From The Straits Times    |


PHOTO: Juli Bun Bun’s dayre

So we’ve probably read about the infamous blogger, Juli Phang (or Bun Bun), who gave a blow-by-blow scathing account of her friend’s wedding. The truth is all of us have been guilty (more or less) of what she did; but we kept it private amongst close friends, and were probably more considerate and constructive about our criticisms. There’s nothing wrong about having a difference of opinion but there is an issue with how you express that opinion.

As guests we have to be mindful about what we say and do at someone else’s wedding, especially if the newlyweds are our close friends or family members. An invitation to a wedding is an invitation to celebrate a significant occasion with friends who appreciate your presence at an important occasion – and that is an honour. 

As a guest, you should be celebrating and sharing the joy of the occasion with the newlyweds and their friends and family. And if you’re part of the wedding party, (it seems Juli was part of the entourage if she was sitting in the bridal car with the bride), then the honour is even greater – the bride and groom have included you to be part of their closest and dearest for the biggest event of their lives.

It’s sad when you read about guests who attend a wedding and the only good thing they can say about it is how fabulous they look, and how amazing their own wedding was in comparison.

But there are some points to note from the blogger’s condescending account of her friend’s wedding:

Pictures, recommendations and sales pitches are never enough
Juli told The New Paper in an interview (published on Oct 1, 2015): “I started the post to point out how unassuming couples may not get the full value of what they paid for.”

Her friend may actually have got the full value of what she signed up for, but I do know of a few couples who felt shortchanged after confirming their bridal packages. 

When you sign up a bridal package with a salon or designer, always be sure to check out their services and merchandise before confirming it. I have friends who signed packages at bridal fairs based on the salon’s picture portfolios only to discover that the actual gowns they are entitled to (based on their packages) are far inferior to what was represented in the pictures. There are also instances where couples will have to pay a hefty top-up to get the ‘premium’ gowns of their dreams, or the wedding photographer of their choice.

Ensure that your package you sign up for gives you what you want. Be clear about additional costs and what exactly you can expect for your wedding – be it the car decoration, groom’s suit or even your tea ceremony dress.

Also be aware that you get what you pay for – so don’t dream of the heavens when you have only budgeted enough for ground level reality.


PHOTO: Juli Phang’s blog

Have a wedding co-ordinator
If you can afford one, a wedding planner will be a great help to ease all your concerns, worries and stress; if you can’t afford one, or wish to handle the wedding prep by yourself, it’s best to delegate all the logistics and coordination issues to a family member or close friend. It’s near impossible for you, or your other half, to oversee the entire day’s proceedings if you’re supposed to be enjoying it or are too busy being in the spotlight the entire day. 

This person should also be familiar with your family members and close friends so that if there are any issues or misunderstandings, he or she will be able to handle it calmly and efficiently without fuss. 

Make it personal
Juli also mentioned, “Why is the emcee a member of the restaurant staff?”

There’s nothing wrong with having a professional host or someone who’s not a family member or friend to emcee your wedding. I would see it as an additional perk if their services were free. But you should always ensure that you give your host, or emcee, enough input and personal anecdotes he can useYou can always ask someone else to be your emcee, but thank you speeches and toasts should always be given by you and/or your husband

No wedding celebration is perfect; but what makes a wedding memorable are the many personal touches and happy, touching incidents that happen during the proceedings. It doesn’t matter if you’re not a good speaker, or don’t give witty toasts – friends and family who know you won’t see that as a flaw. What matters is that when you make a speech, or toast, fill it with personal anecdotes and do it with feeling. Your guests will appreciate that. Everyone is at your wedding to share in the joy of the occasion so express that joy in your own personal way.

Don’t argue, be happy
Just before the day’s proceedings begin, remind your family, wedding party and friends that it’s a happy occasion: if they’re unhappy about anything, bring the issue up with you or your wedding coordinator privately. No matter how stressful things get, everyone needs to remember that the wedding is not about them, it’s about the couple (i.e. yourselves). This is your happiest day and they should be considerate enough to not ruin it for you by losing their temper or doing and saying the wrong thing. Keep it cordial and calm and solve problems the best way you can without antagonizing anyone else.

It’s your day
Although we don’t know much about the newlyweds who Juli criticised, I am sure they will be upset with her comments. But if they are focused on what their wedding really meant to them, what the occasion signified, then Juli’s statements are irrelevant and unimportant.

As mentioned before, no wedding is perfect; if you keep in mind what the day really means to you, then whatever criticisms or brickbats that are thrown your way should not matter  Many times, it’s the unexpected incidents during the wedding that make it memorable. If you are happy with your wedding prep and how everything is turning out, that is all that matters. Be positive and always remember what the meaning and priorities of the celebrations are. And make sure your family members and close friends understand this as well.

Don’t let someone’s ignorant and inconsiderate remarks destroy your happy memories.