Ideas & Advice

How to keep the conversation flowing when you've been married for years

When you're living together and see each other day in day out, it can seem like your conversations have come to a standstill. Here's how you can reignite the spark and connect better with your spouse.
 

Your forever person is just that - forever. When you see the same person day in and day out for years, it can seem your communication's down in the doldrums. Well, the good news is, you don't have to be the best conversationalist in the world to break out of it. Plus, this is the person you're most comfortable with we're talking about! Here are some pointers to consider.

 

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 Go beyond "how was your day"

"Hi honey, how was your day?"

"It wasn't too bad, a little busy. How's yours?"

"Pretty okay too." 

Sounds familiar? 

Dig deeper. Start your conversations with the why and hows, and how they felt about certain happenings. Making small tweaks to your sentences can prompt your other half to open up too. For example, instead of "How was your day?", shoot for "Tell me about what happened...". 

 

Do new things together

If the both of you do the same things, eat the same meals, run the same errands and engage in the same repetitive activities each day, you can bet you'll run out of things to say. Find a new activity you can both enjoy: a new workout, hit up a new restaurant (not hard to do, really, with our island's endless food options), or even try each other's hobbies. There's also no conversation starter like exploring new places together. It doesn't even have to be an overseas trip - I've been in Singapore all my life and there are nooks and crannies I've never even been to! 

See also: 5 GOLDEN RULES FOR A STRONG, LONG-LASTING MARRIAGE

 

Spend time apart

Spending time together is crucial to a happy marriage but so is spending time apart, so you don't end up smothering each other. When you pursue your own interests or hang out with different friends from time to time, this also brings fresh topics and your different experiences to the table. (See: Living together? 5 important things couples often forget)

 

Keep it casual

It doesn't always have to be deep meaningful conversations that can draw a couple closer. You'll be surprised at how playful bantering, a discussion about the movie you just watched, or even a funny story from the radio can uncover something you never knew about your spouse before, and connect you in little but impactful ways.

See also: WATCH OUT FOR THESE 5 COMMUNICATION MISTAKES THAT CAN HURT YOUR RELATIONSHIP

 

Be present, and listen

Technology can be a friend or a foe when it comes to your relationship - don't let it be the latter. It happens to plenty of us - mindlessly scrolling through Facebook while having dinner with our significant others or in the car on the way to work. Unless you have an urgent task or message to respond to, put that phone away. Better if it's in your bag or in the another area so you won't feel tempted to reach for it. 

See also: 8 LONG-TERM SINGAPORE CELEB MARRIAGES THAT ARE STILL GOING STRONG