Business Of Love: Meet the matchmaker who taps on her talent recruitment skills

She’s not Sima Aunty, nor does she expect single women to compromise in their quest for finding “The One”. Meet Anju Lagah, the modern matchmaker behind Two Find Matchmaking, who takes a behavioural and practical approach to her vocation.

Having moved to Singapore from the UK 15 years ago, the former recruiter brings a corporate angle to matchmaking, using science and evidence to help singles overcome their mental and emotional barriers, and find connection with a partner.

In this Business of Love series, we speak to a matchmaker, a couple who are couples therapists, and a Gen-Z trio reshaping the discourse on sexual wellness. Here, discover the motivations behind 49-year-old Anju's matchmaking endeavours.

How did you get started?

I was a recruitment consultant and headhunter, working in emerging tech, both in the UK and Singapore. It often involved navigating and managing people’s expectations, especially when persuading them to consider a particular job opportunity.

I was always coaching them, guiding them towards the optimal next career move. It revolved around grasping their motivations on a deeper level.

So it made sense to bring my experience in recruiting to the realm of matchmaking. I have always wanted to become a matchmaker: Growing up, I would watch a lot of dating shows, plus I saw my mum and grandmother act as unofficial matchmakers for our community back in the UK.

In 2020, right before Covid-19, I quit my job, and I went on a journey trying to understand what I wanted to do. I did a certification, and am now part of a network of 1,000 global matchmakers.

What is your approach towards matchmaking?

After speaking to matchmakers and doing my certification, I realised that matchmaking isn’t just about presenting high- quality matches to individuals. A couple of main areas emerged from my research – one of which is an individual’s beliefs, values and thoughts.

Internally, there might be a limiting belief or self-sabotaging thoughts, for example: All the good single people are taken. Or you might not be as attractive as when you were in your 20s. These [beliefs] might limit the way you actually approach dating and behave during the process.

Then, there are those who have expectations of instant chemistry. People expect to be swept off their feet, and they expect their partner to prioritise them, to be all-encompassing, and to make them happy. They think that a relationship should be easy, not hard.

But if we look at the relationships in our lives and how they’ve evolved, you’ll realise that you don’t click with everyone straight away. Research shows that only 11 or 12 per cent of healthy relationships start with instant chemistry.

How does a matchmaking session at Two Find work?

We have an introduction call, after which there’s a complementary questionnaire. It takes about 45 minutes to an hour. I run a “dating with intention” coaching programme, where we look at anything that could get in the way of you finding the right person for a healthy, loving relationship, where you walk out with tangible [realisations], like are you dismissing people too early? The programme lasts for eight weeks, and it’s one hour a week.

Thereafter, the matchmaking is by invite only. I only work with clients I know I have the right profiles for. I do an individual search for them where, within a certain time period, I guarantee a number of high quality matches. I also vet all my matches, including their ICs, latest payslips, and divorce papers (if any), so I can ensure that they are who they say they are. And because they all go through the coaching programme with me, I get to know them well in terms of their profile, values and preferences.

Do you feel like matchmaking is the step you take after you can’t find a match on dating apps?

No, it’s complementary. I still encourage my clients to use dating apps, and they have a place. They’re a great way to identify a pool of single people. But my clients now understand that you can’t really judge a human being based on their profile and a few words. So what we do with coaching is broaden the kind of people that you meet, and look at your behaviours, as well as what you’re looking for in a relationship.

What’s the difference between traditional and modern matchmaking?

Traditional matchmaking didn’t allow for individual choice. The decision was left mostly to the parents, so you weren’t given a chance to understand and get to know each other. Modern matchmaking is actually on the uptake, people are looking at it more for the reasons of time, confidentiality, and having a third-party to go through the motions and look at the values.

PHOTOGRAPHY Clement Goh
ART DIRECTION Adeline Eng
HAIR Aung Apichai, using Kevin Murphy
MAKEUP Aaron Ng, using YSL