From The Straits Times    |

Some companies offer financial incentives so employees won’t leave – for instance, stock options that you can gain control of several years down the road, or a huge payout if you stay with the company for a fixed number of years. These “golden handcuffs” make you think twice about leaving, even if you’re unhappy with your job.

“Golden handcuffs are the financial security, comfort and safety of high-paying, cushy jobs that are unfulfilling or make us downright miserable. They keep us bound to our desks and offices because we become dependent on them, or scared to leave, or addicted to the various aspects of a fast-paced, high-stress career,” says Sara DiVello, author of Where in the OM Am I? One Woman’s Journey From the Corporate World to the Yoga Mat.

With mortgages, household expenses and family holidays to pay for, the idea of leaving may seem impossible at first – but many people have broken free of their golden handcuffs and landed in a far better place. The key to success is to do some soul-searching, combined with practical financial homework.

1 FIND OUT WHAT IS REALLY MAKING YOU UNHAPPY – YOUR JOB OR YOUR CAREER
Sometimes, your dissatisfaction stems from a toxic boss or a poor work environment, and your problem can be resolved by switching firms, says Dr Richard Orbe-Austin, executive coach psychologist from Dynamic Transitions Psychological Consulting. “Network with people in similar positions at different firms,” he says. “Talk with a career coach. Is it a bad fit for me to be in corporate finance or corporate law or is it that I need to go to a smaller firm?” If you find out that what you’re experiencing is the nature of the industry, you’ll need to make a bigger shift.

2 BOLSTER YOUR SAVINGS
Even if you figure out your next career path before you quit, you may still experience an employment gap. If you’re in such a high-pressure job that you don’t have brain space or time to figure out what you want to do next, then you’ll have to live on your savings. Either way, begin to see how you can cut back on your expenses, or make extra money.

“Since the average job search takes about four to six months, you should craft a plan of action, which entails saving and living on that for at least six months,” says Dr Orbe-Austin. Note that he says “at least six months”. If you think you’ll need to take time to figure out your next career move, amass more savings, or downsize your lifestyle. Having enough savings will help ensure that you don’t chicken out. “If we’re worried about not having enough money, it will be hard to do this transition,” says Heather Hans, psychotherapist and author of The Heart of Self Love: How to Radiate With Confidence.

3 FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO NEXT
If your current job is all-consuming, you may not be able to accomplish this before you leave. You may instead have to do Step 4 (quit) first and figure out what you really want to do later.

Regardless of the order in which you take these steps, try out these suggestions to discover your new path.

  • Think about what you like to do or what you excel at. Heather says to think of “what makes you unique, what makes you happy, what you get lost in to the point where it doesn’t feel like work”.
  • Sara suggests writing down what you wanted to be when you grew up, at the youngest age you can remember – “the one before reason, logic and judgment set in”. Also note what careers interested you in secondary school, university and even after that. 
  • “Take up any kind of mindful practice, whether it’s running, karate, painting or whatever. Something that keeps you in the zone,” says Sara. “With that silence and stillness, answers will start to emerge. It’s hard to have those answers emerge when you’re working really fast and hard.”
  • “Explore the most salient values for you at this time of your life (for example, giving to others versus prestige or high earnings), and envision how you might ensure they are present in your life,” Dr Orbe-Austin says. “Sometimes, values are more important to career/life satisfaction than interests.”
  • Take some career personality tests such as the Strong Interest Inventory, the Strengths Finder, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or the Enneagram, or see a career coach, says Heather.
  • “Ask the five people who know you best and whom you trust the most what they would have you do if they were in charge of your life. You might be surprised at what they say, but remember that they see you without any of the self-doubts or judgments that you see yourself through,” says Sara.

4 WORK UP THE COURAGE TO QUIT
The reason why so many people become ensnared in golden handcuffs is that we all need a place to sleep and food to eat, and those things cost money. And there’s no question that it’s nice to have nice things. So, inertia can take hold. If you feel deep down that you want out but you’re wavering, Sara says to ask yourself: “Who am I at my most essential self? What do I want to do with this one glorious, adventurous life? What am I passionate about? What do I really, really want in life? How can I better serve the world?”

What helped Sara was getting some perspective. After spending 13 years chasing the next promotion and the bigger office, she was passed up for a promotion. She realised the company didn’t care how many Friday nights she had sacrificed to work, or the fact that for five years, she had worked instead of going home for the holidays. When deciding whether to leave, Sara even recommends pondering death. The early death of her mother from cancer at age 49 prompted her own soul-searching. She says that she asked herself, “If I died tomorrow, would I feel good about the life I’ve lived? Would I feel that I had lived broadly and bravely and fully? The answer was no.”

5 FIND SUPPORT
Gather your cheerleaders, whether they be your family, close friends, a career coach or therapist, or like-minded people, says Dr Orbe-Austin. “Also, find people who have made such a shift and find out the challenges and joys in the process.”

6 SET SMALL GOALS
“You’re considering a massive life shift and life change, and the wholesale outcome can be overwhelming, but if you take bite-size pieces, it becomes more realistic and achievable,” says Dr Orbe-Austin. Some of your goals may be financial – maybe it’s to have six months’ worth of living expenses saved in the next six months. Or maybe, it’s to find three new contacts and have six informational interviews within the next six weeks.

7 HAVE FAITH
That’s what Sam Polk, a former Wall Street trader, tells those who are scared of leaving their jobs. “You cannot see what will happen if you leave but that doesn’t mean nothing’s there. It just means you cannot see it. It’s a test between trust and fear, between faith and fear. Are you willing to trust that you have the skills, whatever your spiritual beliefs are, that the universe will provide for you or that you have enough skill or character or integrity to take care of yourself and hold out long enough to see what’s behind that corner?

“I’ve done a lot of volunteer work, and I started Groceryships (a non-profit aimed at helping feed poor families) and I wrote a book. I couldn’t have seen this four years ago. If I’d let myself be weighed down by my fear, then something like this would have never happened, so thank God I left.”