From The Straits Times    |


Your boyfriend would definitely have had a life before you and it’s his past experiences and the people in his life that make him the man he is today – the man you love. Some female friends could be part of this circle too and there shouldn’t be any reason for you to be bothered or feel threatened by them. But if they’re behaving in an inappropriate manner, there could be more going on than meets the eye. Here are seven situations you should look out for, then have a chat with your man to allay your fears about them.


1. He’s always communicating with them

While it’s ridiculous to expect your boyfriend to give you his undivided attention 24/7, it’s reasonable to want him to be 100% ‘there’ when he’s with you. If he’s constantly messaging his female friends while he’s with you, that’s not normal. Of course, it’s a different story altogether if there’s some sort of emergency (eg. she just broke up with her boyfriend or has a family crisis). But if this is a regular occurrence, he might be closer to them than he’s letting on. And if he’s leaving the room to talk to any of his female friends, he might be hiding something from you. Talk to him and see how he reacts, that will give you a good gauge as to what’s going on.

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2. They don’t like you

You should be suspicious if all his female friends don’t seem to like you. This would be especially worrying if you’ve never had such a problem with previous boyfriends (ie. you’re a nice, likeable girl who most women get along with). There must be a reason why these girls dislike you. It could be because one of them has a crush on him and all of them – except him – know about it or that they loved his ex and are therefore not happy that she’s gone and you’re in his life now. Be cautious around them because they might be counting down the days till you’re history and go to great lengths to split you up.


3. Other people have noticed

If your family or friends have noticed something strange about the way your man’s female friends behave, don’t ignore them. Sometimes, it takes someone looking in from the outside to see things you’re not able to detect. It could be that they’ve spotted how one of his female friends subtly flirts with him (or vice versa) or that one of them always says things to put you down. In this situation, don’t shoot the messenger but instead look at the facts and assess if you need to do anything about it.

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4. They never invite you

It’s true that you should still have your individual time and friends when you’re part of a couple but if his interactions with his female friends never include you, you have a big problem on your hands. If the relationships are purely platonic, there’s no reason for him to hide them from you or for them not to want you to hang out with them. Especially if your relationship is a serious one, they should be trying to get to know you too. Solve this mystery by asking your man why you’re never invited to these outings.



5. They share a past

It’s possible to end up as just friends after dating but if your boyfriend went out with one of his female friends and is still hanging out with her as much as before, even after asking you to be his girl, you might have a reason to be worried about her. If you find that the way they’re behaving with each other is inappropriate or uncomfortable for you, talk to him and get his reassurance that nothing is ever going to happen between them. And if you feel she has overstepped her friend boundaries in any way, tell him how you feel because he won’t be aware of it until you say so.

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6. They throw hissy fits

Whether it’s because he didn’t return their calls or he changed plans with them because he wanted to be with you instead, his female friends have no right to throw tantrums or demand anything from your boyfriend. Don’t stand for this sort of behaviour if it happens and tell your man frankly what you think of it.


7. They flirt with him

No woman flirts with a man unless she’s interested in him so if you witness this behaviour towards your boyfriend by any of his female friends – whether directly to his face or via his social media posts – you might have something to worry about. Also look out for friends who constantly tease him – but never with you. So if they’re always bringing up his exes or that girl he had a crush on when he was 16, but never ever mentioning his relationship with you, there’s something not quite right with this situation.


8. They’re always posting/tagging him in social media 

Does a certain female friend always comment, like or tag him on Facebook or Instagram? There’s a fine line between posting and tagging your boyfriend as a close friend, or posting and tagging him to annoy you and show how close she is to him. If you’re not too sure, talk to your boyfriend about it and suss out whether this girl is just addicted to social media, or if she’s trying to assert dominance over you.  


9. He confides in them more than he does to you

Being in a healthy relationship means being open about your thoughts, feelings, and everyday stuff. We’re not saying you have to report everything to each other, but if your man has been keeping things from you and telling his friends instead, it may be time to question why you’re in this relationship. Sure, there may be issues between you that he doesn’t want to discuss with you, but it’s better to have everything in the open so you can help each other get through it. If he’s always running to his female friends to talk about his stress, or any work or family drama, you will need to address this problem. 


10. Your boyfriend gets upset when they have a boyfriend 

It’s normal for friends to be concerned if they feel that another friend’s significant other isn’t good enough for them, or isn’t a nice person.

However, it’s also true that men notice these things a lot less than women, so if your boyfriend is suddenly upset his female friend has found someone  – and especially if that other man appears to be a nice human being, whose only crime was dating your boyfriend’s friend – it’s a cause for concern. Talk to your boyfriend about it to see why exactly he’s so upset; if he can’t tell you or won’t tell you, that’s a big red flag.