We are all for open and honest communication in a marriage, but there are certain things that have no place in a healthy conversation. Words can hurt, and what you say to your husband in the heat of a moment cannot be taken back, nor can the damage caused be fixed.
Here are four things you should not say to your husband:
Statements like “I wish I never married you”, or “I should have chosen a better husband” directly hurt your husband as they undermine the effort he has put in the marriage thus far.
Expressing your regrets of choosing this marriage does nothing good, even if your wish has been to improve or change things. Talk it out with an open mindset. It could just be a case of mismatched expectations.
Another approach could be to start working on the small, fixable issues first, before tackling the larger problems. Show that you are willing to work at your marriage.
Putting him down
There’s nothing more emasculating than belittling him. You should be his biggest support and cheerleader, and being dismissive of his career or hobbies that he takes pride in is one of the most harmful things you can do as his wife.
Saying things like, “You shouldn’t even be putting in so many hours in this lousy job” can be hugely discouraging and disrespectful. After all, he’s doing what he can do to work for the fam, so to speak.
Take time to understand what’s important to him, and why. Even if his pursuits are not your cup of tea, you shouldn’t ridicule what stirs up his passion, whether it is his job or personal interests.
A marriage without respect is a marriage not worth having.
Comparing your marriage to others
Complaints like, “My friend’s husband picks her up from work every day, why can’t you do that too?” might be all too familiar.
Every marriage has its problems and its good and bad sides, so comparing yours to one that seems perfect is being unfair to your husband. We are sure he does things for you that you may be taking for granted.
Instead of spending your time being jealous of other marriages, you can use the time to appreciate and improve yours.
Judging his family and friends
Family is always a touchy subject, even touchier if you’re having a difficult time getting along with your in-laws. Personal feelings aside, you should also understand the position your husband is in.
Telling him that you don’t want to go for his family gathering because you can’t stand his father? Well, it is just going to put him in a bad spot. As his wife, it is your duty to hold judgment on his family as they are your family now, too.
Instead of going on the defensive, try to get him to understand your feelings and work out a compromise.
Bringing up divorce
Throwing the divorce card into your fight or argument is no small matter. Not only does it destroy the sanctity of your marriage, it shows how lightly you take your lifelong vow to be.
Abusing it by using it as a threat reflects badly on you and destroys the foundation of your union. Unless you are serious about it, divorce is not a something you should use so that your husband will submit to you.