Three women recount their struggles with breast cancer, and how they've come to love their bodies

Surviving the trauma

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For Charlene, her experience  affected her sense of self. The entrepreneur had always been confident; in fact, right before she  was diagnosed, she had just sold her stake at Paktor, a local dating app that she co-founded.

Charlene’s recovery process was physically painful, because the nine-hour surgery included  moving her back lat muscle forward for the reconstruction of her breast. But what was more  painful was the emotional trauma and the hit to her confidence.  “I had to rediscover who I was as a person,” she reflects.  She recalls an incident when she  overheard her male friends joking  around that she had done a “boob  job”. “Though it was just [said] in jest, it did hit a nerve, as I didn’t ask for this ‘boob job’,” she says.  The silicone implant also took time to get used to, as it felt unnatural. “The implant does look a little rounder as compared to my right breast, so when I wear  certain swimsuits or bikinis, you’ll  be able to tell straight away that one side is fake,” she says.

Over time, however, she grew  accustomed to her new implant, and has learnt how to focus her attention on exercising and strength training. “I’ve learnt not to focus on it anymore. I live life to the fullest now, and wear whatever  I want,” she shares.

For Yvonne Ang, a financial  consultant and co-founder of  Lianhuey, a brow embroidery and lash extensions service provider, her stage 2 breast cancer diagnosis  came as a shock. She was only 30 years old then.

Initially, she underwent a lumpectomy procedure to remove the cancer tissue as the tumour was contained. A genetic test done post-surgery, however, revealed that she had a 19 per cent chance of relapse in nine years. To eliminate the risks, she decided to opt for a bilateral double  mastectomy and reconstruction  surgery – a procedure that’s “an  extreme preventive measure”,  according to her doctor.

“It wasn’t an easy decision, but I’m only in my 30s. If I survive,  I still have so many years to go. I didn’t want to keep living in fear [of the cancer returning],” says Yvonne.

Despite the diagnosis, she put on a brave front as she did not want to worry loved ones. In any case, it’s not in her nature to dwell  on negativity.

She recounts the discussion  she had with her husband about the breast removal surgery: “I told him that the silicone [implants] would be bigger, and he was like,  ‘Oh, sounds good’,” she says with  a laugh.

Adjusting to the new breasts wasn’t easy, especially since it was  a double mastectomy. “Physically, the challenge was to accept a set of fake breasts that don’t feel and look like my real ones,” she explains. There were also post surgery scars – both literally and  figuratively.

“I did not know that I’m prone to developing keloid scars. Now,  I have two long keloid scars right  below my breasts,” she reveals. Mentally, there is the lingering  fear that the cancer might return,  despite the preventive steps taken. She says: “Even as a survivor  in remission, it is still my biggest  worry that I will suffer from a  relapse. No matter how positive I am, I’m also very scared of dying.”

The journey to self-acceptance

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For Snehal Ponde, being diagnosed with cancer completely  transformed her relationship with her body. The Indian-born certified life coach discovered she  had stage four breast cancer in  August 2020, five months after she gave birth to a healthy baby  boy, and less than a year after  she’d moved to Singapore. The metastatic cancer had spread to her lungs, liver and bones. So far, Snehal, who is still battling the  disease, has had to undergo  30 cycles of different chemotherapy drugs, along  with other treatments such as  hormonal therapy and radiation.

“Nothing prepares you for the  changes that you will go through during chemotherapy,” she shares.  “I knew I would lose all my hair,  but I didn’t know how I would  look. The transformation was slow and gradual... and it was a huge  blow to my self-esteem.”

When she lost all of her hair, including her eyelashes and eyebrows due to the  chemotherapy medication, the fear of being judged for her looks kept her from leaving her house.  “There was a lot going on in my  head, and I just didn’t want to step  out. I would barely talk to anyone or meet people. For a long time, I  didn’t do things like go and play with my son in the park,” she says.

The turning point came when a close friend, who is a trained counsellor, asked if she needed help. While she was initially resistant to the idea of therapy,  she eventually agreed to “just talk” with her friend. This turned out to be one of the best decisions she  made, she says.

To address her uneasiness about venturing out of her home, her counsellor encouraged her to look inwards. Was the unfounded fear of being judged coming from strangers, or from herself?

“I realised that it’s my voice casting judgement [on myself ], and that I had to counter that,” says Snehal.

“I slowly started  stepping out, and then I got more  comfortable with [being outside].”

Both Yvonne and Charlene empathise with Snehal – losing  their hair dealt a blow to their  confidence as well.

