What is the reality of clubbing for women? Singaporean women share their horrifying encounters

From dancing with your besties to screaming lyrics to early 2000s bangers, and downing overpriced tequila shots after a long work week, clubbing really does bring good music and good vibes all in one room. 

Sadly, good music and good vibes aren’t the only things that women have had to experience at the club. In fact, for many women, a girls’ night out heavily involves dodging creeps, pushing away unwanted advances, and dealing with men who simply just refuse to take ‘no’ for an answer.

From persistent stalkers to hands that roam where they shouldn’t, women have seen it all. And the worst part? This behaviour is so common that it seems to have become a normalised part of the clubbing experience for most women.

We spoke to Singaporean women about their clubbing horror stories — some weird, some awkward, and some downright terrifying. Here’s what they had to say.

1. The guy who thought he was in a rom-com

Zi Xuan and her friend encountered a group of National Service (NS) guys who thought texting was the best way to shoot their shots.

Creativity? F. Execution? Also, F. No, really though, who communicates through the Notes app nowadays?

2. The guy who did not buy the “I have a boyfriend” card

For Clarissa, a casual night out turned into a nightmare when a man refused to accept rejection.

Gone within a flash, Clarissa, who was only 18 years old then, decided not to file a report against the guy with the police. When “fake” boyfriends can’t save you, you know there’s a problem… and no, you’re not the problem. The problem lies with these obnoxious, ignorant men.

3. The guy who just wouldn’t leave

Some men take persistence to a whole new level. Irene shared how a random guy refused to take the hint when she told him she wasn’t interested.

Women looking out for women: 10/10. Men understanding social cues: 0/10. In all seriousness, we love women being there for other women. In an environment where it can be very intimidating and sometimes confrontational, it definitely feels comforting to know that you have your girls to back you up if things ever get heated, let alone dangerous.

4. The guy who thought alcohol was compensation

Devika had an encounter with a man who thought a smack on the ass could be excused with a drink.

When Devika confronted the guy, he played the victim. However, it didn’t stop there. When her male friends told the guy off, he persisted. She unwillingly decided to ignore what had happened to her.

Newsflash: That doesn’t erase what you just did. Appalling…

5. The guy who refused to take the hint

Aubrey and her friends found themselves being followed by a stranger.

Their escape plan? Strategic grouping.

And if this isn’t enough to show the extent to which women have to go to feel safe for a regular night out.

6. The guy who picked a girl up... without permission

Whitney had a terrifying encounter when a stranger literally lifted her off the ground.

She recalls freezing in shock, unable to react in the way she always thought she would.

And that’s where the problem lies.

7. The guy who was literally the bouncer...

Tricia was dumbfounded when she realised the male bouncer was queuing for the female washroom.

Seeing the male bouncer using the female washroom — for reasons unknown — is one thing, but reporting it to management and then being told it’s normal is a whole different ball game. We’re just as confused and alarmed.

“It’s just part of clubbing culture…”

For many women, these experiences are more than just one-off horror stories — they are the norm.

If a guy gets too handsy or refuses to leave, it’s often brushed off as “it’s just how it is” at the club. And if alcohol is involved? It’s suddenly a valid excuse. “Sorry, I was drunk”, “I didn’t mean it”, or “It was just a joke”. If these don’t ring a bell…

Men use intoxication as a green pass, while women are left feeling violated, uncomfortable, and sometimes even guilty for not reacting differently. Fear consumes us and we are left feeling helpless. But rest assured, you are not to be blamed, and the way you reacted in that very moment ought to be validated.

Why can’t the club be fun… and safe? It really isn’t a lot to ask for.

Ultimately, a night out should be about enjoyment, not fear. The Safe Clubbing Campaign underscores the need for nightlife venues to prioritize safety alongside fun, equipping staff with the training to handle intoxicated patrons responsibly. With molestation cases at nightspots on the rise — 106 reported between January and September 2023, a 37% increase from the same period in 2022 — creating a safer clubbing culture is more urgent than ever. 

Because really, is it too much to ask for a night of fun that doesn’t come at the cost of our safety as women?