Image: 123rf

Let me set the scene for you.

My ex boyfriend (from a few years ago) has, for reasons I cannot work out, suddenly decided to get back in touch and wants to speak every day. We didn't have a bad split and he still makes me laugh and I am happy to be friends...but that's it. Just friends.

I'm a one chance kinda gal. I now have no feels. None. But, I do remain friends with my ex boyfriends and I am happy to chat, skype, text, whatever. This particular ex is HILARIOUS and he had me in stitches for my train journey home. But then, the giggles stopped...

...after he sent me an unsolicited penis pic.

So there I am on the phone chatting to him about life and he goes "check your whatsapp" only for me to quickly close the screen again after his huge genitals were staring back at me.

The conversation that followed went something like this:

Me: "Okay soooo, honey, you need to listen up cos I'm about to get real on your butt. Do you realise that sending me your penis does absolutely nothing for me whatsoever, never has, never will? When I loved you, when I don't - I don't want that pic. It's not just your particular one or anything, it's all of them. They do nothing for me...and it's not just me, all girls feel the same. We don't care for a penis pic. We girls literally don't feel anything except maybe a bit shocked, that's it. Guys love a naked pic from us but we don't have the same reaction back. Plus, I don't even fancy you anymore. So I really don't want that D and I certainly don't need it on my phone staring back at me."

Him: "Babe...why didn't you tell me this years ago?"

Me: "I thought all guys knew this!"

Him: "No, we don't. Cheers for telling me earlier woman...Tshhh could have saved me a lot of agg"

Me: "So, you thought when you sent me that I was suddenly going to ask to see you again or what? Nah mate."

Him: "Well, babe, you've changed my world."

Me: "I know. Thank me later."

Image: 123rf

Thus, I saw I needed to write this article, so that all the men get the same frank conversation that I thrusted upon my dearest ex boy. This is the truth dudes - we really do not care for penis pics. Even when I am madly in love with a man, I literally do not need a penis shot stored in my gallery. I get off more looking at his face, his body - doesn't even need to be naked or topless for me. I prefer to use my imagination. I don't ever see a penis pic and get immediately horny. I usually just giggle, or stare in disbelief and then - I SEND IT TO MY GIRLS.

That's the next thing I need to come on to here - women are just as bad as men and if she tells you she's never shown her mates your pics, she is probably lying. We all give it a share, either in a Whatsapp group chat or we show each other after a few drinks. Whether it's to discuss size or just to LOL, that pic will get seen by many others. Ok? We boast too. We show off too. Don't be fooled gentlemen...even if she's a good girl and the love of your life, she may have quickly flashed her best mate the phone screen once after some cocktails.

So, what about all of this the other way round, women to men? Firstly, I am well aware my naughty images have probably been seen by more than the recipient. I could threaten to break-up with my boyfriend and I'm sure they'd still have a cheeky pint and a sneaky share of me topless down the pub. It's human nature. I'd prefer it not to be the case but I am not an idiot and I understand the reasons behind the sharing. If you're worried / concerned about anyone else seeing you naked - do not send any pictures. It's that simple. If you send a naughty picture, be prepared to accept a third party may view it at some stage.

Image: 123rf

I'm aware guys DO love receiving pictures of girls. Requesting images minus some clothing seems to be the norm when guys are dating these days. Men are very visual when it comes to sex and pictures are often used as ‘material’ when you're absent. The less clothing, the better for men.

You see, and this is the main point to take from the article, is this fact: how we feel about D pics is the opposite of how men feel about our nude pics. This is why we receive unsolicited penis pics because they assume we have the same reaction they get when they receive unsolicited pics of us.

They love it. We don't. They want more and more and more. We didn't even want one. They get horny, we cringe out a bit. Sure, there are always exceptions and there are always girls who want to see as much D as possible, but I'm talking about the majority here.

I've never spoke to a girl who said “Oh when he sent me his penis in an image I loved it”.

Usually, it goes something like "omg never guess what Jake sent me last night, check this out but be prepared to wish you can unsee things..."

Whereas men are more like "mate, check the breasts from a girl I met on Tinder."

This is just life. Let's accept it.

Penis pic rant over. Go forth and sext away...unless you got a penis. Then can you stop please?