Why ‘Bubble Wrapping’ at work could be doing women more harm than good

Ever rewritten an email so it doesn’t sound too direct or blunt? Added an unnecessary “sorry” before asking a question? Or agreed to take on another task because saying no felt uncomfortable?

These are all examples of "bubble wrapping", cushioning your words or actions to protect someone else's feelings. While anyone can do it, experts say women are often more likely to take on this invisible emotional labour.

When kindness becomes people pleasing

"Emotional bubble wrapping is emotional labour disguised as kindness," says Leadership Coach & Wellbeing Strategist, Mukti Joy.

"It often happens when women feel responsible for managing other people's emotions by softening their communication, over explaining, apologising or taking on extra work so no one feels disappointed or upset."

While these behaviours are often mistaken for emotional intelligence, Joy says they're actually signs of emotional over responsibility.

"Women are often socialised to be 'the nice one', 'the helpful one' or the person who keeps everyone together at work. They start confusing being valued with being easy to approve of."

Instead of asking themselves what they need, many women focus on how others might react.

"As a result, their kindness becomes a mask driven by fear of rejection, disapproval or disappointing others. At that point, it stops being true kindness and becomes self abandonment."

The invisible work behind the work

For Elaine Choi, HR Manager, bubble wrapping isn't just a trend. It's something she sees regularly.

"I'm involved in interviewing candidates, navigating grievances, facilitating difficult conversations and supporting people through uncertainty," she says.

"What I've learnt is that empathy is essential, but so are boundaries. I always try to keep my heart open without carrying everyone's emotions home with me."

She describes it as "the invisible work behind the work".

Women often become the colleague others vent to, the one who smooths over conflicts, explains someone's intentions or makes sure everyone else feels comfortable. "It never appears in a job description, but it takes a tremendous amount of emotional energy."

Choi also points out that emotional labour isn't always about women supporting men.

"Often, it's women absorbing the emotions of other women."

Kindness with boundaries

That doesn't mean women should stop caring.

Instead, Joy encourages women to practise what she calls "carefrontation", confronting with care.

"Carefrontation is about being clear, honest and direct while remaining respectful and kind."
Rather than asking, "Will this upset someone?", she encourages women to ask, "How can I communicate this with clarity and kindness?"

"It allows women to stay warm and compassionate, but with boundaries. It's about being direct without carrying everyone else's emotional reactions on your own."

Choi agrees that emotional labour has real value because it helps build trust, psychological safety and stronger workplace relationships. The problem, she says, is when it's expected from the same people every time.

"The challenge is making it intentional rather than expected."

"When only one group is consistently doing the emotional buffering, it becomes invisible labour. The healthiest workplaces are those where everyone, regardless of gender, shares the responsibility of having difficult conversations, managing conflict respectfully and caring about how others experience work."

There's nothing wrong with being kind. But kindness shouldn't mean constantly editing yourself, carrying everyone else's emotions or putting your own needs last. Sometimes, the most considerate thing you can do isn't to bubble wrap your words, but to communicate with clarity, confidence and care.