#HerWorldHerStory: Singer-songwriter kotoji pens her struggles in her first single

by Hayley Tai & Cheong Wen Xuan  /   August 3, 2020

Anjila Lim aka kotoji’s first music single – Roulette In My Head – is her childhood dream come true


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Music has always been a dream of mine, but I never thought I’d have the courage to pursue it. But I finally pushed myself to release my first single Roulette In My Head in May – a song I wrote two years ago while pursuing my bachelor’s degree in Education, Culture and Childhood in Sheffield.

Then, I went through a difficult period in my relationship. While I was happy to have a partner, my low self-confidence made me anxious about how long the relationship would last. Though things went well, I had this constant fear.

I had an emotional breakdown one day, and that was when I wrote the song. Penning my anxiety of possibly losing a good thing was a way to process my emotions.

In some way, my self-doubt affected my relationship. The same way it made me feel about the songs I wrote as a teen. I never shared them with anyone because I never thought the songs (or I) were good enough.

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For a long time, I struggled with people’s high expectations of me, as my mum is a successful entrepreneur and I’m the eldest of three children in the family. I overcame my insecurities two years later… plagued with the thought of myself as an 80-year-old looking back at my life… feeling a wave of regret and sadness for not giving myself a chance. It reminded me of my childhood dream. At 10, I told my parents that I wanted to be a rock star!

I cried so hard when I first heard the rough mix of my pop-rock single. They were tears of joy… I finally did it! I could tell my story through my song and realise my dream. It gave me a new-found confidence, positivity and attitude to take up any challenges, no matter how scary they might seem. When it comes to love, I’m slowly learning how to let go and accept that whatever will be, will be. And whoever is meant to be in my life will appear when the time is right, and stick around.

This article was first published in Her World’s July issue. Grab a copy today!