So you don't like your new hair or manicure — this is what you can say

When Mary L, a 30-year-old civil servant, experienced her manicurist cutting her fingers too deeply during a nail appointment, she asked her to be more careful and kept a watchful eye on the situation. Rather than making a scene or lodging a complaint with the nail salon, she simply chose not to return to that establishment.

“When I'm not satisfied with a beauty service, I will just keep silent until the end and make a mental note not to return,” she reveals. “I try to avoid confrontation because I am worried that the situation might deteriorate [they might provide worse service] for the remaining duration.”

There are many examples of women who avoid uncomfortable conversations with their hairstylist or manicurist, choosing to pay for services they're not happy with rather than complain to the service provider. This scenario is so relatable that it even forms the backdrop to an audio on TikTok.

It's something that other women in Singapore have experienced. Melissa L, 31, says she gives feedback for things that can be rectified immediately, such as if the nail tech cuts into her skin. However, she hesitates to complain if she isn't satisfied with the overall experience.

“I'll just not return,” says the manager. “I'm not sure if I'm not fussed about a lot of things or if I'm just afraid to complain because some beauty service providers can be quite intimidating."

Occupation IT consultant, Sharon L, 27, says she gives feedback if she's not satisfied with a beauty service but doesn't return to the place. She complained at a nail spa once, to let them know “their polish didn’t last long and was not worth the money”.

Amira A, a 27-year-old occupation system analyst, adopts a similar approach. If it's a one-off service, she doesn't return to the establishment after a negative experience. However, if she has a package with the beauty establishment, she'll attend until the second-last session, aiming to avoid the inevitable hard-selling tactics that often occur during the last session.

What business owners say

Shawn Chia, director of Chez Vous: Private Space, reveals there are different reactions when customers are not happy with the treatment or service they have received. The most common is for them to state their dissatisfaction when probed after the visit.

“At Chez Vous, we understand that customers in Singapore tend to be uncomfortable with raising their concerns directly when asked face-to-face,” he shares. “Most people will say 'It’s all good' when asked 'Hi, is everything ok today?' or 'How’s your experience?'.

“Hence, after every salon visit for new customers, the bosses will send a WhatsApp message, asking for their feedback,” he adds. “Usually, they feel more comfortable communicating via messages with another party (i.e. the management) rather than the stylist who worked on their hair. When issues are raised, we will then follow up with the relevant recovery or fix.”

The second – albeit rare – reaction is for customers to raise the issue with the stylist or management immediately, whether about their hairstyle, colour or treatment. However, they don't seem to hesitate to comment on non-stylist or non-hair-related matters such as the customer service, salon lighting or punctuality, says Shawn.

“We feel that our guests might be more open to raise issues on non-human-related or company-related matters as opposed to human-related errors, like what the stylist has done wrong.

“But, once we started to include this good practice of getting the management to ask for feedback via WhatsApp message, most customers rarely keep quiet about their dissatisfaction (if any) or praises. Thankfully we receive positive feedback most of the time,” he explains.

He notes that there are also customers who take to writing reviews online to raise their dissatisfaction, and hence it's important to let customers know that there is a channel open for discussion. This way, feedback, good or bad, can be shared and trust and relationships can be built.

“More importantly, this will let customers know that when it comes to complaints, we will do our best to fix it or recover the relationship. One thing to take note is that this communication channel cannot be one that is used for 'defensive' or pushing-the-blame-to-customers purposes,” he says.

He thinks that there are five possible reasons why customers are afraid of speaking up when they aren't happy with a beauty service:

• Afraid to "spoil" the relationship with the staff and brand as they still want to visit the beauty establishment.
• Afraid of confrontation because it is true that many beauty establishments tend to be extremely defensive when it comes to the handling of complaints.
• Ignoring the matter is less troublesome than raising the issue, especially when the feedback channel is complicated.
• Fear of being perceived as difficult.
• The issue is really too small or insignificant to be raised.

The importance of effective communication

Manicurist Rebecca Chuang @theflutterytips reveals that customers usually express any dissatisfaction during the nail session. She also checks with them once the session is over – she asks how their nails are doing and if they have any concerns, they are able to come back for a touch up within a certain time frame.

“Checking in with them (a few times is great!) during the session helps to let us know if we are on the right track to create their dream design,” she says.

She also believes that communication is key. She advises to enquire with your nail artist – before placing any deposit – about their rates and send them references to ask for quotes. This helps you to know if this nail artist is able to do the design you want and if it’s within your budget range.

Then, during the session, if you have any concerns, do let your nail artist know in a nice way so that she is able to rectify it on the spot.

“I can't speak for all clients as to why they are afraid to speak up,” she says. “Some clients are shy with unfamiliar faces beside them and/or they are brought into the salon by their friends so they're mentally unprepared for what to expect.

