How to spot the signs of a toxic relationship

These three signs will help you find out

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Recently the case of Johnny Depp suing his former wife, Amber Heard, became one of the hottest news all over the world. In a 2018 op-ed she wrote for The Washington Post, she described herself as a "public figure representing domestic abuse." Even though Johnny Depp was not named in the article, the actor claimed that the piece had affected his career and he alleged that it cost him lucrative acting roles.

The case ended with the jury deciding that Amber Heard defamed Johnny Depp with actual malice in her 2018 op-ed and awarded Johnny $10m in compensatory damages and $5m in punitive damages. Amber Heard was awarded $2m in compensatory damages, but no punitive damages.

With the case being broadcasted around the world, it brought a light on toxic relationships — something that many people have experienced. Most of the cases, the victims or even both parnters within the relationship did not realize that they were both toxic and hurting each other throughout the relationship, even if it might seem obvious to other people.

Violet Lim, the Chief of Cupid and CEO of Lunch Actually — Asia’s pioneer and biggest dating agency in Asia, shares her expertise on the signs of toxic relationships and how to identify toxic relationships.

Firstly, Lim emphasized that we need to understand ourselves first before getting involved with someone else. Based on Lunch Actually's philosophy that before meeting the right one, we need to be the right one ourselves, understanding our true self is definitely required before being involved in deeper relationships with someone else.

Thus, we can recognize earlier if we’re actually a narcissist and trying to get help from professionals and not include someone else before we become the best version of ourselves.

Ahead, she shares the signs of toxic relationships and some tips to identify whether you’re in a toxic relationship.

These are some of the signs to watch out for.

Jealousy and lack of trust

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"Relationships are supposed to be our safe place to be vulnerable, having someone to rely on, and growing together in every aspect. In a toxic relationship, They will be very competitive, and not in a healthy way because they don’t let you be better or be with someone better than them. One of the parties will be afraid of their partner leaving them. Thus, they will control you in all aspects — from who you see, who you like etc. and not let you grow to be the best version of yourself."

There is no ‘Take and Give’ just ‘All Take, No Give’

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"Healthy relationships are about being happy together and fulfilling each other's needs and wants. When you feel like you’re always pleasing your partner and that your life revolves around only making your partner happy without considering your needs, you need to stop.

Frequently, you will think it's normal and you hope they will change. But, it wont' and you'll only continue to keep giving without getting anything back in return."

Making excuses of your partner's behavior

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"If you ever heard your close friend criticise your partner, and you always argue that ‘you don’t know him/her like I do’ but you don’t really feel that way, then that is a red flag. If you feel like you are forced to defend your partner, you need to rethink about your relationship.

 

Communication feels exhausting

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"In any relationship, communication is the key. When you feel like everything you say is being turned against you, you slowly stop trying to share your feelings honestly because you know where it’s going to lead. When you say things like “I’m feeling really down about work lately” and the type of response you get would be along the lines of “You seem perfectly fine when your friends are around.” then that's a sign that you're being gaslighted about your feelings."

 

You’re being constantly set up for traps

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"Every question and every statement feels like a trap. A path laid out where at the end your partner “proves” a point. For example, instead of asking “Do you want to have dinner with me?” The question is phrased as “Would you rather be glued to your laptop or have dinner with me?”. By any chance, if you answer anything other than what your partner is expecting, it becomes a generalized war like “You always…” or “You never….” However, it’s an entirely different result if the roles are reversed."

My way or my way?

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Controlling behavior can grow into something very ugly. Just because you’re a couple, doesn’t mean you need to agree with everything your partner says. It doesn’t mean you love them any less just because you have a different point of view. A supportive partner would respect what you have to say if they don’t agree with it. As much as everybody wants to be two peas in a pod, you’re still very different peas and that’s okay.

Lunch Actually helps singles meet compatible and like-minded singles through pre-screened, pre-matched, and pre-arranged one-to-one dates, to achieve their goal of 1 million happy marriages. Since then, the homegrown company has since gone on to become the region's largest lunch dating service and has has arranged more than 150,000 dates and matched more than 4,500 happily married couples. 

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