Making a lifetime commitment to someone, and planning for the costliest celebration of your life? Don’t be surprised or worried if you’re feeling the stress or having doubts about going through with this.
However, your jitters could also be a sign that this marriage might not be for you.
Now, before you enter into full panic mode, we’d like to also point out that this is rarely the case. There will be disputes and, there might even be emotional breakdowns leading up to your big day – all of which does not mean this marriage isn’t meant to be.
So what are the signs that your jitters mean something more than just wedding planning anxiety?
Everyone is more excited about your wedding than you are
If you’re finding it hard to muster up happiness and excitement about the wedding, you need to be honest with yourself and question why this is so.
Maybe you just aren’t a fan of weddings and the huge fuss made over them. That could be a reasonable enough reason.
But if this isn’t the case, then it is time to stop ignoring that sinking gut feeling of yours that you’ve been pushing aside all this while and deal with it proper.
Thinking about the wedding fills you with dread
There is a difference between dreading giving a speech at your wedding and dreading to be married. If your dread is over public speaking then that’s completely normal!
But if you feel more than slightly ill at the thought of spending the next 50 years or so with your fiancé, there might just be a problem.
Your friends’ reactions are a mixed bag
Most of us would think, “Well, as long as she/he’s happy” – even if we do not completely agree with our friend’s choice of a partner; especially when they are all set to be married.
When you start voicing your worries to your friends, see how they respond.
If they are immediately reassuring, telling you that you’ve made the right choice then all is more or less fine. But if their first reaction is more of along the lines of “I saw this coming”, then you may want to approach the issue of your jitters more seriously.
While your friends won’t want to be actively interfering with your decision, they might be encouraging you to talk about it more in order for you to delve deeper into those lingering issues.
So, what can you do?
Dr Lim from the Dr BL Lim Centre for Psychological Wellness in Gleneagles Hospital says:
“There are always issues arising as a result of the wedding and it is indeed something very stressful prepare for. The anxiety that you may be having can sometimes cause you to magnify even small issues.
It is never too late to discuss them in the open with your partner and to iron the kinks out. If there are issues that may potentially be irreconcilable, it may be best to postpone the wedding and to explore these issues first.
Try this: Project yourself five years later and imagine one scenario where you are with him and another where you are without him in your life.
Ask yourself which would give you regrets and you will have your answer.
Getting married is may be disconcerting as you are closing a chapter of your life but choosing to avoid commitment will lead to an even greater regret.”