Izyan Mellyna on her transformational journey since being diagnosed with lupus

During the 1990s, Channel Prime 12 ran a Malay show called Ya Alif. It depicted children in traditional Malay song-and-dance routines in familiar locations across Singapore such as HDB playgrounds and in MRT trains. One of the children was Izyan Mellyna, who found her passion for the stage, and went on to act on television and in films like Banting (2014) and Mata Mata (2013).

But the image of the cherubic, smiling girl from back then is a far cry from the 28-year-old Izyan in 2016, who found out she had lupus while pregnant with her third child. “I had petechiae rash all over my body, bleeding gums and non-healing ulcers. Later, I also had joint pains. It took a year for doctors to diagnose me with lupus, or SLE (Systemic Lupus Erythematosus),” relates the mother of three boys aged four, eight and 10.

The autoimmune disease is frightening to encounter, with the body’s immune system mistakenly attacking healthy tissue across the body rather than protecting it. Izyan shares that on some days, it feels like her body is at war with itself. She pulls out old photos to show me lip ulcers, and of her with her third son while being treated in hospital – a place she would become familiar with over the years. Even now, she visits a few times monthly for IV transfusions, bloodwork and doctor appointments ever since the illness started attacking her kidneys in 2023.

Izyan describes those first few months as one of the most humbling times in her life. “I was growing a life while trying to preserve my own strength – physically, emotionally and spiritually. For most of my appointments, I had to meet both my rheumatologist and obstetrician in the same clinic so they could review me together,” she says on her high-risk pregnancy.

The struggles were manifold. “At that time, I was kind of at the peak of my career: I was young, I had plenty of job offers, and I was juggling between being a mother [to a new baby] and all my filming work,” recalls Izyan who trained as a nurse and studied sociology, but became a full-time actor for the love of performance.

The frustrations were compounded by dealing with the needs of her older sons: “Their schoolwork, their big feelings, their need for presence.” She questioned if she was doing enough as a mother and wife. “I was also still healing, still managing medication, fatigue, brain fog, and moments of uncertainty.” 

Strength of support

Fortunately, like a butterfly that emerges after time in its dark, lonely chrysalis, there was enlightenment. “Somewhere in all that chaos, I found a different rhythm. It is slower, but deeper. I learnt that creativity doesn’t disappear in hard seasons – it transforms it. It shows up in the way I comfort my child when I am exhausted, in being honest with my husband about the kind of support I need, in learning to forgive myself for not doing it all,” says Izyan, who used to believe that she had to “be everything to everyone”.

Good friends and kin have been her bedrock. Izyan is close to her parents, who ferry her to hospital visits or arrive at her home within minutes when she feels unwell. Once, when she was hospitalised for a month, a close friend even offered to donate a kidney.

“Although I have not reached that stage, just hearing that truly shows how lucky I am to be surrounded by friends like these,” she says. Her three sons also wrote letters and cards for her almost daily, and they have been the biggest motivation for the loving mother to recover.

Through the years, Izyan’s husband, who only wishes to be known as Saifulnazri, has been a steadfast supporter, even though he has not always been physically around. He has been based in Saudi Arabia for work for the past seven years, and travels back every one or two months – staying only four to five days at a time – and for the holidays. She has a trusted lived-in helper who looks after her and the children as well. 

Izyan speaks of him fondly, with as much affection as she had for him when they met as young adults in polytechnic. “We were both on the soccer team, but we only dated after we graduated. I was attracted to his kindness and integrity. I felt that he brought a certain calm, and I felt safe with him. I was also drawn to how he listens – not just hearing words, but really understanding. And it’s a bonus that he has a peculiar sense of humour like I do!”

In her daily life, Izyan is learning to be present with her family – this means being present with herself too. “The small things matter – drinking my coffee slowly, saying no when I need rest, laughing with my children, having quiet moments with my husband. These aren’t grand gestures, but they keep me grounded,” she shares

Listening to herself

Being okay with “doing less, and without guilt” has meant changing her lifestyle: Izyan rejects large group gatherings in close proximity to avoid infections, and she consistently wears a mask. Home-cooked food is ideal for its lower salt and protein content, and she shuns direct sunlight that causes her condition to flare up.

So much effort, and these are really just the best precautionary measures Izyan can take to manage her condition. “Even so, sometimes, the lupus can flare up unexpectedly, and I think that’s the heart-breaking part. Because no matter how much I try to control what’s within my control, it still may not be enough,” she sighs.

What she has not given up though, is acting.“It’s about telling human stories, connecting with emotions, and holding space for perspectives beyond my own,”Izyan articulates. “It has shaped me in the most unexpected ways. It taught me to be brave with my vulnerability, to sit with discomfort, and to honour the truth in every role – even when it hits close to home.” 

She now only takes on roles that challenge her and are meaningful. Izyan is currently filming the fourth season of the Tuah 13 television series on Malay-language local television channel Suria, and is grateful to be on the production for the past seasons over the last five years.

However, acting and being a public figure while having lupus hasn’t been all plain sailing. Reflects Izyan: “Because of the nature of my job, social media can sometimes feel like an extension of the performance. Smiling through exhaustion, posting through pain, I used to feel that pressure, and it was exhausting.” Still, the actor believes she has matured past that. “I no longer feel the need to prove anything to anyone.” 

Discovering new paths

Adjusted priorities means she also no longer asks, “What’s next?” but “What feels true?” And this has led to new ventures, including founding a women’s clothing label Essara, which Izyan describes as “ a love letter to women, moving through life with grace, purpose and authenticity”.

Looking back to the early days of discovering her illness, Izyan wishes someone had reminded that her worth wasn’t tied to how visible or productive she was. “That falling ill didn’t mean I had failed; that I could still take my time to heal and still belong,” she explains. “As an actor, there’s this expectation to be resilient all the time, to bounce back quickly, to show up no matter what – and for a long time, I did. But when I fell seriously ill, everything shifted. Suddenly, I wasn’t just fighting to get better; I was also fighting the silence around it.”

This was partly why she started a podcast series, This Iz, where guests have spoken about topics on mental health, as well as shared real stories “in a world that’s so curated”, such as about raising a child with autism or experiencing sexual harassment.

“I know there are others who feel that same kind of invisibility when they’re struggling behind the scenes. And I hope my story gives them permission to speak up, to ask for what they need, and to know they’re not alone,” Izyan says.

I ask her what she would say to others in a similar state of despair and vulnerability. “You’re not broken; you are becoming,” Izyan says. “And even if it doesn’t look like progress from the outside, surviving this moment is already a quiet kind of strength. There were times when I couldn’t see the way forward either. There were days when just getting out of bed felt impossible. But I’ve learnt that healing doesn’t follow a straight line. Some days will feel like a setback. Others are like light creeping in through a crack. Let both [types of days] be okay.”

PHOTOGRAPHY: DARREN GABRIEL LEOW, ASSISTED BY: MELVIN WONG
CREATIVE DIRECTION & STYLING: LENA KAMARUDIN, ASSISTED BY: MANDY TAN & KALINA WOJCICKA
ART DIRECTION: RAY TICSAY
FLORAL STYLING: FAWN WORLD
HIJAB STYLING: SYAZANA HISHAMUDDIN (IZYAN MELLYNA)
MAKEUP: LASALLE LEE, USING DIOR BEAUTY