“No matter what it is, I do feel that communication is still key to everything,” she adds. “Asking your nail artist nicely to make slight changes doesn’t cause harm and it also makes you happy with the end result.”

Shawn agrees that communication is important and that a thorough and open consultation is essential. He advises customers to prepare a wish list with a number of options, instead of just one.

This is because, when it comes to hair services, not all hairstyle outcomes can be achieved because of numerous factors such as hair texture (compared with model photos), styling and maintenance routine, and previous services done, such as DIY box-dyed hair causing excessive deposits of dark pigments.

Customers also need to be open to suggestions when certain outcomes are not in line with their wish list.

“Lastly – and most importantly – if customers are not comfortable with the counter-suggestions, or the disclaimers and other factors that are tagged along with the counter-suggestions or even to their wish list, do not proceed with the service,” Shawn says. “Just say, 'sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable and I will need time to think about it. Can I make an appointment on another day when I am ready?'.

“Not proceeding with the service upfront when in doubt will save so much trouble later. From a service-staff perspective, it is also better for them as starting on a service when a customer has doubts or is apprehensive about it tends to cause more complications later,” he adds.

Cultural norms and social conditioning

Grace Loh, psychotherapist, counsellor and coach at Counselling Perspective, tells us that, from a psychological standpoint, the reluctance to complain about unsatisfactory service can stem from a variety of factors.

Social conditioning often emphasises politeness and harmony in social interactions, discouraging individuals from engaging in confrontational behaviour. Fear of conflict and its potential consequences – such as being perceived as difficult or aggressive – can also deter individuals from voicing their grievances.

Additionally, perceived power imbalances, cultural norms and personal characteristics like agreeableness and introversion play significant roles in shaping individuals' comfort levels with asserting themselves.

“Furthermore, anticipated negative reactions from service providers, lack of confidence in communication abilities and past negative experiences with complaining can contribute to the hesitancy to voice dissatisfaction.

“Emotions such as embarrassment, guilt or anxiety may further inhibit individuals from expressing their concerns openly. Recognising and addressing these psychological barriers is essential for promoting effective complaint resolution and fostering healthier communication and problem-solving in customer service interactions,” she says.

Astrie Sunindar-Ratner, founder of A - The Etiquette Consultancy, says that speaking up to express our dissatisfaction can put us in a very uncomfortable situation – and no one likes that. She also feels that, as Asians, culturally we are non-confrontational. However, she believes that, through practice, we can learn to be more comfortable speaking up.

“It’s important to remember that we can’t control the outcome. I’m a firm believer that it’s all about how we say it – there is always a polite way to complain,” she says. “There is a negative connotation with the word 'complain' so we feel bad about doing it and therefore we often start with 'I’m sorry'. But you don’t need to be apologetic, the key is to express your complaint politely.

“For example, 'I would like to let you know' or 'I would like to share my experience that unfortunately the service was…' – and always end with thank you!” she adds.

Keep calm and share your feedback

Astrie recommends always using the “magic words”, like please, thank you or excuse me. “That’s why I can’t express enough the importance of teaching children manners because it starts from young and from home. It’s about learning the art of communicating politely, respectfully and confidently from the initial interaction,” she shares.

She advocates giving feedback at the end of the service, but if you feel the service is terrible and you can’t sit through it then, of course, you should speak up during the session. The tone you use is key – don’t be condescending, belittling or, worse, use swear words. Just be firm and confident.

Astrie doesn't think walking out of a salon if you're not happy with the service is the right approach. However, she acknowledges that there are times when it is better to walk away gracefully rather than get in a heated argument. But do note that, if you have received the full service, you may have to pay for it unless it is very clearly not what you signed up for.

“If we are simply not satisfied, we can hope they will forego the charge or offer us a coupon or discount. But if they don’t, we should rest easy in the knowledge that we will not being giving them our business again and will share the negative experience with our friends,” she says.

She has the following advice when dealing with specific scenarios:

1. When we’re being coerced into buying a beauty package we don’t want:
   Politely say something like – “Thank you for sharing but I will not be getting the package today”.
2. When we don’t like the end result after receiving a treatment
   “I would like to share that, unfortunately, the treatment was not what I expected.” Share your expectation and point out what you were not happy with but keep it short, with a firm tone, without being rude.
3. When the treatment has been satisfactory but the service was very bad
   “I absolutely love the beauty service [for example, your haircut or facial]. But I would like to share my feedback on the customer service.”

“The key is to stay calm, although this is easier said than done. I still find it hard sometimes, especially when the person I’m speaking to is not being polite. However, I always try to remind myself that, ultimately, it’s about sharing your point of view and we can’t control the outcome.

“In an ideal world, an apology, followed by offering a complimentary service or discount, is the right thing to do,” says Astrie.