>“I was fearful of chemotherapy not because of the aches and pains,  but because [it meant] losing  my hair,” says Charlene. “At that  point in time, my hair was very  significant to me. I had really long  and luscious locks.”

ooking back, she notes that she “placed too much emphasis on [her] hair”. “After the start of the treatments, my focus shifted to my own well-being and my mental health during chemotherapy.” Yvonne had a similar experience. “Truthfully, when  I was first diagnosed, all I cared about was my hair,” she recalls. When her hair started falling out  in clumps due to chemotherapy,  she decided to get her head shaved  at a hair salon. With each stroke  f the shaver across her scalp, her fear of being bald diminished.

“I realised I had a really pretty  head that’s nice and round,” she  says, giggling at the memory.  She adds that having her eyebrows embroidered before her first chemotherapy treatment  helped boost her self-confidence, even when she lost her eyebrow hair. This spurred her to launch an eyebrow embroidery initiative for  cancer patients at her own salon.

“Losing your hair, eyelashes  and eyebrows can be very demoralising... which is why my  [business] partner and I thought  of giving back by offering free eyebrow embroidery to newly  diagnosed cancer patients  (a month before their first  chemotherapy),” she says of the programme. “Through this small  initiative of ours, we hope we can help these patients find the  strength and confidence to  battle cancer.”

Finding strength and support

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All three women emphasise the  importance of having a support system – whether it is among  family and friends, or within a  community.

“My biggest motivators were my family and friends. I have a very strong support team that  was by my side during my surgery,  chemotherapy sessions and doctor’s visits. The love they gave me was the strength I had to fight  cancer,” says Yvonne.

Snehal agrees – her source  of strength also comes from her  loved ones. “My family is pillar of strength, and my husband has been my biggest anchor and cheerleader through it all,” she shares.

At the start of her diagnosis,  there were a lot of fears running  through her mind, including whether her husband would leave her. With his patience and understanding, she has quietly rebuilt her confidence in their  relationship.

“Yes, of course intimacy will suffer, as your focus is placed on other issues,” she says candidly. “But we learnt to appreciate and  value each other so much more  because we realised that we were a  great team. And there’s no one else  I’d want next to me through this. “It’s not that I don’t have my  dark days, but I have my own  Energizer Bunny (my son) to ensure that I don’t stay low for long!”

For Charlene, she found a small  tribe of breast cancer survivors –  she affectionately calls them her  “boob sisters” – to rely on when  things get tough. “No one around  me was really going through  breast cancer at my age, so it  was hard at the start. I met these other women, and we formed an unbreakable bond and journeyed  together,” she explains. They  share their worries with each other, she says, including the  struggle of jumping back into the  dating game.

“When I started talking to single men on dating apps [post surgery], most of [the men] asked  if I was ever going to grow my hair  long again – which, to me, is a huge  turn-off,” she reveals.

Charlene refuses to let such opinions daunt her. “When I do  meet someone now, I’m quite upfront with them that I have  had breast cancer. If that guy is meant for you, he will love you for everything that you are. And if he doesn’t, then don’t force it,  because that’s not for you, and you will never be happy,” she says.

Recalling how lost they felt at the start of their journeys, both Yvonne and Charlene have also made the effort to share their  stories on social media platforms.  “I decided to share my story on Instagram as I wanted to break the myth or taboo that getting cancer was a death sentence, because it clearly isn’t,” Charlene shares.

Yvonne agrees: “I realised that many breast cancer patients  are like me – they have no clue about what to expect while going through treatments,” she explains. “I am very grateful that my humble story became an  inspiration to some breast cancer patients.”

Meanwhile, Snehal is helping others find strength as a professional life and career  coach. She shares: “Through  my counselling journey with my therapist, I also realised my strong need to give back and to help others. Coaching provided me the opportunity to work with people through their challenges.”

As Snehal sums it up: “Cancer  made me a new person. I think I  had far more insecurities in my  life before cancer. I love who I am now, and I’ve learnt that my  future is of my choosing.”

The importance of early screening for triple-negative breast cancer

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Triple-negative breast cancer (TNBC) is an  aggressive cancer that does not have any  of the three proteins commonly found on  breast cancer cells – oestrogen, progesterone  and the HER2 receptors. TNBC is difficult to treat and more likely to affect younger  women, especially those aged 40 and below. Arm yourself with these brief TNBC facts  and common symptoms, as explained by  Dr Michelle Dee, the medical affairs lead  for Singapore and Malaysia in multinational  pharmaceutical company MSD, as early  detection is crucial in improving survival rates.

TNBC FACTS 

Makes up 10-15 per cent of breast cancer  diagnoses
Tends to affect women under 40 years old
Is highly prone to spreading and relapse

KNOW THE SIGNS  

A lump in the breast
Breast pain or redness
Nipple discharge or a nipple turned inward
Changes in the breast skin