How moving out helped improve my mental health

Independent living may be a foreign concept to some in Singapore, due to the high-cost of living as well as traditional societal norms. Perhaps that's why there is often an unspoken rule where many tend to be live with their parents, at least until they are in their mid-30s, and are eligible to purchase a house alone, or until they get married.

I was fortunate to have lived independently for a couple of years during my undergraduate years and was determined to continue having such a lifestyle that I had grown to appreciate. Personally, I am someone who’s rather particular about my living space being kept extremely neat and clean, and I understand that not everyone shares the same organised lifestyle – and that’s fine! Though needless to say, I preferred having my own personal space to avoid unnecessary disputes with my family.

In 2022, after I graduated from Nanyang Technological University, I searched high and low for a suitable temporary accommodation and decided to move into a co-living space. While there were many considerations I had in mind prior to moving in, that was one of the greatest decisions I've made, looking back now.

Where do I even begin?

For someone in their 20s, it might feel overwhelming to even think about moving out of your family home and not know where to start.

I do admit that renting out on my own was not the most financially popular amongst my peers as a fresh graduate – nor was it the most financially viable too. As with most individuals in their mid-twenties, they would often prioritise having a vibrant social life, being able to travel, and other activities over living on their own; especially since they literally have the option of free accommodation.

However, I was bent on living in my own space after having experienced living on my own on campus. It was a natural move to me given how I have become used to and appreciate independence. I’m also generally quite free-spirited and do not like to be fettered by traditional expectations and norms.

In any case, I was already working part-time as a student, so that was also helpful in making me feel more financially secure to manage costs without having to tap much into my savings.

After making the decision to move out, I began my hunt for a suitable place to call home. I scoured through the web and stumbled upon Coliwoo Boon Lay – and everything just clicked. While I was very keen on embracing independent living as a lifestyle, I didn’t want to be tied down to a long-term contract and still wanted the option of flexibility should I change my mind. Coliwoo offered me just that, as I simply needed to commit to a minimum of one month. The property is also near Boon Lay MRT, as well as bus services that can take me to many parts of Singapore. There is Jurong Point if I need to go on a quick grocery run too. Everything is within a walking distance so it was a no brainer for me to settle down there!

Settling in

Moving into a co-living space was fuss-free and easy, as everything was retrofitted (my suite came with a workstation for my work-from-home needs) and the monthly rental fees are all-inclusive – I didn’t have to worry about paying extra for utilities and wi-fi. That in itself saved me a huge deal of stress.

Having lived by myself previously, I adapted to the new environment pretty quickly. The good thing about co-living spaces is having the right balance of privacy and community; I have my own room to retreat to when I want to be alone, or I can simply hang around the communal amenities and make new connections there. I would typically catch up on my work in the lounge area whenever I needed a change of environment beyond the four walls of my room, or use the shared kitchen to whip up some meals.

There are also events that such co-living spaces organise to help members to settle in and expand their network, including festive celebrations and activities such as cycling and even cocktail-making workshops. While I have not attended any due to my busy schedule, it is heartening to know that there are opportunities like this to befriend others, which keeps the loneliness – that some might feel when they live by themselves – at bay.

With more space comes more responsibilities

While living independently comes with a myriad of perks, it also comes with a huge set of added responsibilities. Chief amongst them is how I was now entirely responsible for the upkeep of my suite. This includes chores that I was not necessarily taking on when I was living in my parents’ home – such as cleaning the en-suite toilet. Coliwoo also offers housekeeping services at an additional fee, and while I didn’t go for that, it was comforting to know that such an option was available should I need extra support on housework.

Financial considerations were also constantly on my mind, as I had to ensure that I could pay my rental fees month-on-month. Though with co-living fees being all-inclusive for the most part, I was able to enjoy cost savings that I otherwise wouldn’t if I had rented an apartment or flat elsewhere.

Despite all this, I took everything in stride – constantly reminding myself that that this was just part of growing up!

Building a stronger relationship with myself

Through it all, the biggest plus point of independent living is the ability to have the personal space to focus on myself and my mental health. In my experience, Boon Lay is one of the more peaceful neighbourhoods in Singapore. The tranquility and quiet I get before and after work when living alone is absolutely well worth the effort. I consider this a luxury as Singapore is so small and congested. More often than not, it is not easy to get away from the hustle and bustle to have a moment to myself, but staying alone has allowed me to reflect on my days peacefully. This was definitely not something that I got to enjoy when living in my parents’ home back then.

They say that living alone also helps one find their identity, and this cannot ring any truer for me too! It may sound cliché, but spending more time with myself in my own space was a journey of self-discovery that I wouldn’t trade for anything else.

Having genuine peace and quiet after a long day is something that I not only thoroughly appreciate, but need. This is especially in my line of work that requires me to not only be engaged intellectually, but give my absolute best physically and emotionally. Living alone was key in facilitating my daily routine of rejuvenation before the start of the next day.

All well worth it

I empathise with anyone who craves the freedom that comes with living independently. Sure, it might come with its own set of challenges, but the benefits far outweigh them.

Some say that living with parents is not exactly rent-free; it’s being paid with your mental health. Moving out has definitely allowed me to live on my own terms and grow mentally, while also avoiding any unnecessary disagreements living with my parents. I don’t mean this disrespectfully too of course, but as a young adult, I want the freedom to make mistakes – because that’s how I’ll learn and grow from them.

That, in itself, is worth the financial tradeoff for me personally.

Lia Tan is a 26-year-old self-employed Ontological coach and educator.