From The Straits Times    |

Weddings aren’t for everyone. Personally, I know of a few pals who’ve voiced their puzzlement at the meaning and extent of the whole affair. And that’s completely understandable.

However, if you’re facing a situation where one (or more), of your bridesmaid isn’t exactly enthusiastic about fulfilling her duties for your big day, here’s how you can mitigate the situation in a manner that’s fair to everyone involved.


Firstly, avoid flaring up

The last thing you should do is get mad at each other.

If your bridesmaid doesn’t wish to take part in the bachelorette party activities, seek out why. Perhaps parties aren’t her thing, she’s financially strapped, or she has a baby to look after etc.

There’s a reason why you are friends. Work out the disagreement and come to a middle ground that both of you can agree on.

Some solutions:

Have her be partially involved – skip out on hen’s night activities but be there in full for your actual day.

Get her to take part in the wedding prep but take on an emcee role instead of being your bridesmaid.

Because wedding prep can be a stressful time, allowing your emotions to deteriorate your relations during this period will not be worth it in the long-run.


Select with care

After all, prevention is better than cure.

If you pick someone who has a distaste for party planning or the whole wedding shebang, then you should be prepared to have to deal with their less-than-stellar attitude.

 It’s not personal and it’s not something you can change overnight.

However, if you want to steer clear of involving someone who doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid, ensure that the duties and events to come are made clear to your friends upon asking them to be part of your bridal party.

Be open about your expectations right at the start and make sure to check if they are okay with their roles and responsibilities.

They should also be aware of the time and finances involved. Hold nothing back.  



Be open and candid

If you realise that your friend is unhappy in the events leading up to your wedding, you need to let her know it is alright to come to you with her concerns.

Addressing any issue heads-on will be conceivably less miserable than darting about the problem and walking on eggshells around each other. 



Give the choice to quit

It’s not an easy suggestion to make but if you’re unable to work out a comfortable atmosphere in the days leading up to your wedding, consider giving your bridesmaid a choice to quit her role before your friendship is affected beyond repair. 

She may no longer be your bridesmaid but she’s still your friend. It’s important to recognise the difference and keep it amiable.

If there’s too much tension to sift through, then postpone the salvaging of your friendship till after the wedding when everyone’s in a better emotional place to work things out. 

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