Her Body, Her Timeline: How infertility can affect you at any age

“How To Build A Singaporean Woman” is a Her World original docuseries which highlights the social and cultural issues that women in Singapore face, and asks: what does it mean to be a Singaporean woman today? In the ninth episode, “Give Her Hope”, Kim Unwin, Co-founder of Fertility Support SG, Founder & CEO of The F Word Asia, and Co-founder & CEO of Oeveo, opens up about her long and painful journey with infertility, IVF, and finally having her third child after a near-decade-long struggle. Alongside her is Anna V. Haotanto, Founder & CEO of Zora Health, who shares her personal experience with perimenopause and egg freezing, and why she believes women need to reclaim control over their fertility timeline. Together, they unravel the emotional, physical and societal weight that fertility carries — and how hope, support, and knowledge can make all the difference.

Not always by choice, not always by age

A woman’s fertility journey is often anything but smooth. For Kim, a mother of two, getting pregnant again should’ve been straightforward. At least that’s what the doctor thought. But after two failed IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) procedures, reality set in: this wasn’t going to be an easy ride.

Anna, on the other hand, wasn’t actively trying for a baby, but something felt off. In 2022, she experienced weight gain, hot flashes, night sweats, brain fog, and trouble sleeping. At her age, the possibility of going through menopause seemed shocking. But it turned out she was in perimenopause — the lesser-known stage leading up to menopause that can begin as early as your 30s.

In Singapore, most women experience menopause between the ages of 45 and 55, with the average age being 49, slightly earlier than the Western average of 51. Although Anna isn’t certain about having children, she’s thankful she chose to freeze her eggs before any symptoms of menopause set in.

At the same time, Kim faced relatives who unkindly suggested her infertility was “God’s answer”, implying she shouldn’t try for another child. But both her experience and the data make it clear: fertility isn’t always a matter of will —it’s shaped by biology, timing, and often, sheer unpredictability.

The IVF reality check: More than just a waiting game

After several unsuccessful IVF attempts, Kim eventually became pregnant, only to lose the baby at 14 weeks. Doctors diagnosed it as a missed miscarriage, a devastating condition where there’s no heartbeat but no warning signs like bleeding or pain.

Years later, she discovered a hole in her uterus that required a 13-hour surgery. She was told to pause all pregnancy attempts for a year. What started as a journey at 32 extended to 40.

“Do we want to still be doing this for the next few years?” Kim considers. Her husband stood by her decision, and finally, after one last embryo transfer, she had a successful pregnancy.

The number of eggs a woman should freeze varies based on individual factors — there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Health, age, and personal circumstances all play a significant role in determining what’s right for each woman.

For women aged 30 to 35, freezing 15 eggs gives about an 80% chance of one live birth. The earlier you freeze, the better. Fertility peaks between 18 to 31, when egg quality and quantity are at their best.

In Singapore, two IVF cycles are the median number needed for a successful live birth, with 75% of women conceiving by the second cycle. But IVF is still not a guarantee, though, and the emotional toll it takes can’t be underestimated. “Every day is a worry,” Kim reflects on her last pregnancy.

Freeze eggs, not dreams

When Anna wrote an 8,000-word article on egg freezing, she didn’t expect it to go viral. But it struck a chord. She didn’t just share her personal experience — she substantiated it with thorough research, addressing both pros and cons.

Kim, too, has firsthand experience with secondary infertility — a condition where women who have already had children struggle to conceive again. “A lot of people presume that at 34, 35 you’re still quite young, you still can have children, but actually your egg decreases from the age of 25,” iterates Anna.

Egg freezing offers women flexibility.

Since elective egg freezing became legal in Singapore in 2023, more than 200 women have opted for the procedure. Many women choose to freeze their eggs to prioritise career or education, due to the absence of a suitable partner, to manage medical conditions, or simply to have greater control over their family planning decisions.

Finding purpose in pain: Building communities for fertility support

Anna started Zora Health to fix what she felt was missing — easy access to information, verified clinics, and transparent prices. “When I searched ‘fertility clinics in Singapore’, I found…nothing,” she says. Zora now acts as a trusted guide for women exploring egg freezing and fertility options, offering real advice from real experts.

Kim found healing by helping others. Through Fertility Support SG, she created a community where women (and men) can speak freely and find empathy.

Before 2023, Singapore only allowed egg freezing for medical reasons. Now, women up to age 37, originally capped at 35, can choose to freeze their eggs even if they’re single, though only legally married couples can use them for IVF.

Infertility isn’t just a woman’s issue

Globally, sperm quality has declined over the past decade, highlighting a growing concern in male reproductive health. Male infertility, ranging from low sperm count to poor motility and abnormal sperm shape, is a significant part of the fertility equation. Yet, societal stigma continues to place the emotional burden primarily on women, often leaving them with deep shame and guilt. “It’s almost like this caricature of, you know, your mother-in-law saying ‘It’s all your fault because you can’t give me a child or grandkids,’” comments Anna.

The persistent blame women face, regardless of the actual medical cause, prevails. 

Kim recalls a man who once confided during her talk, “But I cry in the toilet myself.” His wife had no idea he was silently struggling. This emotional isolation is why Fertility Support SG also runs a dedicated men’s group — to give men a safe space to speak up and seek support. Many men feel uncertain and almost helpless as they navigate the fertility journey alongside their partner, unsure of how to cope or contribute.

After all, fertility isn’t just a woman’s journey to persevere through.

Know sooner, not later: Why education on fertility matters

Anna emphasises that taking charge of your own body and health begins with education and awareness. One way to start is by getting fertility tests, which can provide valuable insights into your reproductive health and help you better understand what’s happening.

Hope may not change the path, but it changes the experience. And as Kim and Anna show, even when the road is long, it’s never one you have to walk alone.