Hari Raya visiting etiquette: A thoughtful guide for non-Muslim friends

After a month of fasting, reflection and quiet discipline, Ramadan draws to a close. For Muslims, it is not simply a period of abstaining from food and drink from dawn to dusk, but a time centred on prayer, self-restraint and compassion for others.

In its place arrives Hari Raya Aidilfitri, or Eid al-Fitr – a celebration marking the completion of that spiritual journey. While it is often associated with festive gatherings, generous meals and new clothes, its meaning runs deeper: it is a time of gratitude, reconciliation and seeking forgiveness.

It is also often misunderstood. Hari Raya Aidilfitri is not the Muslim New Year – it does not mark the beginning of a new calendar cycle, but rather the end of Ramadan. And while it shares the name “Eid” with Eid al-Adha (known locally as Hari Raya Haji), the two are distinct. Aidilfitri centres on renewal after fasting, while Aidiladha commemorates sacrifice and coincides with the Hajj pilgrimage.

In Singapore, the celebration takes on a uniquely communal rhythm. Beyond morning prayers and family traditions, homes open their doors to a steady stream of visitors – relatives, neighbours, colleagues and friends of all backgrounds. It is warm, generous and often joyfully busy. And for those invited into this space, moving through it with awareness and thoughtfulness makes all the difference.

1.  Can you say “Selamat Hari Raya” if you’re not a Muslim? Yes, you can.

A simple “Selamat Hari Raya” is both warm and appropriate. The phrase is in Malay, widely used in Singapore and across the region. You may also hear “maaf zahir dan batin” – a commonly exchanged expression asking for forgiveness, both seen (zahir) and unseen (batin).

In Arabic, the equivalent greeting is “Eid Mubarak”, which is more commonly used in the Middle East. In Singapore, however, “Selamat Hari Raya” remains the more natural and widely used greeting.

The phrase reflects the spirit of Eid, which follows Ramadan – a month of reflection, repentance and making amends with others. While “maaf zahir dan batin” is not expected of non-Muslim guests, offering it sincerely can signal a deeper understanding of the occasion.

2. Do I need to salam?

During Hari Raya, greetings often carry a deeper sense of meaning. In many Malay-Muslim households, you may notice the gesture known as salam, where a younger person gently takes an elder’s hand and brings it to their forehead as a sign of respect. Among peers, this is typically a handshake, sometimes accompanied by a brief embrace.

At its heart, salam reflects respect, humility and an awareness of relationships across generations.

For non-Muslim guests, there is no expectation to initiate this gesture. It is best to take your cue from the other person. If a hand is offered, it may be returned. If there is hesitation – particularly between men and women – a small nod, a smile, or placing your hand over your heart is a thoughtful and respectful alternative.

If a child approaches you, a gentle handshake or smile is perfectly sufficient. When unsure, simplicity and warmth will always be more meaningful than trying to follow form precisely.

3. Is giving duit raya out expected of me?

You may notice green packets being given to children or younger relatives. Known as duit raya, this is not a religious requirement, but a cultural practice rooted in the Islamic value of sadaqah, or voluntary charity.

In Singapore and across the region, it is common for working adults to give small, symbolic amounts to children. However, there are no strict rules governing who should give or how much.

For non-Muslim guests, there is no expectation to participate. If you are close to the family and wish to do so, modest amounts – such as $5 or $10 (more if you’re super tight) – are more than appropriate. Traditional green packets are commonly used, though any clean and presentable envelope will be received in good spirit.

4. Is it okay to arrive empty-handed?

There’s no need to overthink it. Dates, fruits, kueh or Halal-certified snacks are all thoughtful and appropriate choices. It helps to avoid anything with alcohol or ingredients that aren’t clearly Halal — such as gelatin (which may be pork-derived or made from non-Halal beef), or flavourings like vanilla extract or rum essence that can contain alcohol.

This is not simply a matter of preference, but of religious observance.

While bringing a gift is not expected, particularly for more casual visits, a small gesture can be a gracious way of acknowledging the host’s effort. If you choose to offer duit raya as a token of thanks instead, it is not inappropriate – though gifts are more commonly given to hosts, with green packets typically reserved for children.

5. Dress modestly – it is rooted in both culture and faith

There is no requirement to wear traditional Malay attire, though you are very welcome to if you’d like to join in the festive spirit. You’ll often see hosts dressed in pieces like the baju kurung, baju kebaya or baju Melayu, sometimes in coordinated family colours.

More importantly, it’s about dressing in a way that feels modest and appropriate for a family setting. In Islam, modesty (haya) is a guiding principle that shapes how one presents themselves – in both behaviour and attire. While practices may vary between households, the general expectation is to dress respectfully and avoid clothing that is overly revealing.
For guests, this may simply mean choosing pieces with covered shoulders, longer hemlines or trousers, and avoiding anything too tight or sheer.

In Singapore, where most homes are also shoe-free, it helps to wear something comfortable – and to bring socks if you’d prefer not to be barefoot.

6. Dine mindfully

Food is central to Hari Raya, but so too is the way it is shared. Waiting to be invited before eating, taking modest portions and using serving utensils ensures that everyone has the opportunity to enjoy what has been prepared.

If eating with your hands, it is customary to use the right hand.

You may hear the host say “jemput makan” – which simply means “please, go ahead and eat” – or guests exchanging it with one another before starting.

Ultimately, it is less about strict rules and more about being considerate within a shared and welcoming space.