Dealing with an angry boss or an emotional colleague? Here's how to manage their emotions

In part 1 of this 2-part series, we spoke about the importance of practising emotional agility at work. Here, we ask the experts for tips on managing different personalities in the workplace.

How do you practise emotional agility at work? Here are suggestions for dealing with different personalities:

A boss who’s prone to angry outbursts 

Dr Lim Boon Leng, a psychiatrist at Dr BL Lim Centre For Psychological Wellness, says to remain calm and collected, as reacting emotionally could worsen the situation.

“Active listening is also important,” he adds. “Show your boss that you’re paying attention, and try to understand their perspective. If their criticism or directions are unclear, politely ask for more specific details. This can help steer the conversation towards problem-solving and potentially diffuse their anger. It’s also a good idea to propose constructive solutions, if appropriate, as this shows that you’re proactively engaged in resolving the problem.

“If the anger is chronic and unfair, and causes undue psychological stress, you may wish to consider speaking to your HR manager or switching jobs.”

A subordinate who cries when you give them feedback 

Hearing about shortcomings can be confrontational. It can come as a shock, and people can get overwhelmed emotionally. Crying helps us process extremely intense emotions quickly, so instead of trying to get them to stop, let them cry, suggests Zi Kit Toh, founder of Emote, a professional training and coaching company that helps organisations build emotionally intelligent teams.

While it may feel awkward and inappropriate, it might be your own discomfort with others crying that makes you feel like you need to make them stop quickly.

“In such instances, accept that crying may be exactly what they need to do at that moment. Make them feel like their emotions are valid, and don’t judge them. When they’ve had the time to come to terms with your feedback and their emotions have settled, you can have a productive conversation about moving forward and taking action,” Kit adds. 

A colleague who’s passive-aggressive 

Try to directly and tactfully address the matter at hand, says Dr Lim. You may want to provide specific examples of the impact of their actions, while avoiding assigning blame. 

Additionally, it’s crucial to maintain a professional demeanour throughout all interactions, regardless of their behaviour. Clearly establish boundaries and guidelines regarding acceptable behaviour, and document your interactions in the event of a potential escalation. If direct discussions prove ineffective, bring in an impartial third party to mediate.

“Ultimately, you won’t go wrong by approaching others with kindness, acceptance and understanding,” says Kit.

“Confronting these situations can be uncomfortable and intimidating, but remember that emotional agility requires that we choose courage over comfort – use each challenge as an opportunity to grow or improve, instead of passively resigning yourself to circumstances or other people.” 

Other tips to cultivate emotional agility within your team

To cultivate an environment of emotional agility, Kit suggests creating a culture where all emotions are met with acceptance, curiosity and understanding. You can do this by:

Communicating openly and honestly: This allows your team members to feel safe sharing their emotions and thoughts. Whether people feel safe enough to share comes down to how they’ve experienced being listened to in the past. So, ensure that discussions are always led with non-judgement and understanding. 

Leading by example: Being authentic and vulnerable encourages others to do the same. 

If you’re a leader, you can demonstrate emotional agility by openly acknowledging your team’s feelings and how they’re dealing with them.

Accepting problems and mistakes: Instead of demonising setbacks and mistakes, create a culture where conversations about challenges are encouraged, where team members are supported through mistakes, and where setbacks are used as learning opportunities.