Image: 123rf/Andor Bujdoso
Has sex between you and your partner become boring or routine?
All is not lost — there are plenty of ways to keep sex exciting in a long-term relationship and here are five tips from Erin Chen, a sex therapist, relationship coach and founder of sexual wellness store Lila Sutra.
1. Learn to communicate and trust
“Sex is like a team sport, which is nearly impossible to ‘win’ without communication, practice and trust. One of the biggest myths about sex is that it doesn’t involve trial and error, but trial and error can actually be a fun part of sex.
There is no magical way to suddenly become good communicators at sex without practice. Don’t get discouraged by the discomfort and awkwardness – it was get easier. Trust that you are playing on the same team.”
2. Look after the other areas of your life
“It’s difficult to maintain desire and energy for sex if you constantly feel tired or if your health isn’t great. It’s also difficult if you’re not connected on other levels in your relationship. To keep the spark alive in the bedroom, help each other manage what happens outside of it.”
3. Be open to change
“You wont have your sex life figured out forever. Life will continually change and so will it. Some couples panic when what worked before stops working, so it’s important to be prepared to hi the ‘reset’ button together and explore new ways of having fun. In fact, this mindset alone will help keep things interesting for you.”
4. Don’t be afraid to try new things
“There are many ‘sexual bucket lists’ out there for you to try. If some activities don’t turn out the way you imagined, don’t despair – the trial and error is part of the fun. Remember that you’re in this together, and rekindling that fire is a life skill you will use over and over again.”
See also: 5 POINTS FOR GREAT HONEYMOON SEX
5. Refrain from having expectations
“Remember that sex can look very different at different stages in life. Sit down and talk to your partner about what ‘keeping the spark alive’ looks like for you at this particular juncture. The more specific you are, the better!
When I ask most couples about what they want, they tend to focus on what they don’t have, which makes it difficult to know when you have actually arrived at the place that you are working towards.”
This article was first published in Cleo Singapore.