The Singleporean: Are Singaporean men boring?

The Singleporean is an anonymous column by a 30something, female Singaporean writer who’s obviously single (and cautiously ready to mingle). She pens her thoughts on work, relationships and adulting from the lens of a millennial on the cusp of a mid-life crisis.

While others were taking stock of their 2025, I found myself looking back at the men I’d dated over the past two years – and coming to the realisation that not a single one of them was local. Nothing like a New Year revelation to suggest I might be a true-blue Sarong Party Girl after all.

In hindsight, I may have been guilty of being a little too quick – and derisive – in dismissing local men. The dating apps, however, have not helped their cause. Posing over brunch at a cafe? Next. A bed selfie featuring a lone bare arm that’s clearly clocked countless bicep curls? Ugh. An overly earnest manifesto about “finding the one” and “don’t swipe right if you’re not serious”? Bleah. I’m not alone in bemoaning the millennial dating drought of eligible Singaporean men.

A friend (and a heterosexual male at that) was surprisingly critical of his own species. “Singaporean men have only three interests: the gym, the army and work,” he said. “And if they’re under 30, you can add crypto to the mix.”

True or not, it’s hard to deny that the Singaporean man has become a much-maligned category. They have been mocked for their lack of style, criticised for being unromantic and, more recently, turned into the subject of a viral meme depicting men from various regions of China – one that claims Singaporean Chinese men are the least attractive in the gene pool, based on their ancestry from the south-eastern regions of China.

From “I love you” to “BTO”

Perhaps the reason local men are seen as boring isn’t due to their supposed lack of style, looks or individuality. After all, Singaporean women have been said to favour career-focused men.

Perhaps it comes down to three words we’ve been taught to prioritise: not “I love you”, but “BTO”. In space-starved Singapore, where purchasing a home can feel like applying for permission to begin adulthood, romance is often deferred in favour of logistics.

There is little room to stray beyond the parameters of the familiar Singaporean dream: Secure a BTO, cash in on the baby bonus, plan for early retirement and, if luck permits, strike Toto. Wander too far – or for too long – from the template, and the consequences can feel punitive, whether that means being confined to a two-room flat, or servicing a $400,000 mortgage on a threeroom resale as a single person.

Yet, amid dating fatigue, situationships and chronically unclear communication, clarity about one’s relationship goals may be a new form of romance – one that, hopefully, can sustain itself beyond the five-year Minimum Occupation Period for HDB flats.

Choosing curiosity over comfort

Whether nature or nurture makes dating some Singaporeans “boring” (yes, women included) is a question better suited to Reddit forums. It’s a broad generalisation – and one I can only share through my own experience. Maybe my aversion towards local men stems from the fear of falling into a template.

Nothing strikes more fear in me than the words “Baby Bonus”. With foreign men, the cultural difference felt curiously liberating – not because they were more romantic, but because the relationship was less immediately funnelled towards state-sanctioned markers of adulthood.

I found learning from their perspectives invigorating. Coming from socio-economic backgrounds where job opportunities were scarce, and growing up in cultures that emphasised individuality and independence, they were less tethered to a single country, and more open to alternative ways of living and loving.

It’s this curiosity about the unknown that draws me, and an approach that I hope I’ll remember way into my 40s. And perhaps, once I’m done sampling the international buffet, I’ll be ready to return home.

Have a topic you’d like us to explore? Email your suggestions to magherworld@sph.com.sg with ‘The Singleporean’ in the header.