Ideas & Advice

9 tips on dealing with sensitive questions about your wedding and marriage

Whether you're planning to get married, or are already engaged to be wed, here are ways to fend pesky questions off, graciously.
 

Chinese New Year's just right round the bend - and with it comes the time you'll be meeting a horde of not just your own relatives, but also your spouse/future spouse's. Make that twice the set of questions to answer! 

(And if you've recently gotten hitched, you might want to read: 5 ways to ace your first Chinese New Year as a Mrs)

Photo by Wu Jianxiong on Unsplash

How you plan your wedding and when you plan to have kids is really no one's business. But when you're faced with sensitive (at times, intrusive) questions, this is how you can deal with them.

 

Set your boundaries
Sometimes, the best way to answer is to give a direct (but polite!) response - most people could be just trying to make conversation and will back off once they know they've overstepped your boundaries. Try: "That’s a bit personal— is it okay if we chat about something else?” Remember, you're allowed to have your own boundaries, and setting them will help keep those same questions at bay at the next gathering. But of course, not all of us can muster enough courage to be frank, especially when the other party's your partner's rather... outspoken auntie. In that case, you can always try.. 
 

Giving vague answers
If you've just gotten engaged and the questions on your wedding date are starting to come in already, tell them you haven't discussed a date, give them a rough period (e.g. sometime next year or the year after). Then make an excuse to refill your plate of pen cai

 

Not answering at all
Responses such as :
- "That's a good question, let me get back to you", or  
- "That's interesting, I'll get back to you later", usually work.

 

Respond with a joke (or a really obvious lie)
People will either realise you don't want to answer that question, or they'll forget about it after laughing it off. Although, you should also hope that they don't ask you a second time and wait expectantly for a serious answer. For example: If someone asks how much your engagement ring cost, you can tell them it cost a million dollars, and hope they'll get the hint.

 

Reply with a personal question
If the question posed is a personal one (like when're you having babies), the best way to distract the person, is to ask another personal one, like "how are your kids doing, did you get promoted this year?", and so on.

 

Pass the baton to your partner
Whether he's around or not, this is a great way to leave that question unanswered. A simple "ask him lor" will suffice.

 

Commonly asked questions and how to respond:
Been on the receiving end of these questions too often? Here, ways to deal with them.
 

"When are you getting married?"
If you haven't settled on a date yet, let them know, or give them a rough period (if you know when you're getting hitched). They'll back off once they know you're not ready yet.

 

"When're you having babies?"
So you're not married yet, and the baby questions are already coming in! The quickest way would be to say, "when the time comes", and leave it at that. 

See also: "Baby or not?" 5 Common relationship issues to tackle before marriage

 

"What kind of wedding will you be having?"
If you've been behind on wedding-related tasks, or have been asked this one too many times, don't get irritated. Instead, say you haven't done your research yet, and want to enjoy your newly-engaged status first.

"Will I get an invite?"
This one may seem like an innocuous question, but when it's coming from someone you're not very close with, things can get awkward. Respond by saying you haven't done your guest list yet, you might want to keep things small, or say he or she will know when he/she receives the invite in the mail.

See also: HOW TO DEAL WITH CONFLICT BETWEEN FAMILIES WHILE PLANNING FOR YOUR WEDDING