Ask A Sexpert: What makes a good blowjob?

Got a burning (no pun intended) sex-related issue you want answered? In Ask A Sexpert, our resident spicy expert Jacqueline Kee of sexual wellness brands Genvie and Hedonist answers all your questions. Still looking for answers? Email us your questions at herworldsocial@sph.com.sg.

Want to have your partner yelling, “Oh my god, don’t stop!”? Giving an unforgettable blow job is more than just technique—it’s about the whole experience. And no, there’s no balloon blowing involved! If you’re ready to master the art of giving head, here are some top tips you can try tonight (or whenever the mood strikes) to leave your partner begging for more.

Before you begin, keep these three essentials in mind:

1. Mindset is key

Approach it with positivity and enthusiasm. A great experience begins with open communication and mutual consent. If you’re both on the same page, you’ll feel more confident and excited, making it a lot more enjoyable for both of you. Imagine how uninspiring it would be if your partner approached you with reluctance—so bring the passion, and it will show!

2. Tune into his cues

Watch his body language, listen to his breathing, and adjust based on his reactions. Everyone has different preferences, so observe what gets the best response, and focus on those areas to make the experience even better.

3. Keep it slick

Use plenty of saliva or lube to maintain a smooth rhythm. It enhances the sensation and just feels great. A flavoured lube adds a fun twist, they come in strawberry and chocolate flavors and are totally safe to ingest, think of it like dessert with benefits!

Now, let’s dive into some of my top techniques for giving head:

I’ll break it down into beginner tips and more advanced moves, so take it at your own pace and comfort level. Remember, there’s no rush—start slow and explore what feels right for you and your partner. The key is to keep it playful and relaxed, making sure both of you are enjoying the experience. Whether you’re just starting or looking to level up, these techniques can help you bring a new sense of connection and pleasure into your intimacy.

Beginner Tips

1. Warm up with teasing (patience = payoff)

The build-up and anticipation is where it’s at, trust me! Start slow with soft, barely-there kisses along their thighs or light tongue flicks around the base. Set the tone and take your time—when he starts to squirm a bit, you’ll know he’s ready.

2. Keep your hands in play

Try coordinating your hand movements with your mouth as you bob your head up and down. Wrap your hand around the base with a firm grip—just enough to add stimulation without being too tight or too loose—and move it up and down in unison. This makes coordination easier. Once you find your rhythm, feel free to mix things up with circular or stroking motions to enhance the pleasure even more.

3. Throw in some eye contact

There’s something incredibly intimate about glancing up at him every now and then. That eye contact might make him blush (or even melt), and it’s a fantastic way to maintain that fiery connection. Just remember to keep it subtle; we’re not auditioning for a horror film here! Think of yourself as a snake charmer, enticing his serpent with your mouth.

4. Use gentle suction for extra sensation

Add a bit of suction as you pull up—it gives them a little extra intensity without having to change things up too much. Keep it gentle; think of it more like sipping from a straw than, well, vacuuming!

Advanced Techniques

1. Switch up the speed and pressure (With Tongue)

Instead of sticking to a consistent bobbing motion, which can feel a bit robotic (like channeling your inner woodpecker), spice things up by varying your rhythm and pressure with your tongue. Your mouth is a versatile instrument, so use not just your tongue but also your inner cheeks, the roof of your mouth, and even your teeth (some guys might enjoy that, but not everyone—so tread carefully!).

Experiment with different sensations: you can stiffen your tongue for a more targeted touch or widen and soften it for a sensual glide. One fun technique I often share in my couples intimacy workshops is drawing numbers with your tongue along the shaft and tip. This playful variety keeps him on his toes, and my personal favorite is twisting into 6, 8, or 9 grins.

2. That Sweet Spot: The frenulum

If you want to send him into overdrive, pay attention to the frenulum—the sensitive area on the underside of the penis. It’s packed with nerve endings, and a gentle lick, some circular tongue motions, or light suction here can work wonders. It’s like his hidden button of pleasure!

However, don’t focus solely on this spot. Just like the clitoris, too much stimulation can become overwhelming. Use it strategically, checking in with his body language to gauge whether to speed up or slow down, creating a rhythm that builds pleasure.

3. Add some good vibrations

Adding vibrations to blowjob and handjob techniques can heighten pleasure by stimulating nerve endings and creating new sensations. Vibrating toys like a masturbator or penis rings bring variety and surprise, enhancing intimacy and improving responsiveness. Integrating this element can transform your skills and offer a fresh, thrilling dynamic to intimate play.

4. Don’t forget temperature play

A simple trick to make things more interesting is to vary the temperature. You could take a sip of warm tea or cold water beforehand and then use your mouth. Temperature contrast can heighten sensitivity and create unique sensations.

Red flags to avoid:

Pleasure isn’t one-dimensional and is highly personal. Some guys might like their balls sucked on, while some will push you right off! To ensure a satisfying experience, it’s important to be aware of a few red flags to avoid. Here are 3 pointers to consider for a happy ending:

1. Excessive teeth

A light graze is fine, but too much pressure from your teeth can kill the mood. Keep your lips around your teeth to soften the contact.

2. Forget to breathe

It sounds simple, but in the heat of the moment, we sometimes forget to take a breather! Find a rhythm that allows you to comfortably breathe through your nose, and don’t hesitate to pause for a breath when needed.

3. Ignoring your comfort

If gagging is an issue, focus on controlling the depth and angle. Stay relaxed and find positions that work for you. One technique that has worked for some is to form a tight fist with your thumb, which may help relax the back of your throat. Additionally, find comfortable positions that minimize the gag reflex. If things aren’t working out, don’t stress—just stick to a depth that feels good for you. You can always use your hands to make up for any depth you’re not comfortable with. If you get the rhythm right, with all the head bobbing, sucking, and hand movements, he might even notice the difference!

The Golden Rule: Enjoy the moment!

The most important thing is to enjoy the experience together! Pay attention to each other’s cues, go with the flow. If you feel like you need a little extra guidance or inspiration, why not consider exploring expert tips with a certified sex coach?

Hedonist’s popular “Private Blowjob & Handjob Workshop” offers tailored 1-on-1 guidance designed to enhance your confidence and skills and is more than just a learning experience. Whether you join as a couple or with friends, it’s a safe, engaging, and fun way to learn new techniques, spark intimacy, and discover fresh ways to connect with your partner. Plus, you’ll leave feeling empowered and better equipped to explore pleasure with confidence!

Remember, investing in your intimate connection is not just about improving techniques—it’s about deepening your bond, having fun, and creating lasting memories together. Now go on, give these tips a try and let’s blow their mind!