Glenda Chong on the reality of becoming a mum at 52

If the practice of Chinese post-partum confinement had a grading system, Glenda Chong would get top marks. The 52-year-old newscaster is five weeks post-partum after the birth of her first child when I meet her for brunch at the verdant Wildseed Cafe in Seletar, and this interview session is the first time she’s left home for a reason other than to visit the doctor’s clinic.

In traditional Asian confinement practices, new mothers are often advised to stay home for the first 30 to 40 days, although not all women abide by this. Glenda does a double take at the realisation and laughs: “Yes, I’ve been very obedient! I’m not young, so I need all the nourishment I can get. My recovery is going to be slower than a 20something-year-old.”

Whether it is her religious adoption of confinement period practices, or that she’s blessed with superior genes, Glenda is resplendent as a first-time mother. Earlier, she had emerged from her convertible looking effortlessly put together in a stretchy black dress, colourful kimono jacket, and a practical pair of sandals. There was no denying the winsome glow on her face as she greets me, armed with a trusty flask of red date tea.

I tell her that she looks amazing, and she scoffs, dropping her voice down to a conspiratorial whisper: “I look terrible; the dark circles under my eyes are real, but I know that I am my worst critic, as we all are.”

Confinement Diaries

Ever since her son – officially known to the public as Baby Chan – was born on March 5 this year, Glenda’s meals have been a regular rotation of protein-, ginger- and vinegar-rich dishes such as Peranakan babi pongteh (her favourite, being half-Peranakan), vinegar pig trotters and papaya fish soup.

As per traditional Chinese confinement rules, which emphasise keeping the body “warm” to aid in recovery, she held back on showering for the first two weeks. After which, she took showers with herbal bath packets on hot, sunny days. Whenever it rained, her confinement nanny would serve up a glass of Benedictine D.O.M, a French herbal liqueur packed with 27 different plants and spices to keep her body warm. While air-conditioning was allowed, it was set to a toasty 25 deg C, with the fan never blowing directly at her.

These rigid practices might come across as militant to most mothers, but Glenda gladly takes it in her stride given her age, and after 27 years in the newsroom.

“I’ve always been practical and disciplined, and being in the newsroom for so long has also cultivated this side of me,” she says, in between bites of avocado toast – a dish that her confinement nanny has generously allowed.

Glenda doesn’t shy away from speaking about the fact that she is a first-time mother in her 50s. While her pregnancy and post-partum period were textbook perfect, her road to motherhood has been anything but.

Glenda and her lawyer husband, Justin Chan, tied the knot in 2014 and tried for a child for 10 years, which involved 10 cycles of in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) before they found success. Their challenging journey has been widely publicised on her social media accounts and on local media channels.

“I remember throwing caution to the wind and telling Justin, ‘This is it,’” says Glenda of her 10th and last IVF cycle. “I knew we had to stop somewhere. I needed to be realistic at some point, and perhaps having a child might not be in our story.”

She adds: “I was not getting any younger, and I didn’t want to be a 60-year-old mother [of a newborn]. My friends were already retiring, or I was attending their kids’ weddings. It became clear that my life was very different among my circle of friends.”

What advice would she give to older women trying for a child? “Don’t give up, because you never know when it is going to happen. But also know when to stop, otherwise it will affect your mental and emotional health – and your relationships with others,” says Glenda with a wry smile.

Time matters

Before Baby Chan, Glenda’s day-to-day as a newscaster anchoring News Now on CNA at 2pm and News Tonight on Channel 5 at 9pm meant that her working hours were different from others, and she had ample pockets of alone time while the world went to bed.

It is 11pm by the time Glenda gets home from her night segments, and she is typically buzzed after a long day. While Justin gets ready for bed, the couple have about 10 minutes of chat time.

“He’s calm and ready to sleep, while I’m all wired up after work,” she grins. “I take a while to unwind, so I have a lot of time to myself before I go to sleep at about 3am.”

This time to oneself becomes elusive the second anyone enters parenthood – something that Glenda realised quickly enough. It might only have been over a month since Baby Chan entered her life, but she is acutely aware of how her life script has flipped 180 degrees, and how time is no longer on her side.

“Time is not yours anymore,” she declares sagely. “Everyone told me, ‘You’re going to have sleepless nights.’ Only now do I really understand what they mean.”

