Friendship ghosting hurts just as much as dating ghosting. So why don’t we talk about it?

We’ve all heard the horror stories about dating ghosting. A promising romance suddenly fizzles out after one unanswered text, leaving one person wondering what went wrong.

But ghosting does not just happen in dating. Friendships, some spanning years or even decades, can also end in silence. One day, you’re sharing life updates, planning catch ups and celebrating milestones together. The next, your messages go unanswered.

Unlike romantic breakups, friendship ghosting often goes unspoken. There are no breakup playlists, few social expectations around grieving the loss of a friend and rarely any clear sense of closure.

Ms Ho Shee Wai, Director & Registered Psychologist of The Counselling Place, says technology has changed not only how we communicate, but also how easily we can avoid difficult conversations.

“Technology makes it easier for us to stay connected, but it also makes avoidance easier. Someone can suddenly stop replying, mute a conversation or disappear without having to face the other person’s reaction,” she says.

She adds that while friendship loss is sometimes minimised because it is not a romantic breakup, close friendships can be an important source of belonging, identity and emotional support.

Why friendship ghosting feels so painful

Friendship ghosting can leave people asking themselves, “What happened?” or “Did I do something wrong?”, says Ms Ho.

The pain does not come only from rejection. The lack of an explanation can cause someone to repeatedly revisit the friendship, check messages and search for signs of what may have gone wrong.

Psychotherapist Jab MacCardy believes friendship ghosting has become easier in today’s digital world.

“We are living in an era of digital affordance. Because our communication is largely mediated by screens, it is technologically easier to sever a tie than ever before,” he says. “Sociologically, we have allowed the disposable culture of consumerism to bleed into human relationships.”

While friendships naturally change over time, being abruptly cut off can leave people questioning themselves long after the contact has ended.

“Friendship breakups have no cultural script,” MacCardy says. “We know how to grieve a romantic relationship, but friendships often end without the same acknowledgement.”

Ms Ho says this lack of a recognised ending can create what psychologists describe as “ambiguous loss”. The friendship appears to be over, but there has been no conversation or explanation to help the person understand and process it.

“A friendship of 10 years just ended so easily”

For Riya, 35, that is exactly what happened.

“I’ve never ghosted a friend before, but I was ghosted by a close friend of 10 years a couple of years ago,” she says.

She believes the friendship began to change as they entered different stages of life.
“She was married with a young child, while I was still single. I made an effort to reach out and catch up, and the first few times she brought her child along, which I didn’t mind. But eventually I asked if we could have just an hour to ourselves so we could properly talk.”

Her friend initially agreed, but the meet up was rescheduled several times before the replies eventually stopped.

“It was really upsetting that a friendship of 10 years could end so easily. Part of me still wonders if it was because I voiced what I needed, but I also feel like I should have been able to ask for that. If she couldn’t give me that time, I would have understood. I just wish we’d had that conversation.”

Why people ghost their friends

As painful as it is to experience, ghosting is not always driven by cruelty.

MacCardy says many people disappear because they are trying to avoid conflict.

“People falsely believe they are sparing the other person’s feelings, but they are actually just sparing themselves the discomfort of a difficult conversation,” he explains. “They prioritise their short term emotional comfort over the long term psychological safety of their friend.”

Ms Ho agrees that conflict avoidance is often a factor.

“Some believe that disappearing will hurt the other person less than being direct,” she says. “Ghosting may feel easier for the person doing it, but it often transfers the emotional discomfort and uncertainty to the person being ghosted.”

That resonates with Farah, 27, who has experienced friendship ghosting from both sides.
“I’ve been ghosted before, but I’ve also ghosted a friend,” she says. “For me, it came after a long time of putting up with behaviours I wasn’t comfortable with, even after I’d voiced my concerns.”

“I believe friendships should be reciprocal, but this one felt very one sided. I was the one putting in most of the effort. I still care about that friend, but I also realised that sometimes you have to remove people from your life if they’re no longer bringing you peace.”

Looking back, however, she wishes she had handled the situation differently.“I do feel bad about how I ended it. I just stopped replying, and looking back now that I’m older, I know I was in the wrong. But at the time, it felt like the best option. I thought that by slowly stopping my replies, they’d get the hint.”

Drifting apart isn’t the same as ghosting

Of course, not every friendship that fades is an example of ghosting.

MacCardy compares a friendship to a game of tennis.

“Drifting is when both players slowly stop hitting the ball back. It is reciprocal and usually happens because life gets in the way,” he says. “Ghosting, however, is when you’re still serving the ball but the other person has simply walked out of the stadium without a word.”

Ms Ho says friendships that naturally drift apart usually change gradually, with conversations becoming less frequent and both people investing less over time.

Ghosting often feels more abrupt, with regular communication followed by prolonged silence and repeated attempts to reconnect going unanswered.

However, she cautions that it is not always possible to know someone’s intentions. Personal crises, mental health difficulties or major life changes can also cause people to withdraw. What matters is whether the lack of response continues despite reasonable attempts to check in or clarify the situation.

Finding closure without an explanation

For anyone struggling to move on after being friendship ghosted, Ms Ho says closure does not always arrive as a satisfying explanation.

“Sometimes it is recognising the pattern, accepting that the person is unwilling or unable to communicate, and deciding how long you are prepared to remain emotionally suspended,” she says.

She encourages people to allow themselves to grieve rather than dismissing the loss as “only a friendship”. She also advises against repeatedly pursuing someone who has made themselves unavailable, as every unanswered attempt can deepen the hurt.
MacCardy shares a similar view.

“Closure is not something you extract from someone else. It is something you grant yourself,” he says.

While not every friendship is meant to last forever, how it ends can shape how we remember it.

And in many cases, an uncomfortable conversation may still be kinder than disappearing without a word.