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Fights are part and parcel of any relationship – after all, it’s about two people looking at the world through different viewpoints. What matters though, is how you’re fighting. Below, some tips to note.
#1 Don’t sweep it under the rug
#2 Fight fair
Focus on why and how you are arguing. Are you trying to connect and find a solution, or simply… fighting to win and prove you’re right?
Fighting fair also means no name-calling, eye-rolling (no matter how tempting!) or biting remarks, no dragging out past transgressions and definitely no physical violence – this basically shows your respect for your partner has gone out the window. Negativity and criticism will also more often than not get the other party on a defensive mode. Both partners should be mindful that such behaviour can be hard to take back and wears down the relationship over time. Stick to the facts and how it makes you feel when he/she does or say something.
#3 Mind your tone
Remember the last time you took someone seriously when they were yelling, raging or speaking in a harsh manner? Me neither.
Keeping your tone soothing and soft but firm when approaching a less-than-fun conversation will help your partner be more receptive to listening to what you have to say, and have a potentially more positive impact on the outcome of your discussion.
#4 Use positive prompts
Asking positive questions like “How can we solve this?” indicates the problem isn’t insurmountable, as well as shows your interest in resolving the issue, and not simply wanting things to go your way. Plus, it can also give both of you a fresh perspective of the situation.
#5 Cool off
Maintaining control of your emotions is crucial to any constructive argument. As soon as you start to feel the discussion spiraling out of control, ask for a time-out. With heightened emotions, it’s hard to think clearly. Physically removing yourself from the situation can help deescalate it and calm yourself down. But be sure to provide an explanation to your partner instead of simply storming off, and also when you want to resume the discussion.
#6 Don’t interrupt
When you cut your spouse off, the message you’re essentially conveying is that,”What I’m about to say is more important than what you’re saying.” You’re sending a cue that you’re more interested in dominating the conversation rather than allowing your mate to express his or her opinion.
If you find yourself interrupting your partner, cut your sentence short and apologise for being rude.