What does it actually mean to be sex positive?

Sex is an integral part of the human experience, but for many, it can be a topic clouded with awkwardness stigma, and confusion. But how can we find ways to learn how to be more comfortable with sex, or learn how to be more sex positive?

What does sex positivity mean?

When it comes to a sex-positive approach, many terms come to mind;

• Pleasurable and consensual
• Part of our health and wellbeing
• Shame free
• Open conversations

Recognizing sexuality in ourselves and in others; owning it and being non-prejudiced of others; seeing the pleasure potential and understanding its contribution to wellness; this is sex positivity. An attitude that encourages warm invitations for people to discuss sex out in the open and look at sex from a different perspective.

Sexuality has long been stigmatised, with lots of miseducation and negativity. BUT this mindful approach breaks down what is societally expected and creates a new norm, one that is optimistic and progressive, inclusive and esteemed.

Why should I be more sex positive?

Developing this new behaviour and way of thinking not only allows us to see the world through a sexually constructive lens, but also ourselves! It can benefit us as individuals by expanding our curiosity about our own sexuality; encouraging exploration of our own bodies; validating our own desires and needs; and, opening up to new (consensual) experiences. This dynamic relationship between ‘me, myself and I’ doesn’t relate to our level of sex drive, but simply nurtures our experience of sex – solo or partnered. As we all know, working on our inner selves is where most progress starts, and when we do so, what we project into the world also changes. Whether it’s acknowledging other people’s sexuality and desires, or respecting others’ needs and pleasure.

What are ways that I can be more sex positive?

• Following accounts and joining Instagram communities that champion our bodies, sexuality and pleasure are a super way to introduce sprinkles of sex positive perspectives into your every day whilst diversifying your feed. Plus, it can make it easier for you to open up the conversation by sharing and posting what you love!
• Brushing up on your sex education has never been easier. Learning resources in 2020 are much more fun and adaptable to our lives and habits; you can learn on your run or squeeze lessons into break time with empowering podcasts, or take a free online teachable course to upskill. And no, these sex ed classes are not like the ones you had at school!
• Reflecting on our feelings and putting them down on paper is a timeless recommendation to gain perspective. Through journaling, we dedicate time for self-compassion and focus on ourselves; we create a physical and mental space to affirm our own sexuality!

The Pink Bits x Smile Makers Vulva Journal

In a collaboration with Pink Bits, sexual wellness brand Smile Makers have partnered with the Instagram illustrator to create a journal that will give you monthly doses of sex positive art and prompts. Called The Vulva Journal, this journal combines artistic expression and journaling, so you can have lots of sex positivity in one place. Follow prompts and activities throughout the year to learn more about your sexuality, and soon, you'll come to find that you've crafted your very own self-love story.

From fantasies to periods, anal and equality; the journal covers all of that over the course of 12 months. Even if you don't own the physical copy, here's a guide as well as prompts you can follow for every month of the year.

January: Vulva Pride

Credit: Pink Bits

1/12

A reminder for us to get to know our vulvas. The more we know about something, the more confident we can be; and that goes for our own bodies too. Understanding the difference between our vulva and vagina, the parts of the vulva and what our own looks like (FYI they are all unique) helps build pride as opposed to shame.

February: Acts of Self‑Love

Credit: Pink Bits

2/12

A note that Valentine’s Day should be all about you.

March: International Women’s Day

Credit: Pink Bits

3/12

A celebration of making the world a more equal place, one orgasm at a time.

April: Cliteracy Lessons

Credit: Pink Bits

4/12

A call to learn more about your pleasure potential through positive sex education! The clitoris is the only organ in the human body that exists for pure pleasure; just one of many sex-positive fun facts!

May: Masturbation Month

Credit: Pink Bits

5/12

A focus on self-pleasure and what makes you feel good! Did you know that May-sturbation was a thing? A whole month dedicated to masturbation and why it’s such a beneficial practice.

June: Pride Month

Credit: Pink Bits

6/12

A look at equipping ourselves with the right words for an inclusive, sex‑positive society and celebrating the LGBTQI+ community!

July: Erogenous Feelings

Credit: Pink Bits

7/12

A reimagination of the Cortical Homunculus, the representation of body parts based on how the brain processes sensory information from them. It’s usually based on bodies with penises SO we took the vulva perspective!

August: Period Positivity

Credit: Pink Bits

8/12

A point on embracing that time of the month and making sure we don’t shy away from sexual pleasure when we’re on.

September: Sexual Health Month

Credit: Pink Bits

9/12

A PSA that sexual health is more than STIs and contraception, highlighting the importance of sexual pleasure to our overall well‑being, and a little something called the pleasure gap…

October: Magic Fantasies

Credit: Pink Bits

10/12

A cue to spark your sensual imagination with sexy short stories and audio erotica, your fantasies are validated!

November: Pain During Sex

Credit: Pink Bits

11/12

A thought on addressing the fact that studies show vulva owners often define good sex as no pain!

December: Anal Sex

Credit: Pink Bits

12/12

A bootiful sense of pleasure. The anus and perianal region contain a lot of nerve endings, which can make stimulation around the butt very pleasurable. For anal sex, make sure your relaxed, lubricated and prepared to communicate with your partner!

This article was originally published on Smile Makers Collection. Smile Makers is a sexual wellness brand on a mission to inspire vulva owners to set their own standards for good sex. As a brand, they bring sexual wellness products into mainstream spaces, remove limiting beliefs around vulva sexuality and foster a global, pleasure-positive and light-hearted conversation about sex.