Sex is another big cause of fights with problems usually due to either too much, too little and “You want me to do what?!”
Anthony, 29, saw his marriage go into deep freeze for four months after the wedding because the boardroom was getting in the way of the bedroom. As a lawyer, he often had to work late to prepare for new cases, which left him “just too beat to have sex”.
“Trying to explain to May, my wife, that I was working hard to shore up on our savings so we could have a nice lifestyle didn’t work,” explains Anthony. She just felt neglected. When their fights got so bad that they weren’t even trying to talk to each other, Anthony made a decision.
“I made it a point to come home early at least twice a week so May and I could have dinner and spend time together.” It wasn’t easy but by working harder on the other days, or lunching at his desk, Anthony managed. So on days when he did get home early enough to have dinner with May, dessert would usually be served in bed.
For Selena, 34, her problem was the different attitudes she and her husband had regarding sex. “My husband Stephen, is your regular, traditional kind of guy. His idea of sex is, well, regular,” Selena says with a laugh. Boring is what she means.
“We’d do it twice a week, on the same days of the week, in the same position and we’d finish with a bit of supper because he gets hungry after ‘his exercise’, as he calls it. I mean, the man’s so predictable that I’d probably fall asleep, if it wasn’t for the fact that his performances are good, most days!” says Selena. After three months of marriage and not being able to tell him that she’d like for them to be naughtier in bed without hurting his feelings, she decided to show him – with role-play.
Her sexual gambit misfired. Stephen was so stunned by her outfit that “he left the room!” says Selena. “It took me months – and quite a few therapy sessions with sexperts – to convince him that ‘nice people’ have naughty fun too!”
The couple, we are told, now role-plays with ease, as long as “sex the regular way” gets scheduled in too.