A working mum-of-3 shares tip on how to balance work & family without burning out

Know that your career trajectory is likely to change

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Let’s address the elephant in the room first. According to a survey by Harvard Business Review in 2005, 43% of highly-qualified women took voluntary time out from work after having children. In the same study, it was found that a career switch was the top reason for men to leave the workforce, while “family time” was the main reason for women to off-ramp their careers.

Lin reports observing the same effect in her work as a career coach – with women reducing their work hours, changing roles or completely switching up their careers.

“I wouldn’t say this is necessarily a ‘hit’ or a negative thing,” she adds. “It is a wonderful time to rediscover ourselves, question what makes us feel more fulfilled and realise that we might actually be barely scratching the surface of our true potential.”

Manage your expectations of productivity

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As a mother of three children aged between two to 7 years old, Lin not only understands but has experienced firsthand just how stretched mothers can be. With both work and kids demanding your attention, Lin suggests being mentally ready to shift your focus as needed. For instance, when her kids are going through a phase and needed more of her attention, she just went with it.

“I have to drop all expectations of getting any work done so that I can stay fully present with my child and view any work accomplished as a bonus.”

But in order to do so, you have to look at your schedule first. Are your days packed with a neverending to-do list? Then therein lies the issue. These days, Lin keeps her daily to-do list short with “very simple standards” – just two key work tasks, and a period of quality time with her kids.

“I’ve drawn strict boundaries around setting simple, quality standards, and setting time aside for self-care activities. It has worked wonders for my mental health,” she attests.

Don’t lose your sense of self

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Having worked with women who feel like they’ve lost their identities in the process of motherhood, Lin also stresses the importance of maintaining your sense of self. That means putting your needs first and pursuing what you want.

“Our relationship with ourselves is equally important, if not more,” she says. “Continue to pursue what is important to feel alive and whole. Our children are watching us as their role models, and living our life to the fullest is one of the best ways to educate them on how to live theirs.”

Besides allowing you to hold on to your sense of self, it also prevents you from being stuck in what she calls a “disempowering cycle” – where you are overwhelmed, exhausted, easily triggered by external events and susceptible to mum guilt. If this sounds like you, take it as a sign for you to put the metaphorical oxygen mask on yourself first.

“Tune in to your needs that are not being met and commit some space and time to fulfil those mindfully. And check in on the mindset you have, which might be what’s keeping you stuck in a disempowering cycle.”

Accept that stress can = growth

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Lin further elaborates that stress is part and parcel of growth, so some level of it can be healthy for us.

“I wouldn’t want to say mothers are more prone to stress because that normalises a narrative that many mothers succumb to that, which keeps them in that disempowered place. The story can, and needs to change,” she says.

That said, when stress causes us to experience some level of dysfunction, it can spill over to other areas of our lives if we fail to address it. This is when it gets concerning. The good news, according to Lin, is that everything is within our control (although it might not feel like it sometimes!).

“What makes one more prone to stress than another person boils down to many internal factors, which are within our control: our degree of resilience, self-awareness, openness to change and desire for something better. Am I stuck in the state of mind of a victim? Or do I want to empower myself? These are the traits and questions that will help us deal with the inevitable stress in our lives.”

This article was originally published in Singapore Women's Weekly.