How to find a therapist that's right for you

So you want to do the work and see a therapist. Good for you! Here are five simple steps to remember when you're shopping for a therapist.

By Aaron Kok WQ - 5 Mar 2024

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Perhaps you've come to the realisation recently that you need to do the work with a therapist to unravel some of the anxieties that have become a part of you. Perhaps you've woken up one day and decided that enough is enough, you're going to take care of your mental health and the issues that are causing your anxieties to go into overdrive.

Good for you. But for newcomers, shopping for the right therapist can be as intimidating as taking that first step to wanting to seek therapy.

At a recent dinner, a friend confided that their first consultation ever went so awful that they were put off therapy and she'd rather live with their anxiety. They had no idea what a good therapist can feel like, and how shopping for a therapist often takes time.

And while we gave her tips and encouragement to continue searching for the right help, therapist shopping can feel overwhelming.

So much like how we banded around this friend to share the tips on shopping for a therapist successfully, here are five simple steps to bear in mind when you embark on your journey of seeking the right help.

Do a specialties check

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Much like how you'd seek doctors with specialist practices, look for a therapist that can especially address your focus area. For example, some practitioners have more experience in eating disorders, while others can help you treat trauma better. Some therapists can work with particular client demographics, such as a combination of age, gender or challenges.

Make some inquiries with them on their credentials, which often come listed with specialties, so you know where their expertise lies.

Before signing, ask questions

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Often, your first contact with a therapist will likely be in scheduling the initial consultation, so be sure to ask the questions that can help you better assess if this practice is a right fit for you.

Inquire about their payment plans or if your corporate insurance covers therapy, how their sessions work, and if they can offer a summary of what happens in a typical session. If you're able to speak with the doctor directly, asking how many sessions you should anticipate helps you get a better sense of what's to come.

Even in the initial consultation, asking questions can help you get a more positive experience. For example, you could ask what their methods are like for working with you on your issues, or if they have experience in treating a specific concern, or are they open to coordinating with other caregivers should the need arise?

How does a good therapist fit feel like?

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More often than not, therapy is a safe space for you to embrace whatever you're feeling. Whether you're in a puddle of tears, completely emotionless or pacing up and down the room, a good therapist holds space for you to feel accepted and remains warm despite the flurry of strong emotions you may exhibit.

They listen in a way that feels professional and like you can trust them.

So cry, scream, ramble, laugh, vent. It's your safe space to do so.

Are there red flags with therapists?

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For sure! A therapist should be there to help you, not add to your anxieties.

What they shouldn't be doing is immediately jumping into dispensing advice on what to do and what not to do after listening. They should be friendly, but you shouldn't feel like they are your friend.

Another red flag could be a therapist who gets too personal and talks too much about their own life so much so that it feels like a role reversal.

Lastly, remember that you should feel at ease at all times. So if anything they are doing is not giving you that – such as being unattentive, hurrying you through your session or throwing four years' worth of med school jargon at you – they're probs not for you, sis.

Is 'cheating on your current therapist' a thing?

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So you've found a new therapist you like better than your current, now what?

Be honest, let them know that you've found someone who can better help you work through your issues. A good therapist is not going to hold it against you for switching. If they care for you as much as you think they do, then they'd want you to get the best help possible, even if it's not within their own practice.