Would you be with a man who earns less than you? Here’s what Singaporean women really think

As more women climb the career ladder, the conventional idea that men must earn more is getting a serious rethink. Are women okay with being the bigger breadwinner?

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Sick of being told what’s “normal” or “acceptable” when it comes to your womanhood? Wondering why ambition, sex, relationships — basically your entire life — still come with unspoken rules? Her Terms Only is Her World’s no-filter column that dives straight into the minds (and mouths) of women — and occasionally men — across generations to share unfiltered takes on the topics we’re often told not to talk about. From unpacking internalised sexism to confronting cultural taboos, this crowd-sourced series doesn’t tiptoe around the truth. It calls it out, flips the script, and challenges patriarchal norms and outdated gender roles in a uniquely Singaporean fashion. Because when the world tries to box her in, she makes it clear — she’s living on Her Terms Only.

It’s 2025, and women are no longer just participating in the workforce, but are thriving in it. Across the board, the women we spoke to agreed that while money alone isn’t a relationship dealbreaker, it’s wrapped up with a whole bunch of other factors, such as financial security, perpetuation of gender roles, and even long-term goals such as raising a family.

Mind over matter

“It’s like investing.”
25-year-old, Zi Xuan

For Zi Xuan, it’s not about how fat her partner’s wallet is, but the drive he has. If he’s a guy with ambition and goals, she’s all in. 23-year-old Mithra echoed that mindset, saying,What matters is effort. Even if you’re not earning much, there is no need to do anything lavish, but the initiative and effort to make do with what you have is what matters to her.”

56-year-old Bhavani reinstates the importance of a driven and financially responsible man, regardless of his wealth.

“I can’t speak for all women, but personally, I have no issue with my partner earning less than me, as long as he handles his finances responsibly and aligns with our shared goals.”
56-year-old, Bhavani

Malathi, 40, resonates with having shared goals and collectively working towards them in the relationship.

“I think most women would prefer being with a partner who shares the same values and priorities instead.”
40-year-old, Malathi

Must men provide?

Some women, like Karina, 22, are determined to move past existing gender roles.

“Being a breadwinner shouldn’t be a gendered issue in this day and age.”
22-year-old, Karina

But let’s be real. These stereotypes continue to prevail. Iman, 21, pointed out that some men still tie their ego to earnings. Her take? “If his ego isn’t determined by how much his partner earns, then there’s no issue at all.”

24-year-old Alyssa also reflected upon her experiences with exes who have spoken to her poorly, given their projected insecurities about earning less in the relationship.

“With men who earn less or are less educated than their partner, I notice a sense of insecurity often during fights, [with them] saying things like ‘Oh you’re educated that’s why you’re so cocky…’ So now I just date people who earn more or have an education level that is similar to mine to avoid such comments.”
24-year-old, Alyssa

Traditional gender roles have long painted men as the default providers, and for many, that pressure still runs deep. When they fall short of that expectation, feelings of inadequacy, or the infamous “not man enough” complex, can creep in, often showing up as ego-driven behaviour.

But as Alyssa said, being the bigger earner doesn’t automatically make a man more emotionally giving. In her experience, the wealthier guys weren’t always the most generous, at least not where it really counts. For her, being “rich in love” (think time, attention, effort) matters way more than flashy dollar bills.

On the flip side, social media has popularised the idea of “princess treatment” — a TikTok-fuelled trend where women expect to be spoiled and financially supported by their partners. While it may look dreamy online, it’s also reviving age-old ideas that men must be the sole breadwinners. And let’s be real, not every woman is on board with that narrative anymore.

School, NS, and everything in between: The career gap dilemma

In Singapore, serving National Service (NS) also means that men typically enter the workforce two years later than women. That time gap can create early-career imbalances and tension.

Mithra, however, believes that the gender pay gap still exists, with Singaporean working women earning 14.3% less than men in 2023.

“Even when [men] start late, they still end up earning more than women in so many cases simply because they are men. They just lose out on two years of salary, and that’s about it. When you look at the bigger picture, the patriarchy still wins...”
23-year-old, Mithra

Alternatively, Karishma, 22, was candid about the income gap between her and her boyfriend, who’s still completing his degree. “It’s a natural consequence that I’ll probably earn more,” she shared. She also pointed out that their career paths play a part, too, with her in the corporate world and him in early childhood education, it’s only natural that their paychecks look a little different.

Are we thinking long-term?

As soon as marriage and children enter the chat, financial stability becomes a bigger conversation. Leona, 24, used to think earnings didn’t matter — until she didn’t. Her ex’s insecurities and lack of stability made her rethink. She acknowledged that she wanted someone who could build a future with her, and who isn’t just in it for the vibes.

“While my brother’s wife (an assistant preschool teacher) earned more at one point, it still was not enough to provide for their whole family… [they] can’t provide a proper foundation for their kids,” empathised Leona as her sister-in-law had to not only support the family financially but also nurture the kids as the primary caregiver.

For many women, considerations like children, housing, and long-term goals naturally raise the standards when it comes to choosing a financially stable partner. While we have moved far beyond our hunter-gatherer roots, the role of women has evolved to include both primary caregiving and contributing equally to household expenses. Despite this, the weight of responsibilities such as household chores still disproportionately falls on women, while most men have traditionally been expected to only “bring home the rice bowl”.

It’s not about pursuing wealth, but about finding someone willing to build a future together. Adding to this is the constant societal pressure on women to start families, often sooner rather than later. With the biological clock ticking, the need to settle down with someone financially dependable becomes even more pressing. When the expectation is to not only raise a family but also maintain a career and protect one’s mental health, choosing a partner who can offer shared stability is no longer a luxury, but a necessity.

“Some people, out of fear of singleness, are willing to date someone ‘lesser’ than themselves.”
21-year-old, Michelle

The pressure to find someone, especially with the looming biological clock, can sometimes cloud judgment or make financial compromises feel more acceptable than they really are. However, the question of what settling for “less” means to each individual then surfaces. Does settling for a man who earns less than you equate to settling for less? This might not be the case for all women.

“I’d rather be the giver than feel like I owe someone something.”

23-year-old Indri, brought a refreshing take to the conversation. “I’m egoistic HAHAHA… I don’t like feeling like I owe people something,” she joked. For her, being the giver in a relationship gives her a sense of financial freedom and autonomy. When she earns more, there’s no pressure to match anyone else’s expectations — just her own.

So, earn more or less?

“What matters most to me is being with a loving, understanding partner who’s on the same page about our future, not his paycheck.”
56-year-old, Bhavani

Whether a man earns more, less, or the same, many women noted that what truly matters is mutual respect, shared effort, and aligned values. Laura, 44, believes that money can never buy true contentment.

“To me, being in a relationship where one is treated with respect is so much more important than how much he earns. Together, we can build our wealth, but with only one person investing true love, a long-lasting relationship can never happen.”
44-year-old, Laura

For some, money is a marker of stability. For others, it’s just a tool for growth, not the foundation of a fulfilling relationship. Emotional maturity, ambition, and generosity? These, to me, are what seem to be the most fulfilling.

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