At present, Glenda gets an hour and a half of sleep in between three-hourly feeds, as it takes her half that time to mix-feed Baby Chan (breastfeeding, followed by a pumping session while the nanny gives him formula), because she is not producing enough milk for him.

She continues: “I was so gung-ho the first two weeks, and thought to myself, ‘I can do this, no problem.’ Now, I’m like, I need to sleep every opportunity I get. It’s a different kind of busy.”

Glenda’s sole focus at the moment is on Baby Chan’s growth and making sure that he is healthy. “I’ve never understood the importance of checking the importance of stool,” she says with a guffaw.

Her village – Justin, her confinement nanny, helper and mother-in-law – helps to keep her supported and sane. She went through a short phase feeling like a failure when she realised that her breast milk alone was not enough for Baby Chan, but Justin immediately waved it off. “He said, ‘What are you talking about? You just went through nine months of pregnancy and have now given birth to a beautiful baby boy. You’ve got to cut yourself some slack.’”

Glenda nods, as if absorbing her own words during that mini pep talk. Up until now, she admits that the notion of love and responsibility has felt very different. The revelation that Baby Chan is fully reliant on her for his every need is profound.

While she plans to return to work, I ask if parenthood has changed her perspective on life, and if it signals a brand-new chapter for her. “Parenthood has changed everything,” she says. “I never believed that someone could be so dependent on me, yet I am so willing to do everything for him. I never realised how much love I can give to someone. You know, previously it was love for my husband, that’s different; love for my parents, that’s also different. And I thought I loved my dog so much, and then this baby came along, and my capacity for loving him is so much more.”

Slowing down is on her mind, she remarks. Spending time with Baby Chan, and fully soaking in this season with him is top on her priority list. “I don’t have the luxury of a 20- or 30-year-old mother with a longer runway of time with their child. Mine is very much shorter, and I want to spend as much time as possible with him.”

Growing with grace

As our conversation segues into her plans moving forward, Glenda snaps back into the high-functioning and organised individual that she is. She is remarkably clear about what she needs to do when her confinement nanny leaves in a few weeks’ time, and her mind is in constant overdrive thinking about all her unaccomplished tasks.

There is so much to learn as a new parent, and Glenda is determined to become the most competent mother she can be. She begins to count off her internal checklist.

“How do I maximise my nanny’s experience so that her skills are transferable to me? Today, I want her to teach me how to take my baby out for lunch, and what I’ll need. Diapers, blankets, swaddles, hot water, milk powder? Tomorrow, I want her to teach me what his mouth movements mean, or what to do in different scenarios – whether I am dining in a restaurant with my girlfriends or going on a long walk with him.”

She credits both her personality and her age for her Type A fastidiousness. “Perhaps I have an older mother syndrome? I know what I want. I’m paying my confinement nanny good money for all the expertise that she’s had. She reads babies’ cues well – like what a particular mouth movement means – so I would like her to teach me what she knows, so I can be a good mum,” explains Glenda.

On the subject of ageing gracefully, Glenda reveals this is a question she struggles with. She tilts her head, immersed in thought, as she ponders whether ageing encompasses a physical, mental or emotional state to her.

“I think it is about being generous – with my time, knowledge and emotions,” she responds. “For example, I used to have a short fuse with crying babies on aeroplanes. But as I got older, and even before I had Baby Chan, I became more generous with my time and emotions. Now, I try to understand the mother’s situation, as you just don’t know what she’s going through.”

A soft smile then crosses her face, as she recalls her late mother, who passed away in 2014, in a fond memory from her own childhood. “You know those autograph books that we used to have in school where your friends would pen something down for you? I always asked my mum to write in my book every year, and every year, she would write the same thing. She always wrote, ‘Patience is a virtue.’”

Glenda pauses for a moment, emotion starting to creep into her voice. “I never understood it until a few years ago, when I realised that patience is truly a virtue in every sense. Be patient with people, with yourself, and even with your career,” she tells me.

“That’s what it means to age gracefully. My mother aged very gracefully. She was a very beautiful, loving and kind woman.”

PHOTOGRAPHY: JOEL LOW, ASSISTED BY: EDDIE TEO
CREATIVE DIRECTION & STYLING: LENA KAMARUDIN, ASSISTED BY ANIS NABILAH AZLEE
ART DIRECTION: RAY TICSAY
HAIR: BEN LEONG/ PASSION HAIR SALON
MAKEUP: CLARENCE LEE, USING CLARINS