From The Straits Times    |
latetwentiescrisus

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Partner, own flat, good salary, secure job, great family and great friends…most would say I have it all. But do I?

There is nothing in my life that I can find a fault with. I have a wonderful hubby who I have been with for over five years. He would do anything for me and tells me I am beautiful. We moved in together a while ago and it has been seamless, effortless and I love living with him. My job is secure and I get paid more than some friends who actually went on to higher education (which I did not). My family is large and nearby to provide love, food and company.

Everything is bliss, everything is good, and I have it all. So why do I feel the need to scream? Why do I feel frustrated? I welcome myself to:

The Late-Twenties Crisis.

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As a 28 year old female I think I have reached the point where I can no longer think of myself as ‘young’. I can hear everyone over the age of 30 screaming at me…but hear me out! I believe that the age that you can be seen officially as an adult is 22. That was the best age. You can walk in to a nightclub without feeling like the oldest person in the room. Your breasts haven’t given up on life and started their downward descent. You still have choices: should I travel the world, should I move to Australia, should I have a few more random first dates, should I call in sick for work to cover up my hangover? So many questions and endless possibilities! You are in control of your life. I now understand why people used to preach at me to “enjoy it while you can dear”.

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In my current circumstances, blissfully happy as I am, I cannot give up work to travel the world. I cannot risk my job or my health to try some impulsive reckless whim. I can’t just up and move to a new country, what about my flat and my cats? What would I do for money when I got there? How would I find work? What about my family? How would I cancel my car finance? And as for a hangover on a work day, I can’t even handle work after one late night, never mind after a few too many drinks. These are all problems that you wouldn’t even think about at 22. The older you get, the more excuses you can find for not being spontaneous.

A few weeks ago, as I was travelling alone in my car and listening to the radio, they were discussing the idea that when you get older, you lose your friends. This has happened to me. Through no fault of my own, and definitely not intentionally, I find myself with next to no friends these days

My main friend is local to where I live and we do generally speak daily, however, we work in different areas, have different financial circumstances and just generally have little time where we are both free at the same time to see each other.

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When listening to this show and hearing how it has happened to the radio host and several other people who had phoned in, I was in shock. This was my life. I have become isolated. I can’t just call someone up and pop over for a tea. I can’t arrange a date night with a girlfriend just randomly for the weekend. I can’t meet up with my guy friends as that would be unfair to my boyfriend who would hate. I sat in my car when I got home and cried. I cried inside my 2015 car, outside my new build 2014 flat, before grabbing my Michael Kors bag to find my tissues. What was wrong with me? Why am I not appreciating what I have? I couldn’t even get my head around what exactly all these tears are about??

Looking back, my late teens to early twenties were great. Although going through two emotionally abusive, financial destructive and complete failure relationships, I successfully fell on my own two feet. My outlook on life changed and I became more confident. I enjoyed every day for what it gave me, had no real concerns for the future, but was equally excited about meeting someone and settling down too.

Image: Pexels 

So why, after having all that fun and living my life, do I have such resent now? Like I said, there is nothing wrong in my life; everything is great. So why do I want more?

Earlier this year I felt like I was losing my mind. I quickly contacted my best friend and arranged a weekend for her to help me ‘go crazy’. It was just what I needed. I got so much off my chest that I cannot speak about at home. We watched back to back episodes of Gossip Girl (our tradition), drank wine, dressed up, met new people and didn’t finish partying until 5am. I just needed to get something out of my system, and whatever IT was, this magical and memorable (from the bits I can actually remember) weekend luckily worked. The following Monday, I felt refreshed and ready to take on the world of being an adult again.

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Now approaching two months after this I am having the same feelings again. What do I want? Why can I not be satisfied? Is this normal? As a society I believe we become blind to what we have and then focus on what we can’t have and I think that I have somehow internalized this problem. It’s the age old saying coming back to haunt us “the grass is always greener on the other side”. We are never truly satisfied, are we?

As my late twenties are quickly coming to an end and I am bound to move on to an early thirties crisis, I look back on what I have achieved to date….or should I say, not achieved! I don’t have children, I’m not a self-made millionaire, I haven’t started my pension fund yet and I’ve certainly not overcome my ridiculously stupid fear of butterflies. What I have done however, is created memories and done the ‘crazy stuff’ you’re supposed to do in your youth. When I am old and wrinkly I won’t look back with regrets wishing I had done more.

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I think the ‘late twenties’ crisis is a common mindset because of the looming ‘30’ birthday.  Somehow, 30 bears down on us like an overly critical parent, making us feel small and underachieving for our age. 30 stares us in the face as says WHAT HAVE YOU ACHIEVED? As this age creeps up, the self-doubt and fear of the neglected future plans creep in. This in turn makes us react in a ‘but I’m still young!’ rebellious manner and doing all the things we did in our early teens – hence my weekend of being a moron with my friend. 30 – you’ve got A LOT to answer for.

But when we take a breather, take pressure off ourselves (I don’t need to have had a baby by 30 just because my friends did) and realise we can live our own lives beyond what society says, then the crisis seems to diminish – if not disappear completely.

So if you’re currently enduring the “ommmggggggg” potential twenties breakdown, then just remember this: no-one can put pressure on you that you do not allow them to, no-one can dictate how you should live your life bar you (especially not society) and once you hit 30, you won’t suddenly have this all-consuming life-changing moment. You’ll feel exactly as you are, just one day older. That is all. 

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