you to access the entirety of your breath capacity and what we want to aim for is you to become familiar with your ability to harness the power of your own diaphragm. The diaphragm is one of the major muscles of the body that will tighten up during stress and overwhelm. By taking control of it, and choosing to consciously breathe, you signal to your mind and the rest of your body, that it can stand down.

Close your eyes. If you find this difficult that’s ok. If you need to practice with your eyes open to begin with, don’t worry the safety to begin the practice with the eyes closed will come over time. Try practicing for three minutes but two is also great.

A breath to manage worry

This breath releases the mind from negative thoughts and short, fast, thinking.

Sitting comfortably, anywhere that works for you, spine straight, begin to inhale through pursed, tight lips. Not a whistle, but a steady stream of cold air straight down into the belly.

Exhale through the nose, a warm, soft blanket of air that feels as though it wraps itself around you.

As you settle into the breath, maybe three or four inhales in, begin to make the breath as silent as possible and notice, when the breath is silent all slows down. This is what you want, the slow silent breathing.

Continue for three minutes.

Then inhale and hold the breath for a moment, exhale and be still, silent and gentle for a few minutes afterwards, noticing how you feel.

Breath for dealing with overwhelm and frustration

Sit up tall and straight, making yourself comfortable with any cushions or other props that assist you staying upright.

Use your right thumb to block your right nostril, and inhale deeply through your left nostril.

Exhale fully out your mouth.

Repeat for three minutes.  At the end, take a deep breath and interlace your fingers, stretching your arms over your head, palms up, like a big yawn and holding your breath for 10-15 seconds, if you can. Exhale and be still.

Breathwork is a life skill that you will find useful in many parts of your life, at work, before important meetings or nerve-wracking presentations or even in social situations when you find yourself nervous or overwhelmed. It’s a tool you can share with others and will be by your side whenever you need it.

About the expert

Carolyn Cowan is a London-based psychotherapist and breathwork teacher. She runs an online series of morning breathwork classes called Letting Anger Go. Find out more about Carolyn and her work at www.carolyncowan.com.