Is our obsession with wellness killing our buzz?

There is a very particular pressure that comes with being a woman in her 40s. Many of us are balancing full careers while also being mothers, wives, daughters, partners, and friends — often all at once. We carry responsibility at work, perform emotional labour at home, and are expected to hold everything together.

And now, layered on top of that, is the pressure we place on ourselves in the name of wellness.

We check into expensive longevity clinics instead of going on a wild girls’ trip. We work out with personal trainers, count calories, increase protein and fibre, track sleep, optimise energy, and try to do everything “right.” Much of this comes from a good place — wanting to be healthy, strong, present, and around for the long run. But sometimes I wonder when wellness quietly became another exhausting standard for women to live up to.

Beyond a single day of celebration, I think the real work is inviting women back to a version of themselves that feels lighter and more carefree. Back to being the woman who laughed more, said yes more, and lived with joy and flexibility. That, to me, feels like a far more meaningful celebration than pursuing a version of wellness that is so rigid it’s slowly... killing our buzz.

Too healthy to have fun?

I think back to my younger self — dancing on tables, enjoying the drinks, and definitely not overthinking what time my fitness tracker is going to guilt-trip me into going to bed. I think about just saying yes more without contemplating, calculating, or obsessing over my health.

I remember feeling freer, lighter, happier. I remember having a body that could bounce back the next day after a few hours of sleep and maybe one drink too many. I’ve always been healthy. I’ve always exercised and played sports. But I’ve also always enjoyed life, being with friends, exploring new restaurants, and not calorie-counting or being a bore.

Yet recently, among friends, and if I’m being honest, in myself too, I’m noticing something change. I hear more no’s than yes’s. Drinks are turned down, dinners are questioned and bedtimes are fixed. And slowly, quietly, it feels like we’re losing our buzz.

So I find myself asking: Is our obsession with wellness killing it?

Are we addicted to optimising our lives?

I say this as someone who genuinely advocates for a healthy lifestyle. I’ve been a life coach for over 17 years, and I started a mental health movement called Getting to Happy™. I believe in wellness deeply. I live it. I track my sleep, count my steps, and consciously increase my protein intake. I’m just as “guilty” as anyone else.

And maybe in my mid-40s, making smarter, healthier decisions is exactly where I should be. But if I’m being honest something is also missing.

When I look around at my friends — and when I look inward — I can’t help but feel that our energy, our carefreeness, our joie de vivre is starting to lose its sparkle. If I’m honest, my wellness sparkle might be shining a little brighter than my fun, carefree self.

I think the real challenge now is balance — and not the rigid, performative kind. Balance that allows us to be healthy and flexible. Responsible and spontaneous. Grounded and a little wild.

I’ve seen clients, and even people in my own circle, who are incredibly disciplined. Their health is excellent. Wellness is a priority. Everything looks “right” on paper. But when we consistently say no to social plans, no to staying out a little later, no because our tracker tells us it’s time to sleep — what are we really saying no to?

I’ve watched lives become restrictive, rigid, and inflexible in the name of wellness. Yes, the benefits are clear: a healthy body, a stable mind, a sustainable lifestyle. But in a world where so much is already beyond our control, are we also losing something important along the way?

Bring back the yes version of you

This article comes from a deeply personal place. I realised recently that I’ve been saying no more than yes. And I’ve noticed the same pattern around me — among friends who are making “great” choices for themselves, yet somehow feel less alive. I feel frustrated because I want to live carefree and wild sometimes too without an arduous week long handover. I want to break free a little. I want to push boundaries because that’s also what makes us feel happy and good.

A life that is overly restrictive makes us rigid. It makes flexibility harder. It makes that extra drink or late night feel like a failure rather than a choice.

When we don’t build flexibility into our lives, we only feel good if we’re journaling, practising gratitude, exercising, eating clean, sleeping early, meditating, savouring every bite, tracking calories, and staying accountable to a whole ecosystem of professionals keeping us “in line.” Honestly, that sounds exhausting. And it feels tiring just thinking about it.

I see clients trying to hold themselves together like delicate eggs, terrified of cracking. And yes, day to day, they’re functioning. They’re doing all the right things. They’re living very healthy lives. But over time, the pressure to constantly optimise and chase this North Star of wellness starts to drain them. It creates more fatigue, more stress, and, ironically more anxiety.

Recently, I said to a client, “We’re going to do the opposite. We’re going to crack it all open. We’re going to live a little and notice that nothing bad happens.”

She looked at me like I’d just given her a free pass.

And maybe that’s the reminder we all need. That we’re stronger than we think. That we can survive a little less sleep. That we’ll be okay if we don’t hit our protein goal for one day. That life is beautiful, full of moments and experiences we might be missing because our version of wellness has become suffocating rather than supportive.

If you feel like you’re doing everything right, holding it all together with discipline and pressure - but quietly noticing that you’re missing out, this is my message to you:

Because true well-being should expand your life, not shrink it.

Shireena Shroff Manchharam is a Her World Tribe member, the founder and principal consultant of Sheens Consulting, and the founder and creator of Getting To Happy, a mental health movement to inspire our community and society to live happier, more mindful lives.