The Singleporean: What does it mean to be independent in your 30s?

The Singleporean is an anonymous column by a 30something, female Singaporean writer who’s obviously single (and cautiously ready to mingle). She pens her thoughts on work, relationships and adulting from the lens of a millennial on the cusp of a mid-life crisis.

It doesn’t matter if you’re Gen Z or a millennial – friendships are put to the test when one ventures into uncharted territory, whether as unwilling recipients of an impromptu trauma dump, or a makeshift laundromat for rinsing off the aftermath of an unbridled night of passion.

So when a friend graciously let me do laundry at her place, I found myself sheepishly explaining to her live-in boyfriend why I’d travelled halfway across Singapore to wash my sexy delicates at their apartment: “I don’t think my parents would take kindly to the idea of their non-virginal daughter airing her barely there laundry in the kitchen.”

At that moment, I wondered if true independence simply meant having my own place to wash said laundry, garter belts and all.

Adulting as a checklist

The “successful” millennial Singaporean woman reads like a Pinterest vision board: She’s a mid-level manager, likely married to a Finance Bro with a crypto hobby, has a healthy nest egg, and is in the midst of moving into her long-awaited BTO in a prime district.

The irony of this ideal millennial lifestyle lies in the shackles of material expectations we find ourselves in. It’s the relentless pursuit of work-life balance while politicking our way to a promotion, all with our version of success tethered to a 30-year mortgage and a stack of bank loans.

At 37, I’ve stepped back from a stressful managerial role, am happily benching (Commitment? What’s that?), and still glaze over at the thought of expanding my investments beyond a basic savings policy. And honestly? I’ve never been more thankful for the privilege of a relatively carefree life.

My life, my rules

How does one decide what independence really means? For me, it’s about rewriting the Singaporean ideal into a version that feels authentic, and one that reflects who I am, not who I’m expected to be.

Sure, I’d still love to have my own apartment where I can air my sexy lingerie, free from the cross-examination of my parents. But marriage and a personal office? Let’s just say that to live fully without being bound to societal ideals, I’ve had to let go of the adulting checklist, and embrace the uncertainty of where life takes me.

Right now, I’m looking forward to my own BTO in three years. It’s a space that is entirely mine, and a step closer to a life defined on my own terms.

Have a topic you’d like us to explore? Email your suggestions to magherworld@sph.com.sg with ‘The Singleporean’ in the header.