How to turn your boss’ criticism into your career weapon

An e-mail from a senior boss about a mistake can easily trigger panic – especially when delivered without tone, context or nuance. Renee*, a community care manager, admits that such digital feedback can sting. Yet instead of reacting immediately, she chose to pause, reflect, and acknowledge the oversight in her reply.

“I focus on feedback that resonates with me and is worth working on for self-improvement. I tend to recall what actually happened, and consider whether it’s truly an area I could have done better,” says the 30something, who admits the incident lingered with her for some time.

Michelle*, 29, shares a similar struggle. The service planner feels that criticism often reflects a poor impression of her, rather than just the work itself. Although she consciously decides when to act on feedback, she admits that digital exchanges can still leave her feeling ‘lousy’, like she has ‘let down those who believed in me’.

Why does feedback delivered over e-mail or chat feel so personal, even when it is meant to be constructive? Assistant Professor Anjier Chen, from the Department of Management and Organisation at NUS Business School, says: “There are two sides to this. From the receiver’s perspective, we all have a fundamental need to see ourselves in a positive light. Negative feedback can threaten that self image and trigger defensive reactions.

‘“From the giver’s perspective, they may intend to offer constructive feedback, but their wording or communication style may not come across as constructive.”

That distinction has become even more crucial in the hybrid era, notes Terry Toh, productivity coach and founder of Talk To Terry Coaching, and associate executive coach at Collective Change Institute.

“Digital feedback strips away important contextual cues, forcing our brains to fill in the gaps – often in ways that weren’t intended,” he explains.

“With teams spread across countries and time zones, workers also need to be mindful of cultural and local nuances that aren’t easy to pick up online. Without clear, constructive and two-way feedback, employees risk missing critical information about clients, processes and other issues – all of which can undermine performance.”

Feedback itself has also evolved. “It’s gone from a periodic event to a constant stream in the digital-first era,” says Nancy Goebel, CEO of Digital Workplace Group.

“In the past, you might have waited for a quarterly review or an in-person chat. Today, tools like Teams and Slack mean feedback flies at you in real time. The upside is that it’s more democratic – even a junior employee can share an idea and have the CEO see it the same day.

“The downside is the volume and velocity: it can feel like drinking from a fire hose,” she adds.

In other words, the platform shapes how the message lands. Whether through e-mail, chat apps or video calls, how feedback is delivered digitally can determine whether it motivates growth or breeds resentment.

So how can we make digital feedback work for us rather than against us? We asked career and wellness coaches, digital workplace experts, HR experts and psychologists to share strategies for turning online criticism into a tool for growth and success.

The experts

• ANJIER CHEN, assistant professor, Department of Management and Organisation, NUS Business School
• TERRY TOH, productivity coach and founder of TalkToTerry Coaching, and associate executive coach at Collective Change Institute
• NANCY GOEBEL, CEO, Digital Workplace Group
• ERIN LEE, mindfulness and wellness coach

If you’re providing feedback...

1. Make feedback clear online with designated channels

Nancy Goebel (NG): A well-designed digital workplace helps employees distinguish feedback that truly needs attention from background chatter. It should create more signal and less noise. For instance, using a dedicated channel or tag for “official feedback” lets employees know what’s important, so they can focus on it amid the buzz.

2. Not every message needs an immediate response

NG: Another useful tactic is to establish norms around responsiveness. Not every message needs an immediate reply, and not everyone needs to be cc’d. Teams can be trained to use features like @mentions sparingly – for example, tagging someone only when action or critical input is required.

Clear subject lines or headers that flag priority, such as “[FYI]” versus “[Action Required by Friday],” also make communication far easier to navigate at a glance.

3. Feeling safe matters online

Anjier Chen (AC): Leaders can foster psychological safety by encouraging team members to speak up and take risks, without fear of judgement or being looked down uponIt helps team members stay open and grow when receiving negative feedback.

This, in turn, requires leaders to be receptive to both positive and negative feedback themselves, modelling the behaviour they want to see in the team.

4. Build skills for better feedback

Terry Toh (TT): Workers need proper training in best practices for giving and receiving feedback. This includes grounding feedback in data-driven observations and analysis, contextualising it with relevant nuances, and delivering it in a non-violent, objective and constructive manner.

5. Try to deliver feedback in face-to-face setting

TT: The best way to discuss feedback is face-to-face, as it allows us to leverage the full suite of verbal and non-verbal cues. That said, it requires finesse and training to do it well, and may not be suitable for those who are conflict-avoidant or naturally soft-spoken.

If you’re receiving criticism…

1. Take a deep breath before hitting send

Erin Lee (EL): Take intentional pauses throughout the day. Even a few conscious breaths before replying to an e-mail or stepping into a meeting can create valuable steadiness. Stay present by tuning into the body often, and practise sitting with tension or discomfort instead of rushing to push it away or distract yourself.

Over time, this builds tolerance for difficult moments, so that when feedback arrives, we are less likely to react impulsively or get carried away by negative thought patterns. The key is consistency, because resilience is built gradually.

2. Feedback thrives in supportive circles

EL: Community is essential for sustaining mindfulness and making feedback more constructive. Joining mentorship groups, peer-support circles, or team reflection spaces helps feedback feel less isolating and more collaborative.

3. Take charge of how you receive feedback

TT: To avoid overload and make digital feedback actionable, employees can focus on one to three development areas within a set time frame and communicate these clearly with their managers.

Regular quarterly check-ins, with agendas set and shared in advance, help align expectations and track progress. Informal feedback can be gathered through coffee chats or project milestones, while all input should be documented in a central system – ideally with AI support – to spot patterns over time.

Finally, turning feedback into concrete action plans tied to personal KPIs or OKRs (objectives and key results), and seeking accountability from managers and peers, ensures that growth stays on track.

Choose your channel wisely

The way feedback is delivered often shapes how it is interpreted and acted on, says productivity coach Terry Toh.

E-MAIL: The weakest channel for feedback. Inboxes are already overloaded, and the lack of tone makes messages feel impersonal. Best used to share general information or to set up a face-to-face discussion.

CHAT APPS (EG SLACK, GOOGLE CHAT): Slightly better than e-mail since it’s more conversational, but still prone to misinterpretation and miscommunication.

INTERNAL PERFORMANCE REVIEW PLATFORMS: The most “official” channel, since feedback is formally documented and used in appraisals. However, it should always be supplemented with real-time conversations – whether in person or virtual – before being locked in.

*Names have been omitted upon request.

Additional reporting by Elise Wong