Photos of Jade and Terence’s wedding: Her World Brides March – May 2015
So how’s married life treating you? Are you both still in the honeymoon period?
I never thought I’d say this but…married life is great! Actually it is more or less “same same but happier”, haha. We’ve been together for years now so I think we’ve been way over the honeymoon period for ages now. Although, I don’t think people should get married when they are still in the honeymoon period! My personal opinion is that you have to see all the cracks and not-so-pretty bits to make an informed decision about spending the rest of your life with this one person.
We went to Mauritius with the couple and came away with lovely photos like these. More on their trip here.
You guys were staying together before the wedding – has anything changed?
Nothing’s changed – and that’s great! I think much of the reason why I say married life is mostly the same (just happier) is the fact that we were already staying together. While others may think that makes the whole wedding thing “less romantic”, I think it’s just being realistic – staying together involves a lot more compromise and understanding than just “who does the dishes” and it’s good to see if you enjoy living in such close proximity with another human being!
What was the biggest issue you had to deal with after marriage and what are your priorities now that the wedding is over?
Not much has changed. Our priorities are still the same as well – each other, family, friends, work…
I remember your other half being the groomzilla before the wedding and it’s was quite stressful for you – how are thing between both of you now?
He was a Groomzilla! But to be honest I was thankful he was as I could then be really chill and laid back – someone has to be the one to drive the whole thing! The morning after the wedding, we both woke up, looked at each other and felt really happy. I remember us both saying something like “we’re married! Well that was fun – but glad it’s over!” and then laughing. Our wedding day was an awesome one; one where we both let loose and let our wonderfully supportive family and friends run the show for us – yes, Groomzilla was completely hands-off too! Still, we both feel the same – that while the wedding was amazing, in the end it’s the marriage and lifetime union to each other, and not that one special day that matters most to us.
Both of you lead extremely busy work lives with long hours – how does that work for the relationship?
It really is about prioritising, making time for each other, and valuing quality over quantity – and both parties must feel the same about this. Yes we both work hard and keep long hours at work. On top of that we both cherish our time playing sport and keeping fit – basketball and football for him, netball, marathon-training runs, skating and many others for me. I’m also a very social creature who enjoys going out and catching up with my girlfriends – while he’s an introvert and needs his time at home to read, play FIFA (I don’t really understand this, haha) and just recollect. Then there is still time that we would like to spend with family. How we do it is by respecting each other’s time; we fill each other in on our individual schedules and have recently started using Google’s shared calendar function to keep track of this. We also never make demands on each other’s time – I especially appreciate this as beyond work, it’s me who has more stuff on most of the time.
Instead, we proactively each set aside time to spend with each other where we can and make small sacrifices to do so – we will wait for each other to have dinner wherever possible (we end up eating at 10pm quite frequently as a result!); we try to spend more time together on the weekend, working around each of our schedules and plans; and will go out on dates then; we attend mass in church together every week; and on a daily basis, we usually stay up to wait for the other to get home to say prayers together before we go to sleep. We make sure to fill each other in our respective days and catch-up daily (or maximum every two days). We also share a car and try to send each other to places wherever possible, and use the time in the car on the journey there to catch up. As far as possible, we try to learn new sports, check out new places and do new activities together as well.
Some couples say the romance fizzles out fast after marriage – how’s yours and how do you keep it burning?
We’ve been married less than a year – I hope it will not fizzle out fast! Haha. I don’t know about romance per se, but I think it’s important to stay connected and relevant in the other’s life, and we try to do that. See above for that!
He’s actually better at keeping the romance burning – he sometimes surprises me with small gifts for no reason, or will buy me useful things he sees that he thinks will help improve my life – for example, he put up a chalkboard to remind me of things (I can be a bit scatterbrained about things like taking my car key, wallet and mobile out of the house when I’m heading out!) or will get me phone protectors (I have to date smashed 4 phone screens and counting…). He will also book surprise dinners at new places for us.
On my part, I will usually suggest new things we can do together or invite him along when I play sports. I have started looking out for new makan places to try together too…I should step up!
Your top 5 tips for couples to deal with after their marriage?
- Pick your battles. Not every thing is worth fighting over and isn’t it tiring to argue over what really is nonsense (after you’ve calmed down and thought about it)? Discuss and fight for the issues that really matter, compromise on the rest and as for the things that don’t really matter and are not consequential (but ones that can be highly irritating) – like “why does he leave all his shoes right outside the front door – I keep tripping on them!” (true story) – just step over them (literally and figuratively) and ask nicely if he would please move them. Then let it go. You kind of know it’s going to keep happening anyway, so unless you want to be picking up the slack (I certainly don’t!) just close one eye. There are so many more important things in life to worry about!
- Don’t nag. I hate being nagged at – and I hate nagging even more. In my humble opinion, I think it kills the romance – and makes me want to run as far away as possible! I told the husband “saying something once is fine; twice is annoying but I’ll accept it as a reminder; three times is nagging and unacceptable”. So whenever one of us says something twice (usually him, haha!) the other person will get that warning that he/she’s treading into “nagging territory” then we’ll have a laugh about it and stop.
- Stay connected. Be sure to update each other on your day, your dreams, your fears, your feelings. Make time for each other and go out on dates if possible to spend quality time and explore new environments together. When you stop being connected is I think when the relationship stops working. It’s very easy to fall into a pattern of “disconnectedness”, so make the effort a habit and do it daily.
- Remember to be thankful and look inward. Look at the positives and be thankful for the good things your partner does for you. It’s very easy to compare, whine and complain about your partner not doing enough for you and for the relationship – but what have you done lately? Make the effort first and treat your partner how you want to be treated. After that, it’s important to…
- Speak up. This is my biggest tip for all relationships! If you don’t tell your partner what you want, how would the other person ever know? I am personally terrible with picking up hints and innuendos while my partner is much more perceptive. I truly believe that a lot of relationship problems stem from things not being said – and people being disappointed at unmet expectations after. Tell your partner what you want. Tell your partner what is great – and also what is unacceptable. Tell your partner when they have done something right and show appreciation when they do. Life would be so much easier if everyone just spoke up and not expect others to be mind-readers!