Op-ed: Are we growing with AI, or just trying to keep up?

As the mother of a teenager, I see so much pressure to be perfect. And this pressure feels different from when we were children, because the idea of perfection was something we were exposed to far less. With ChatGPT as our guiding light, Claude as our assistant, endless reels and social media, it is hard not to feel that unless we curate a life that looks perfect, somehow we won’t succeed.

Information is so accessible. How to live healthier and happier, sound smarter, study better, be more productive and ultimately become a better version of ourselves. These are all things we can click on and devour information about within seconds.

The perfect young adult

For young women, the pressure goes beyond academic achievement or career ambitions. Social media has normalised lifestyles, appearances and standards of success that aren’t necessarily realistic or attainable. We compare our everyday lives with influencers whose full-time job is often to create and maintain a particular image. Yet we measure ourselves against those carefully curated versions of reality, wondering why we aren’t achieving the same results.

But we aren’t always comparing ourselves to someone else’s reality. Often, we are comparing our everyday lives to something that has been deliberately created for us to consume. And at what point do we stop aspiring to become an overly hyped version of ourselves and start feeling adequate about who we already are? There are moments I catch myself as a mother of a teenage daughter and highlight the amazingness of what she already does and not only about her potential. 

And now, technology is taking this a step further. AI has become part of this journey too. It helps mould, shift and tweak what we produce and even how we present ourselves. And this is where I sometimes hesitate between the importance of remaining authentic and using the extraordinary access to information and technology we now have to propel ourselves forward.

It can almost seem impossibly old-fashioned to simply remain who you are without using technology or AI to help curate who you could potentially become. Yet it also feels like a race. As more people learn the same formulas and perfect them, I wonder: will we eventually become a homogeneous, seemingly perfect society? One that eats well, studies well, works well, looks beautiful and says all the right things?

And where, within all that perfection, does individuality go?

The perfect working woman

The same pressure follows us into the workplace. The image of the “perfect” working woman is someone who looks good, speaks well, performs well and keeps adapting. And now, many of us are being asked to learn entirely new ways of working in our 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond. There is a growing sense that we need to continuously adapt to remain relevant.

I absolutely believe in reaching our potential. In fact, many of the clients who come to me for life coaching know they haven’t reached theirs yet. Helping someone make that leap towards maximising who they are and what they are capable of, can be incredibly rewarding. But reaching our potential and endlessly optimising ourselves are not the same thing. Feeling as though we are in an AI rat race, where we are constantly curating, optimising and storytelling rather than actually doing, risks creating a society that looks increasingly perfect on the outside, with less substance underneath.

So perhaps the question isn’t whether we should embrace AI or reject it. It is: How can we show up as who we are, have enough self-awareness to recognise our gaps, and then use AI specifically and purposefully to move ourselves forward?

What concerns me with this, is the turbo charged rush to adopt AI - where we sometimes overlook the skills and experience we already possess. Someone who has spent years developing strong leadership, communication, emotional intelligence or critical thinking skills doesn’t suddenly become less valuable because they aren’t the fastest to adopt new technology.

And perhaps we need to reconsider what upskilling really means. Is it always about learning another technical skill, or could it also mean becoming a better decision-maker, communicator or leader? AI can certainly enhance how we work, but it doesn’t mean we should overlook the human qualities that make us effective in the first place.

I think that is an important distinction. There will certainly be industries and roles where adopting AI becomes increasingly necessary. But rather than responding to the pressure by trying to learn everything, perhaps we need to become more discerning about what we actually need to learn.

How much do I really need to change?

• This is where self-awareness becomes important. Start with your role. What is actually changing in my industry or job, and which skills will genuinely help me do it better? Not what everyone on LinkedIn is talking about. Not what the person sitting beside you has suddenly become an expert in. What do you need?

• Then look at yourself. What am I already really good at, and where are my genuine gaps? If your strengths are leadership, relationships, judgement, creativity or communication, don’t suddenly discount their value because someone else knows how to use an AI tool that you don’t.

• And finally, consider your capacity. How much am I willing and able to learn at this stage of my life? For some, learning something completely new is exciting. A steep learning curve can feel challenging and energising. For someone else, at a different age, industry or simply at a different stage of life, that same change may feel exhausting or frightening.

In both scenarios, I would encourage someone to try. Persevere. Learn. Give yourself the opportunity to see what you are capable of. Then assess: Does this feel like growth, or does it feel like I am constantly forcing myself to become someone I’m not? Am I resisting change because it scares me, or am I recognising that this role, organisation or even industry no longer fits the life I want?

And perhaps most importantly: Am I trying to become better at what I do, or am I simply trying to keep up with everyone else?

Those are very different things. There may come a point when someone chooses to pivot towards AI and embrace an entirely new way of working. Someone else may eventually choose to pivot out of a particular role or industry. Neither means becoming a dinosaur and rejecting progress.

It means having enough self-awareness to understand your strengths, your gaps and your capacity at this particular stage of your life. Because reaching your potential and chasing perfection aren’t the same thing. And perhaps knowing the difference is what will help us navigate everything that comes next.