From The Straits Times    |
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Diane* and I have been friends since secondary school – actually, scrap that, we’re more like sisters. I shared anything and everything under the sun and kept no secrets from each other – but all of this changed when she started dating Jeremy*.

As much as I love her, I have to say that Diane is one of those girls who goes off the radar for the first few months that she’s seeing someone. Because I was familiar with this ‘pattern’ of being MIA, our circle of friends just let her be. So unfortunately, I wasn’t privy to what Diane and Jeremy were up to during that time. We still spoke over the phone, but our conversations were usually hurried and we never had much time to go into detail about whatever was going on in our lives.

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After a few months, once her ‘honeymoon’ period ended, Diane started to spend more time with us. The first two times that we met for dinner, the few of us were chatting long into the night – as we always do – and, both times, Diane got a call from Jeremy and then insisted that she had to leave immediately to meet him for a quick drink before going home. We teased her about being so ‘obedient’, but she brushed us off, saying that this was the only opportunity they had all week to meet so she had to go.

Two weeks later, a few of us met for drinks and Jeremy joined us. We were surprised as Diane didn’t mention he was coming. Also, it was just us girls and even though we were all attached, none of us brought our partners along so we were taken aback that she had ignored the unspoken ‘no boyfriends’ rule.

Made Excuses for Him

Jeremy was silent the whole time and his presence made the rest of us very uncomfortable. Then a friend told us that her cousin was getting married. Diane used to have a crush on him when we were teenagers, so we joked that she must be heartbroken that her dream guy was getting hitched. Jeremy did not like this, to put it mildly. He proceeded to interrogate Diane about her teenage crush, which we all thought was ridiculous.

Jeremy walked out of the bar after ending that conversation. I decided to be direct with Diane and told her that he was out of line. Diane tried to excuse his behaviour by saying that he just doesn’t like ‘sharing’ her with other guys. There was no logic in that explanation as it was just a bit of harmless fun, but I didn’t push further.

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My brother had a barbecue at his house a few weeks later so I invited Diane and told her to bring Jeremy too. She showed up alone, wearing a long-sleeved turtleneck top. I was baffled as this isn’t exactly an appropriate item of clothing to wear to an outdoor bake-off in. Then she made her excuses and left less than an hour after she arrived.

I didn’t hear from Diane for a few weeks after that incident. She did not reply my messages and when I rang, she either didn’t answer or said she was too busy to chat. Something was off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

Diane had moved out of her parents’ house a few years before and was renting a flat with a mutual acquaintance, Andrea*. One day, Andrea called out of the blue and told me that something was very wrong with Diane. She hadn’t gone to work for three days and, even though she said she was down with a cold, Andrea was sure that she wasn’t. This was when I realised it was time to confront her about her strange behaviour.

Rescuing Our Friend

I went to their flat that night unannounced. When I asked her if there was anything she would like to tell me, Diane broke down and cried like I’d never seen anyone do before. Between shuddering sobs, she told us that Jeremy had been hitting her virtually every night – “I’ve been treated like a dog!” – and that she didn’t know how to leave him.

She then took off her top and showed us a massive bruise on her back. I felt awful that I had been oblivious to the plight of my ‘sister’ – it dawned to me that she had been covering up her injuries with her sudden change in sartorial style.

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Andrea and I decided that Diane needed to cut Jeremy out of her life, starting with the changing of her mobile number. And because he knew where Diane lived, we decided that she would move in with my family for extra protection.

‘Operation Diane’ went as planned. Jeremy didn’t even try to contact her – he knew where she worked and could easily have found her there – but we think it’s because he knew he was in the wrong and would’ve been in deeper trouble had he shown his face to her friends ever again. Thankfully, Diane didn’t have to deal with the trauma of seeing him again and soon went back to the smart, funny and confident woman that I knew and loved.

If you are a victim of domestic violence or know of someone who is, please call these charities for help:

Pave

Tel: 6555-0390

TRANS Safe Centre

Tel: 6449-9088

Care Corner Project StART

Tel: 6476-1482

*Names have been changed.