The “Hongdae Boy”: 5 signs he’s a red flag right off the bat

Are you open-minded? He lives alone, dons a black leather jacket and enjoys clubbing — “Hongdae boys” are the next viral phenomenon on TikTok now.

The term “Hongdae Boy”, along with the up-to-no-good playboy stereotype connected to it, was first popularised by TikTok user @itsseansolo. Physically attractive devils in disguise, their reputation was fuelled through a series of his TikToks where he parodies them, allowing the internet to define “Hongdae Boys” as walking red flags.

Men who are there for a good time but not for a long time, “Hongdae Boys” are Korean men who spend their time lingering around outside bars and clubs in Seoul’s trendiest shopping and nightlife district, Hongdae Street.

With intentions of picking up women for a romantic fling or a one-night stand, a typical “Hongdae Boy” encompasses the characteristics of any average playboy: overly flirtatious right off the bat, on a mission to capture your attention and number.

While this behaviour has been popularised and associated with being a “Hongdae Boy”, this behaviour definitely doesn’t only happen in Hongdae. In retrospect, I’ve met my fair share of “Hongdae Boys” in Singapore, and I’m sure you’ve definitely bumped into at least one too.

They don’t look the same physically, but their mannerisms and behaviour definitely ring a bell. In a nutshell, they’re your classic playboys: Commitment issues, womaniser behaviour, and juggling more women than you probably don’t know about.

Have you ever been played? If not—lucky you. But if you have, you’re not alone. Finding a genuine, emotionally available man who’s truly interested in you (not just the chase) can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. The good news? There are telltale signs that can help you spot a playboy before you get caught in his game—so you can protect your heart and move on with clarity and confidence.

1. Dishonesty is their “best policy”

Ladies, if he’s always been vague or secretive with his plans and explanations, it might mean that he wants to avoid taking responsibility for his actions. It’s a cheat code that he can use as an excuse if he were to be caught lying, or even getting away with doing something you’re not comfortable with.

To be overly defensive, even when questioned for the simplest of things, might hint at a more complex lie that he’s been hiding behind your back. After the end of a fleeting relationship that lasted two months, 22-year-old Shermaine reflects on the blatant white lies that she once believed.

2. He’s too controlling

The feeling of jealousy itself is a normal and common behaviour to have, especially when you’re absolutely smitten with your partner or the man you’re talking to. Some even see it as endearing. However, excessive jealousy that becomes borderline controlling behaviour is something that’s no longer cute, but rather concerning.

Having dated a possessive man, 22-year-old Eve got to realise what’s best for her after experiencing a jealous partner who overstepped their boundaries.

Nobody likes to be micromanaged in a relationship. If the man you’re seeing is already showing excessive jealousy, it might be a red flag for a growing power imbalance, where he thinks he’s above you. Your freedom will be limited to his control and decisions, and it’s never a fun time to let someone else gain control over your own life.

3. He’s a lovebomber

Now, who doesn’t love princess treatment? It’s indeed hard not to fall for a man who drives you everywhere, spoils you with expensive gifts, and showers you with compliments.

What we don’t realise is that we are being pushed to become overly dependent and expectant, only to receive inconsistent treatment as time passes. One day he’s a full-on loverboy, and the next he’s merely 30% invested in you. Before you know it, you’re kissing his feet, and he has complete control over you.

In 28-year-old Jia Xuan’s case, it was hard for her to cope with his wavering attention, even when she felt the happiest when she was with him.

There are no faults with showering your partner with affection, as long as you feel that the relationship feels genuine. However, if you do start to feel uneasy with the inconsistency in his behaviour, it’s best to discover where those feelings of anxiousness come from.

4. He doesn’t prioritise you

Don’t settle for someone who constantly puts his needs above yours. If he dismisses your feelings and downplays the issues that you raise with him about your relationship, it’s evident that he lacks empathy and an emotional connection with you to truly care for you.

In one of my previous situationships, I was always second place to his best friend, Mahjong. The irony of it all was that I was jealous that he paid more attention to his Mahjong game than he did to me. He was constantly late to dates, and even cancelled some so that he could play with his friends.

I eventually ended the relationship as he never tried to consider things from my perspective, ignoring my feelings and calling me silly. I felt like a loser, because I lost a man to a bunch of square tiles on a green table. But why should I feel regretful when he couldn’t even attempt to understand me?

You shouldn’t let anybody treat you as a choice and not an equal in their life. Find someone willing to put themselves in your shoes and try to understand your views.

5. He talks down on his ex

Criticising an ex-partner upon first impressions might be a telling sign of their character. Claims that are supported with valid reasons are acceptable. However, on the account where they dismiss elaborating and spiral on the agenda of insulting their ex, it might be a red flag in a sense where they are quick to turn resentful even for someone they’ve previously cared for.

A mind-boggling story by 23-year-old Nicole, her friend was villainised without her own knowledge, while he played the victim.

If you’re seeing a man who continuously insults his ex without reason, he probably doesn’t have the ability to consider your opinions if you were to encounter an issue in the relationship. If they weren’t able to empathise with their previous partner, it’s unlikely that they would be able to empathise with you too. Who knows, you might be the next one they call “crazy”.

That being said, these red flags above might not be blatantly obvious, especially when you’re actively assuming the best in the man you’re seeing. However, if you’re aware of his flaws and have given him one too many chances, it’s time to reconsider your options.

Ultimately, you deserve someone who values and reassures you, and not someone who makes you doubt yourself and your relationship.