Issue 1: After he proposed, my fiance seems to have gotten "lazier" in expressing his emotions and wanting to explore new options with me. How do i bring it up without hurting his feelings or getting us into an argument?
It is not unusual that guys get complacent after “the deal is sealed”. The thrill of the chase is over, he has reached his goal, and now it’s time for him to get onto the next “project”.
Broach the topic by asking the kind of life he envisages for you as a married couple.
It can begin with, for instance, "Are we going to be the boring, old married couple who doesn’t speak, the couple who fights all the time, or the cool, happening couple who continue to have an exciting and passionate life together?"
Follow up with the appropriate answer or question, after he expresses his emotions, and explore new options, should you have differing opinions.
Issue 2: We've already started bickering even before the wedding! There are so many issues that we've never really talked about before agreeing to tie the knot and now I worry it's too late. What should I do?
You should resolve this by engaging the professionals, if you cannot resolve this among yourselves.
This is serious, and not something you can put off until after the wedding. Some people are afraid to broach the topic in case it impacts their wedding.
Remember: your wedding is only one day, and your marriage is for life: it's worth solving all your issues before that!
Issue 3: I had to push him to propose, and he doesn't seem so excited in terms of the wedding and getting married. Are we moving too fast and in the right direction?
If you're worried, you should first pause, think about things and have an honest discussion about how he really feels about this step.
The last thing you need is for him to turn around some time down the track and say “I never wanted to marry you, you forced me”.
Having said that, you should not be waiting around forever for him to be ready as you have to make your own decision about your life too, even if it means having to take a break from the relationship.
Issue 4: My partner is just so lazy and I am so exhausted handling all the details of the wedding prep. I don't know if there are any ways to make him more excited and involved in the preparations? He seems totally disinterested and I worry if he really wanted to get married in the first place. Help!
Do be clear about whether the wedding is something he has an emotional investment in, or he is doing the ceremony "just to please you.
His lack of enthusiasm may not mean he doesn't want to be married to you. It's just, he may prefer going about it another way.
Instead of being carried away with your “dream wedding” and getting him to help you create that, discuss and find out important element(s) of the wedding that are significant to him and let him take responsibility for that.
Let him know that he does need to be involved in some of the planning too as it’s his wedding too.
Ho Shee Wai is the Director & Registered Psychologist of The Counselling Place. For more information, go to www.thecounsellingplace.com.
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