Ask the expert: I thought I was over my body image issues. So why did one comment send me spiralling?

Some of our most deeply held beliefs about our bodies are formed long before we realise it, in childhood and adolescence. If we grow up in environments that uphold a narrow standard of beauty, we may begin to internalise the idea that only certain body types are desirable or acceptable. These narratives don’t simply fade with time. Even as we grow and learn to celebrate our accomplishments in other areas such as education, career, and relationships, the conditioning we’ve absorbed about our physical selves can remain firmly in place.

Why we spiral after seeing a photo or hearing a negative comment

When a photo or comment sends you into a spiral, what you’re experiencing is often a trigger. This is a present-day reaction that activates old emotional wounds. Perhaps someone once called you chubby as a teenager, or maybe you internalised the idea that looking a certain way equates to being lovable or worthy.

So when you see an image of yourself that doesn’t align with that ideal – or when someone casually points out your weight – it taps into that unprocessed shame.

Your mind interprets it as a threat, setting off a cascade of negative self-talk: “I look terrible,” becomes “I’m disgusting,” which becomes “No one will want me.”

Recognising when body image struggles are more serious than they appear

There’s a difference between having an off day and being stuck in a harmful loop. If your self-image is starting to affect your quality of life, it’s worth paying attention. Are you avoiding social events? Refusing to be in photos? Obsessively counting calories or pushing through punishing workouts, not out of joy, but shame?

One or two of these behaviours on their own may not be cause for alarm. But if they start to stack up and disrupt your everyday life, that’s a sign your relationship with your body may need more care and support than you realise.

Practical tools and long-term approaches to rebuild confidence

Start curating what you consume, online and offline. Surround yourself with people who speak kindly about their bodies. Unfollow accounts that reinforce harmful ideals.

Next, build awareness around your internal dialogue. When you catch yourself spiralling, take a step back and a deep breath before asking: Are you disparaging your body again? Are these thoughts healthy for your self-image and self-esteem?

Most importantly, would you speak to someone you love this way? If not, it’s time to change the way you speak to yourself.

Also, stop treating your body like a problem to be fixed. A more sustainable path to self-acceptance lies in shifting the focus – from how your body looks to how it feels, functions, and supports you daily.

When we start recognising our bodies as capable, resilient, and adaptable instead of flawed or inadequate, we begin to rewrite the narrative.

Asia Psychology Centre is a private mental health practice supporting individuals through therapy and psychological services. Bernice Lim is its director and principal psychologist, a registered psychologist and supervisor with SPS, as well as a certified sleep clinician with a special interest in body image issues.

Do you have a question about health, wellness or just life in general? Write to maghw@sph.com.sg, and we’ll have your query answered by an expert.