13 Modern etiquette rules we should probably all know by now

Etiquette is something most of us are taught from young. Say please and thank you. Be on time. Don’t talk with your mouth full. You know, the basics.

But etiquette doesn’t stay the same forever. The way we work, date, communicate and socialise has changed drastically, especially with smartphones and social media now woven into almost every part of our lives. Naturally, the unwritten rules around what is and isn’t polite have changed too.

The problem? Not everyone seems to have received the memo.

Here are some of the modern social etiquette rules worth keeping in mind.

Taking work or video calls from cafés

Working from a café can be a nice change of scenery, but remember that everyone else didn’t sign up to join your morning meeting.

If you need to take a call, keep your voice down, use earphones and be mindful of what’s visible behind you, especially if other customers could end up on camera. And if you know you have a long meeting where you’ll be talking constantly? A café might not be the best place for it.

Playing TikToks, Instagram Reels or YouTube videos out loud

You might be deeply invested in the TikTok drama unfolding on your screen, but the rest of the train, café or waiting room probably isn’t.

If you’re watching videos in public, put your earphones in. Nobody should be forced to listen to someone else’s For You Page at full volume.

Keeping your earphones in at a manned checkout

We get it, the playlist is good. But when you reach a manned checkout, take your earphones out or at least pause whatever you’re listening to.

The cashier may need to ask you questions about payment, bags, memberships or your purchases, and they shouldn’t have to repeat themselves because you’re still halfway through a podcast. But at a self-checkout? Carry on.

Making tentative dating plans and never following through

Modern dating might be more casual than it was in our parents’ or grandparents’ time, but basic courtesy still applies.

If you’ve talked about meeting someone and then change your mind, tell them. Don’t disappear, ghost them or leave them wondering whether the date is still happening. A simple “Hey, I don’t think I’m feeling this anymore” might be uncomfortable to send, but it’s much kinder than silence.

Going overboard with PDA on public transport

There’s affection, and then there’s making an entire train carriage unwilling participants in your love life.

Holding hands, leaning on each other or sharing a quick kiss? Fine. A prolonged make-out session when everyone around you is trapped in the same confined space? Maybe save that for somewhere more private.

Using AI to write a meaningful or heartfelt message

AI can help us with work, answer questions and even make our writing sound better. But there are some things that should still come from you.

If you’re writing a birthday message to your best friend, an apology to your partner or a heartfelt note to someone you love, don’t outsource the entire thing to AI. If writing isn’t your strength, write what you genuinely want to say first and use AI to clean it up. The words don’t have to be perfect. They just have to sound like you.

Replying to a text with an unexpected voice note

Voice notes are incredibly convenient for the sender. For the receiver? Not always.

If someone is having a text conversation with you, suddenly sending a five-minute voice note means they now need to find somewhere they can listen to it. If you have a lot to say and a voice note really is easier, a quick “Sorry, this is too long to type” gives them a heads-up that they can listen when they’re able to.

Adding someone to a WhatsApp group without checking first

If you were inviting a new person to a small gathering, you’d probably check with everyone first. Why should a group chat be any different?

Before adding someone new to an existing WhatsApp group, especially a close-knit one, ask the group if everyone is comfortable with it. Remember, adding someone also gives them access to members’ phone numbers and potentially changes the dynamic of the chat.

Recording content in public without considering the people around you

Filming yourself in public is normal now, whether you’re making a TikTok, vlog or just documenting your day. But the strangers around you didn’t necessarily agree to become your supporting cast.

If someone is clearly identifiable or heavily featured in the background of your content, consider blurring them before posting or choosing another angle. Being in a public place doesn’t mean everyone wants to unexpectedly find themselves on someone else’s social media account.

Posting the group photo where you’re the only one who looks good

We all know this person. They look incredible, so the photo gets posted immediately, never mind that someone else is blinking and another looks like they were caught mid-sneeze.

Before posting a group photo, take two seconds to check how everyone else looks too. Better yet, send it to the group first if you’re unsure. You wouldn’t love someone posting your worst angle just because it happened to be their best one.

Posting photos or videos of other people’s children without permission

Parents have very different boundaries when it comes to sharing their children online, and you shouldn’t assume someone is comfortable with it just because you are.

Before posting a photo or video featuring someone else’s child, ask their parent or guardian. If you don’t have permission, leave it off social media or make sure the child isn’t identifiable.

Never RSVPing and then showing up anyway

RSVPs aren’t reserved for weddings and fancy dinners. If someone asks you to confirm whether you’re attending, there’s probably a reason.

Hosts need to plan food, drinks, seating and sometimes even costs around the number of guests attending. So reply, even if it’s just a casual house party. And unless the invitation says you can bring a plus-one, don’t surprise the host with an extra guest either.

Keeping your phone face-up during a meal and constantly checking it

Our phones are so permanently attached to us that putting one away for an hour can almost feel unnatural. But constantly glancing at your screen while having a meal with someone sends a pretty clear message about where your attention is.

Unless you’re waiting for an important call or message, put your phone away or at least leave it face-down and resist checking every notification. And if you do need to keep an eye on it, simply tell the person you’re with why.

We might not have been taught about WhatsApp group chats, voice notes or AI-generated birthday messages growing up, but the principle behind good etiquette hasn’t really changed. It’s about being aware of how your actions affect the people around you.

Technology will keep evolving and new social rules will inevitably come with it. But if you’re ever unsure whether something is rude, there’s one question that usually helps: would you be annoyed if someone did the same thing to you?